Ex having new baby

Its ok and perfectly normal to feel as you do. BUT you aren't together. He is entitled to get on with his life and it really doesnt have anything to do with you

Its natural to feel upset but please dont do the angry desperate texting. Youll regret it

You're life is also gping on without him in it. It also has nothing to do wirh him what you do with your future.

Sounds like hes being a good dad and that's the only obligation he has is to your child

OP it feels like the relationship had ran its course a long time ago but you wanted a baby so much that you overlooked the signs. The baby was never going to make the situation better.

I agree totally that as a courtesy he should have told you about the new baby but you’ve no “right” to feel that him having the baby is wrong of him. It’s his life now. You mention that you feel it’s “disrespectful” of him to have got his new partner pregnant when he did - I don’t understand your line of thinking there. I suspect your own difficult journey to parenthood is skewing your thinking here and having a baby it’s a much bigger deal to you because of your history than it is to other people who don’t experience similar problems.

The life you’re grieving for never existed. Good luck op, you sound like a great mum.

Sadly, there are quite a few men who behave like this. Their feelings are quite shallow, and they see women as interchangeable. The most important thing to them is getting their dick wet.

I think the best you can do is try to make peace with this if you can. And if it's just too much try some therapy. He likely wasn't the right guy for you anyway. You had your say to him. You also have your beautiful child.

I actually voted yanbu. Sadly many happy marriages hit the skids after fertility treatment. It is hard and gruelling.He is a shit I think though to get another woman pregnant so quickly. Men are often more concerned with getting their rocks off with another woman.i don't think it wlii be all happy families there though.the same problem with a new baby crying at night , taking the spotlight off him .He sounds immature. Tbh

@bradpittsbathwater , I agree , my ex did this and there was no way I was buying a new baby gift !

What a load of bollocks. Yes op has to accept this but she doesn't need to be buying gifts for the new baby 🙄

He's an absolute shit but I think it's glaringly obvious why he didn't tell you about the new baby yet.

You aren't BU to feel how you feel but YABU to text him about it. You don't get a say I'm afraid.

He's done you a favour he's a total prick, I'd try to move away as far possible, start a new life and only see him when I absolutely had to. X

I think that men who leave their partner when she is pregnant with or has literally just given birth to their planned child so that they can get back to fucking other people (using contraception or otherwise) are really gross.

Either things were going south and they were too much of a coward to face that before she got pregnant...

Or they've embarked on something mutually together, planned together, allowing the woman to make nearly ALL of the (often lasting) sacrifices for - only to abandon the commitment of parenting together as soon as the woman can't back out of it.

I honestly think if you've "fallen out of love" with your pregnant / postpartum wife, providing you are safe, you should just fucking be a man and suck it up until your (child)ren can at least walk. I think there is a duty there because of the inequality of the biology involved.

So if it makes you feel better OP, I don't think YABU at all and I think he's a poor example of a man. It's shocking that he's already got someone else pregnant when I think duty and common decency would have him committing himself to being a father and a partner to you for a while longer at least.

In my experience, toddlers seem to love babies, so hopefully it won’t be as emotionally disruptive to your DD as you seem to think it will be.

Also, there’s a small enough age gap that it will just be the norm for them to have always been in each others lives as siblings and have a good close bond.

It’s not as much of an “upheaval” as it would be if she’d been his only child for 7/8 years, then having to learn to share his affection.

You're not unreasonable to feel hurt and upset. But I think it's a mistake to text him about it. He's well within his rights to tell you it's none of your business what he does now, as long as he pays maintenance and continues be a good dad to your daughter. Vent to your friends and family or on here but keep your relationship with him on a cordial and distant basis.

You're not being unreasonable to feel any of this. Well done for not sending that shitty message. As others say he won't ever dare acknowledge how poorly he has behaved. But you can't go around behaving thus to people without the wheels coming off at some point. He will get his just deserts, but by that point you truly won't care anymore. He won't matter to you.

You can have the family life you dream of, but not with him. It was never, ever going to be with him and painful as this news is at least it provides closure in some ways. You won't keep hoping he'll change and wasting your life waiting for it to happen. You and your daughter can get on with your future. X

I think it would be a nice thing to do to get a gift from your daughter to her new sibling. I know it may feel like a very bitter pill to swallow, but your ex's partner is going to be/is a big part of your daughters life, and the more you can foster an amicable relationship with her, the better.

You can’t have the family life you hoped for, unfortunately.

My advice is try and be smart rather than emotional. Your daughters well-being is partly at the mercy of your ex and his partner. She will be under their care sometimes, and (ideally) be included in their family. So you should probably be as nice as gracious as possible to them (and about the new baby too).

If you come across as the crazy jealous ex, your daughter might not be treated as well by them.

They don’t actually owe you anything, so stop expecting them to care about your feelings, sorry.

You are not being unreasonable. Don’t grace him with your thoughts. I bet that will annoy him. Write what you want to say but don’t send it. Focus on getting through to next week and the week after and onwards.

I feel like sending him one brutal fucking message telling him exactly what kind of shitbag he is then leaving it. He deserves a good dose of the truth.

Do that and he's won. He won't give a single fuck about your outrage or opinion. Do that, and you may very well impact your child's relationship with their father forever. If you choose to make your relationship with him an acrimonious battlefield from here on out, the only one who will suffer for it and pay the price is your child.

Rise above for the sake of your daughter.

Have you ever had a feeling?

Sorry but this is none of your business

write that message on paper. And then burn it. Most of the catharsis, none of the consequences of sending it.

There is nothing wrong with being angry and I didn't say there was. Just as others have said don't give him the satisfaction of seeing it. He is unlikely to care and it will wind you up more. @StormingNorman has some good advice. Try to take care of yourself and your child. Don't let him in your head at all.

Very wise words. I do wonder if he’s new partner is aware of all that’s happened, mostly because I know if I was the next partner around I would have told him I thought he should tell op, she shouldn’t have to hear that from another person

One thing I’ve learned over my years is other people very rarely give you the closure you need, very rarely own up to their mistakes, it’s a sad fact of life unfortunately….. and now I feel like I sound old saying that 😭

OP, I’ve read all your posts and it sounds like you are grieving the life you’d planned. While he went out and recreated it with someone new. Anger, jealousy, sadness and whatever else you are feeling are all natural.

And you were owed honesty from him about his new dynamic. His new partner is just weeks away from giving birth and he hadn’t told you. It is unbelievable.

YABU to text him your feelings or anything else. Not for his sake, for yours. Don’t give him that power over you.

Look to your future and try to be composed about co-parenting. But don’t share anything of yourself with him.

He sounds like an absolute shit and will probably be OLD again when his partner is ‘out of action’ after the birth.