Was my relative right all those years ago about me not working hard??

'Hungry' seems to be a euphemism for 'working harder for no reward'.

I think you are a perfectly normal worker attitude wise, probably above average if you have been promoted several times. However you seem to be fixated on what that relative said and using it to blame yourself for your current position even though your position is pretty great.

Getting ahead in the work place is not the only ambition we can or should have. What's that saying about being on your death bed and no-one ever regretting not working enough!?

If it's just about money could you look for other jobs at your current level of responsibility? Are you being paid market rate?

OP, you need to distinguish between the skills needed to do a job well. And the skills needed to build a career. Acing exams doesn't prepare you for success in the working world, despite society's obsessions with good grades.

You need to have a high degree of self-awareness and understanding of what success looks like for you. You might benefit from a career coach.

I was also an academic high achiever, so I understand where you're coming from. Personally I want to earn more, and have some intellectual challenge. The higher i climb the less of the latter I find, and a lot of my higher salary is taken away in tax.
So I plan to become a consultant... build my own business long-term.

You need to find your own path. And work out how to leverage your skills to get there.

I feel very similar but am older.

I hate self promotion and i hate networking.
i also dont want the drama and stress of being the boss/head of dept.

I don't want the stress of setting up my own company.

I make about £180k a year now
i dont think I'll even make 300k ever.
I am not particularly senior in my current role. My job title is MANAGER and i dont have any direct reports in this role!

Dont fight it... make sure you have stuff going on outside of work.

You don't want to burn out, happy in your own groove so best to accept your role

Working remotely puts you at a disadvantage to start with.

This is healthy and normal. And will give you more happiness in the long run than chasing a fancy job title for the sake of it..

I agree with this. Requiring someone to be a "hungry" workaholic is a symptom of a toxic work culture. I've worked at places like this - it was shit and I was miserable (as were most of my colleagues).

Also, life is about more than just chasing promotions. I work as a senior technical specialist in a well paid, interesting field and I enjoy my job, but I have no interest in working all the hours of the day or becoming a slave to my employer. I would only go for a promotion if it was because the role interested /excited me.

Luckily my current employer values my skills, and cares about my outputs rather than the number of hours I am seen to be working. I work flexitime and am planning to go part-time in future, and I consider this to be a healthy approach to life, not something lacking in me.

Living like that sounds miserable.

Imo we work to live not live to work.

Sacrificing health and the present for...what really?

I’m a bit similar that I was always a B student but probably could’ve been an A student if I tried harder.

I’m pretty happy with how things have worked out. I’m hard-working when I’m at work, but have clear work/life balance boundaries and don’t work all the hours god sends or play the presenteeism game.

This may have made my career path a bit slower than others with more drive, but I’m in a senior role with good pay and an amount of responsibility that works for me in my current life stage - i.e. parent to a primary age child.

Maybe I’d be a head of dept or director by now if I’d tried harder. I’m glad I’m not though. There’s still time for that for me - if I can be arsed 😄

Do you actually want to be part of the 'rat race' though? . Ive done the leadership, work myself to the bone roles and it made me ill. Now im in a job that pays me sufficiently well and I work to live, not live to work. I give 100% at work, am flexible to a degree, always help colleagues etc etc but make sure I work the hours im paid for and nothing more!. Its much less streessfull!

Climbing as far and fast as possible isn't for everyone and that's OK. I've been asked many times why I've not gone further. I'm senior management but definitely could be higher than I am if I'd wanted. For me, it's not worth it. I've got a decent work life balance, more than comfortable income and work that is actually rewarding (compared to going much higher when it gets a lot drier). If you are happy where you are, that's fine. You don't have to please anyone else!

OP getting promoted isn't about working hard. It's about playing the game strategically.
You don't have to work all hours of the day. You need to make sure you're working on the right projects, and visible to the right people, taking credit for the right things.
Book smart people are often not street smart and so get left behind.

So they're not better than you, they're just playing the game better than you.

That sounds like crap feedback and a dysfunctional workplace. Working all hours is inefficient and less effective. I also think it's foolish rather than admirable.

I'd look for a job somewhere less dysfunctional rather than turning inward and diminishing yourself.