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Original poster

Was my relative right all those years ago about me not working hard??

109 replies

Efogi · 11/05/2024 09:33

When I was a child, I was quite good academically and did very well without having to try too hard or struggle with any of my school work etc. Got used to being a high achiever.

A relative once told me that I should watch out - breezing through school work so easily without trying much would make me too comfy and complacent and I'd never learn what it meant to truly work hard to achieve something or have real drive. He told me a story of how the most inteligent girl in his class ended up as a petrol pump attendant as after breezing through school as she didn't know how to work hard.

Fast forward to working life and after a slow start in my 20s where I probably coasted along and never felt in right role, I've done alright for myself but I wouldn't say I was a high achiever in work - more a solid and reliable colleague who's moved up gradually and also been in right place at right time on a few occasions too.

One of the things I have been told by a few bosses is I don't have as much 'hunger' as others.

I have colleagues that are workaholics, do 50-60 hour weeks and are relentless in their pursuit of targets/ goals. Sometimes they skip lunch and seem to neglect their wellbeing to ensure they fit more work in.

I've never gone to those extremes as I know Id burn out very quickly but I get what's on my to do list done well and efficiently, I work late sometimes when it requires it etc and probably go over my hours some weeks. I can't claim to be as relentless as some of my colleagues though and I wonder if there's something missing for me with that.

Recently lost out on a promotion and I've felt a bit downgraded at work. Made me reflective on my whole mindset about work and my relatives words from all those years ago have come back to haunt me.

Is my approach all wrong? Does it seem complacent compared to the workaholic colleagues?

I'd say I am ambitious but at the same time I've never wanted to be a complete slave to a job and sacrifice my wellbeing to climb to the top as I know I'm just a cog in a machine and can easily be replaced.

Feeling down about the situation and would be great to hear some perspectives.

OP posts:
Original poster
Efogi · 11/05/2024 13:49

dreamfield · 11/05/2024 11:07

Have you been given feedback about why you missed out on the promotion and what you need to work on to get it next time? If not, I think that's a conversation you need to have and where your focus should be.

I've had some feedback. Part of it was the 'hunger' and some other more general things related to the role. There might be another similar position coming up in six months or so.

The person who got the job won the employee of the year award and works all hours of the day. There was no way I could compete with that

OP posts:
AutumnBride · 11/05/2024 11:29

Not everyone needs to be a go getter, all workplaces need people who are happy to stick with a job or at a level and develop experience and expertise.

As long as you're happy where you are other people's opinions don't matter.

I'm senior management but have several rungs above me, at every review I'm clear I have goals for me and my team, I'm still learning and progressing but I'm not looking for further promotion, what's wrong with that ?

Octavia64 · 11/05/2024 11:28

Yes and no.

There are people who have real drive. They work long hours, focus only on their goal and aren't necessarily much fun to be around.
They do tend to do well although some of them just get exploited.

I don't want to be one of those people. It looks like a shit life and often the people who have real drive are doing it because they want to show the world or their parents or whoever that they are better/richer/brighter.

I know I'm bright. I know I'm not rich. I know my parents are disappointed in me because they wanted me to be better than all their friends' children but I've come to terms with that and I don't care any more.

It's my life and I don't want to spend it doing what other people want.

Hadalifeonce · 11/05/2024 11:27

Our DS is a bit like you, he breezed through school, then didn't work hard enough for his A levels, he thought he had missed out on his chosen uni. He looked absolutely crestfallen, then half an hour later discovered he was in.
I really thought that would spark him into working harder, nope. He is happy to just to do enough, and that it what he does. He doesn't appear to have any great ambition or drive, he isn't materialistic, so isn't bothered about earning big bucks.

Totally opposite to me, but I have stopped trying with him, he with either fail or succeed without my input.

Prawncow · 11/05/2024 11:24

Are they working more - actually producing more work than you - or are they just present in the office/at their desks more than you? Speaking up more and sending more emails?

Some workplaces seem to have a culture where ‘showing commitment’ = being seen to get in early and stay late and being present at a meeting doesn’t count unless you talk as much as possible, even if you’re not adding anything to the conversation.

rookiemere · 11/05/2024 11:23

Also with promotions, I worked out that for the extra £10k or so per annum, by the time you worked the extra hours expected, the hourly rate was about the same as what I was on already.

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 11/05/2024 11:19

Do you go above and beyond. Are you always prepared to help out others or do you just get your stuff done?

rookiemere · 11/05/2024 11:16

I think it's probably quite intrinsic in your personality wether you want to work long hours to succeed.
I burn out quite quickly, more so now I am older. I've deliberately stayed just below the level where it's about doing whatever hours it takes to get the job done, because frankly a) I would rather spend my spare time mumsnetting and b) I know I wouldn't last long at that pace.

I don't think one way is right and one wrong, but you do have to accept that if you aren't prepared to work long hours and/or appear highly dedicated, you're unlikely to be promoted.

dreamfield · 11/05/2024 11:07

Have you been given feedback about why you missed out on the promotion and what you need to work on to get it next time? If not, I think that's a conversation you need to have and where your focus should be.