Ex having new baby

As others have said you have every right to how you feel. There is a lot there to be angry and upset about. For your own well being though you need to draw a line. Be mad tonight. Write angry messages in your notes. Don't send them just get it out of your system. Journaling was a god send to me in the first 12 months of my break up.

I do know how hard it is my childrens father left me for OW and had bearly anything to do with the children. 9 months later he did have the courtesy to tell me his partner (of six months at the time) was having a baby. I knew it was on the cards to be honest. He wanted a way to solidify his justification of leaving me. IMO.

I've not engaged with him over it. Just told my children they will be amazing big siblings. For a number of reason the only exchanges I have with the children's father is about pick ups and drop offs. Although mine are not as little as yours. I refused to engage in anything beyond the children.

I'm a few years down the line. I pretty much don't care on way or the other. I ensure I remain positive about the baby and how lovely it is they get see them etc. but the hurt from the past remains. Which is very much my problem.

I grew up in a very complicated blended family myself. and it was just the way it was. Nothing I could do about it. I had a lovely stable family at home with my mum. And a large family situation when I visited my dad. I was very lucky to have this balance and I tell my children that too. We have a calm and happy home but they can also get this big chaotic fun family too. Which they enjoy in small doses. And come back to enjoy the peace of home.

Children are very flexible and your baby is still so young she won't really remember or know any different. Continue to be the best mum you can. Make home a safe and happy place and she will continue to flourish.

I get it suits your narrative to reduce his new partner to "a shag" but you have to accept that you are not his partner, you split when you were pregnant, by your own admission you were needy and wanted comfort sex in the hope you could get him back. He is allowed to move on with his life and if that is with a new partner (and they have a child together) then so be it.

You say you don't want a new partner and that is your decision but you do not get to choose for him. Let go of the anger and look after yourself and your baby. Be thankful he does at least want to be part of their life.

But for those reasons I voted YABU and with each post you sound more unreasonable. The only person this anger and venom is hurting is yourself and potentially your baby so try for their sake if nothing else to move on.

It should also not affect your coparenting unless you choose to make ot difficult. You are already presupposing he is going to let your child down when it hasn't happened yet. The more you present as difficult and bitter the more likely he is to withdraw and for this to happen. Carry on in a business like manner as far as he is concerned and don't start being the crazy ex as that would give him an easy out if he is after one.

They had sex 14 months ago and his new gf is going on maternity leave now so there was most likely an overlap

Op he won't acknowledge what he did leaving you when pregnant was wrong. He'll convince himself and everyone in his life that he did it for the good of the baby, to save them from arguments, blah blah blah.

Please don't convince yourself it's all rosy though. I bet the new woman is shitting herself that he'll leave her too before baby arrives or just after. He might also realize that anything that he wasn't liking about you (perhaps you being stressed or tired or having needs that you rightly expected him to meet) is actually normal in pregnant women and a pregnancy issue not a 'you' issue. It's highly unlikely he'll admit this to you (or to himself tbh).

You need to find the closure you need elsewhere. Counseling helped me.

But honestly, I have been there too and it's brutal. You're a strong woman and a brave mum. Xxxx

You should be thrilled, he's one of those blokes who willy nilly gets new girlfriends up the duff and hasn't had the good grace to inform you, your child is going to have a sibling, on that front it is your business. Hes now off your hands completely and you are free to meet a decent chap. Take care.

Lucky you didn't fall pregnant when you slept with him post breakup during baby visits!

OP, we all think he’s awful.
You need to manage your expectations of him. Not for his sake or even for your shared child’s sake. For yours. You’re going to drive yourself crazy trying to understand why his actions have strayed so far from your moral compass. His own moral compass is basically a bit crap, but there’s nothing you can do about it.

This is true .

You need another outlet for your feelings - therapy, good friend, journaling. But those who hurt you won't heal you.

What do you expect him to reply? 'you're so right I'm a useless arse I didn't deserve you I wish I was still with you you're too good for me.' Even if he thinks that, he's not going to write it.

Yes it is reasonable to have another baby as soon as you want one. Not very wise if it's a short relationship, but that's not your problem.

I feel for you, I have a similar aged child and also was left in pregnancy, it's absolutely brutal.
All I can say is drop all expectations for him to care about you and your feelings and only think of him as a colleague. It hurts so much not to be planning baby 2 (I'm also very broody now- I think it's admitting to myself that my toddler is now a little boy not a baby!) but him having one makes no difference to you not having one. As much as it hurts that it's not you giving it to your child, it will be nice for them to have a sibling, someone to love forever one day when you're dead and gone your grown up child will have another family member around.
Focus on dating if you want another child. And if you don't, then keep reminding yourself that you don't. Xx

Agree. You are in the loop now but keep calm and collected. Don’t ask him anything about this situation. I bet it will get to him that you just keep the messages as usual about childcare etc. Keep a lid on it when contacting your ex. He doesn’t have basic respect for you. Just limit your time and effort in thinking about him. Focus on yourself and child. You are a good team.

He’s not decent is he though OP? He’s a grade A prick.

He has let you and your DD down massively.

I am shocked by the voting on this thread- I don’t think yabu at all. A 14 year relationship and then he pulls this shit? No.

I wonder about the life situations of the “none of your business” brigade that are piling on you. I’d love to know if any of them have experienced what you’re going through. I suspect not.

Surely he owes me, morally at least, or owes his daughter, to be upfront and honest about anything that might affect her? A new baby in the house, a half sibling, is something that has the potential to cause huge upheaval for her

He owes you decent co-parenting and whatever financial support you've agreed. That's it.
What he owes her...She's 18 months old and she doesn't live with him. A new half sibling at this age is hardly a ripple in the pond of her life. It's a massive deal to you because that's a sibling you thought you'd be having. But to a toddler? Nah, a non-resident parent's baby isn't a big deal. She'll barely noticce.

I'm sorry your partner turned out to be such a git. You deserved better. But please accept that, having split up, his personal life is now none of your buisiness.

I imagine he was reluctant to tell you based on how you were likely to react, and you’ve validated that with the messages you’ve sent him.

No - he doesn’t owe you anything. As hard as it is - does doesn’t want you, he’s not in love with you and he’s starting a family with someone else. It’s shit. It’s awful. Move on. He doesn’t need to inform you if he doesn’t want to - it’s a courtesy sure - but he’s the kind of guy who thinks it’s ok to shag you knowing you still love him - but not feel anything towards you and use you and your body - and you let him hoping it’ll fix it. Co-parent amicably and find someone else who wants you, loves you, wants a family with you. This guy does not. Good luck. You deserve better.

This is not about your daughter, this is clearly about you and your feelings. Clearly not over him. Lots of 18 month old children have siblings and it’s no issue. You said he’s a good father so you have no reason to be concerned. Stop pretending you have any right to know for the sake of your daughter. You do not. Get over it.