Was my relative right all those years ago about me not working hard??

• business man

https://paulocoelhoblog.com/2015/09/04/the-fisherman-and-the-businessman/

I think it's fine! I was very bright at school, straight A*s etc found most things easy. As an adult I would say I'm only moderately ambitious. That's just my personality. I hate being stressed and I'd rather coast a little bit at times as I enjoy life more that way, and money isn't everything to me as long as I have enough for a nice enough lifestyle for my needs.

Your relative made the mistake of equating academic intelligence to success. I’ve no doubt there’s a correlation but it’s not a given.
You sound happy. That sounds successful to me. There’s a lovely story about a business who meets a fisherman and gives him advice on how to be super rich. I’ll try to find it. It makes a lot of sense.

This is something that resonates with me.

When people are interviewed on their death beds they always say they wish they'd worked less and spent more time with their loved ones, in the moment, falling in love or seeing the world.

Life is a really special gift and it's not all about work and money.

You sound sensible. Why do people want to work all hours and constantly seek to climb the ladder?!
Noone lies on their deathbed and thinks I wish I'd worked more.

Wrong. Could still be useless. Or, I could have paid for them myself, having decided it was worth the investment.

The lady I got was great and those few sessions completely changed how I approached my career, resulting in promotions and pay rises that I never even thought possible. Even if I had paid it would be well worth the money!

Not everyone 'needs' a career coach of course. Some come to the same conclusions themselves, some are lucky to have excellent bosses/mentors to guide them.

However the OP sounds like she could benefit as there are basic things she hasn't yet realized after so long in her career. But she has to choose carefully, and have a goal + budget in mind.

Once the groundwork has been laid correctly, it paves the way for so many other things that one can DIY.

Describing being ambitious and successful as a choice between having a life or not is disingenuous.

Many people (like me) thrive on and in their roles and industries. It's part of my life, part of who I am. Not all of it, but part of it.

It sounds, OP, like you don't enjoy this particular job that much, that's doesn't light you up or motivate you.

If you find something you do enjoy, that learning more and more about, developing and setting challenges for personal satisfaction as well as professional, then you may find yourself wanting to succeed more than you do now

Sounds like you have figured out the right work / life balance for yourself

‘Paid for by the company’ being the key thing there!

Free advice is great for specific aspects such as networking, salary negotiations, etc. Not when you need to change your mindset or don't even know where to start!

I found career coaches (paid for by the company!) useful as a young graduate, but I also realized, pretty quickly that 'hard work' alone wasn't enough. So I looked for mentorship from people who had my dream roles. I've always been a very introspective person so picked up on what was needed very quickly.

Certainly not. That sort of thing isn't remotely aspirational or successful from where I'm sitting.

Look at some of the cretins who end up in management roles, it wasn't by merit it was by bullshitting, shmoosing, bragging, overconfidence, taking credit for others work etc etc.

Personally I can't thing of anything worse then having to manage people. I'm in a creative field and I want to do the actual creative work not manage/train/supervise those who do.

I am somewhat similar, but unfortunately met a couple of people on the way who destroyed my confidence in myself.

I do think your relative is right, getting by through coasting is a very insidious habit. And hard workers/hungrier people always ultimately do better.

I'm another who did extremely well academically but I'm not a super high flyer at work. In my case it's partly because I've prioritised my family. I have made my peace with this - I'm happy with my life choices. But if you're not, nothing to stop you going for the next promotion. Don't be put off by a minor setback.

Wouldn’t be paying a career coach, there’s loads of free or cheap advice out there!

Somewhat predictably my employer is a tech company!
I'm in a non tech role but interact with tech teams.

I actually dont like the company (the culture / people are my main struggle) but am very greatful and appreciative of the benefits it brings to me and my family.

You’ve done pretty well at work!

So would ditch the baggage of your relative’s anecdotal and unsolicited feedback from your teens. That was aeons ago.

Sounds like your organisation has a particular culture and that it could be difficult to earn much more there without working more hours and doing things a certain way (or seeming to!) Might it work better to seek a role with better pay elsewhere?

feedback to ‘be more hungry’ seems unhelpful at best, unless perhaps you’re in something ruthless like sales!

You and I sound very similar. Academically high flyers, but not particularly career driven. My dad was also the exact same. One of the brightest people I ever knew, he "did well" at work (but we only really ever had his word for it, he was a public sector worker, so we never really saw it reflected in his pay), more by accident than design. And then did the bare minimum to stay afloat!

Personally, I've learnt over the years that I don't like being "managed", I'd rather do my own thing. Hence now why I'm a free lance zero hours worker!

Folks I went to school with, who were much less academically able, are now in much higher paid jobs than mine!

I don't care tbh!

Whilst you're probably being a bit hard on yourself, I think there's some general truth in what your relative said. I remember a teacher saying something similar to me at college - I did well, but other students grafted harder - and she did have a point. 'You do you' though, as they say.

You seem to be equating resilience, motivation and overcoming adversity with being a workaholic. Thats not been my experience.