Was my relative right all those years ago about me not working hard??

I wouldn't be a bit surprised. Also when you work hours like that, you lose perspective. She's daft, frankly. I am 67 now, still working and am very happy doing so, as I love my job and the place I work.

Friends who worked in bigger companies couldn't wait to retire. I wonder if it's the politics that they wanted to avoid.

Agree, def see people using it as some kind of coping or avoidance mechanism.

This 100%

Also some people are workaholics as a coping mechanism. So it's easy for them to funnel themselves into work, the way other people go crazy for shopping or gambling.

I'm not sure there is a definitive answer for everyone. What is right for one person will be wrong for another.

To me happiness comes from building and using skills. I'm not especially intelligent but what I do have is application by the bucket load. I work hard because I need to. I earn reasonably well. Not quite 6 figures but I'm hoping to get there before I retire. On the whole I would say I am pretty happy.

The two people I have known to be happiest in their jobs were a repair technician at Curry's and DD1 who is a biochemist. With both I think it is a question of finding the best fit in terms of organisation, skills and personality.

OP I am a bit like you. Found academic work easy, always do well in jobs and get good feedback but have not progressed to very senior roles that you might expect at my age.

Like you I keep my head down, do my work well but don't out in insane hours or volunteer mucj for additional work.

Like you I recently missed out on a promotion that many people assumed I would walk in to. The feedback I got (couched in a roundabout way) was pretty much that the person who got it has been visibly working towards a promotion longer than I had and was seen as hungrier for it.

Which, TBH l, is true. I applied as I knew I could do the job and fancied the extra £10k. That is it. Not burning desire to move up the career ladder.

It really isn't. There are only two good reasons to do that kind of thing. One is that you like it, and two is that you feel you're going to get benefits you actually want from it. Neither seem to apply in your case.

The person who got the job won the employee of the year award and works all hours of the day. There was no way I could compete with that

Fuckin hell. Why would you want to? It sounds shit.

So much of it is about being in the right environment and culture so that you can work the best way you need to. It's fine to not want to kill yourself climbing to the top. It sounds like you're still a very competent, valuable employee but the conditions are puns you aren't right for you to thrive.

I will say though that working 50-60 hour weeks for a company seems like madness and massive piss-taking on their part. Since I started my own business three years ago I cannot fathom working that hard to make someone else money. Especially knowing they'd throw me under the bus at the opportunity if they needed to. At my last job I saw people who had devoted their lives to the company for 25 years at the expense of their relationships and in one woman's case, having children. When the shit hit the fan, they were made redundant. Fuck that.

I'm glad this thread has given you a bit of perspective and allowed you to step back and realise that there is life outside of work and no workplace can demand more of us than we're willing or able to give (and that they're able to pay for!)

The point is relatives don't actually know you the best and bring their own baggage to conversations.

100% agree with this.

This is kind of off the topic, but what job is a masters in taxation going to lead to? It's not the right qualification for someone who wants to be a tax consultant.

CTA, ADIT and equivalent are worth so much more for people actually working in the field of taxation. I work in this field and have literally never come across anyone who did a masters in it.

Also, what you're describing in your niece doesn't sound like the kind of "breezing" that the OP is referring to. I breezed through school and don't recognise the drama you describe at all - that's not breezing but lurching around in a panic.

Whats the obsession with working hard? If you can get by on not having to give yourself a breakdown then you're winning at life

I don't think your relatives comments actually apply to you. You work hard already, that's more for people who are happy just to coast (putting in minimal effort) and you aren't that. You do work hard and are committed but just don't want to do 'silly' hours or be a slave to the job. That's ultimately sensible.

You do you OP fuck what anyone else thinks.

I don't know if anyone else has posted similar sentiments, but I now work very happily in a smaller organisation where effectiveness gets noticed, and we don't have a culture of working every hour god sends.

I didn't fit into bigger places, where there was that macho culture of having to be seen to work hard even if in fact you didn't achieve any more than people who worked efficiently.

It's nothing to do with working hard and all about kissing arse and sucking up to the right people. Many people create the illusion of working hard as part of their playing the game approach.

I worked 60+ hour weeks, never off, always above and beyond. Didn't get rewarded for it at all, because I wasn't an ass kisser.

Started my own business and then I saw my hard work paying off for myself. The difference was crazy.

depends on your priorities. If you want to know what you could achieve if you bust a gut 100% effort, then do it for a few years and see.

Personally, I am perfectly happy with about 90% effort and a more relaxed lower stress life.

I’ve only ever worked hard enough to have what I want in life.

As I get older, I’ve become less interested in status and possessions. I don’t care about badges on my car or clothes anymore and as such my work effort has reduced. The only thing I still care about from that perspective is holidays. I still like good quality accomodation.

I also work with wealthy older people in general and have come to realise that having pots of money doesn’t ward off illness and we all die.

You are what you are. Don’t worry about it.

I'm the same. Breezed through school, college, uni and what I learned in my first years of graduate jobs is that I don't want to fight with all the others to be able to spend my whole life focused on work.

What I want is to be comfortable enough to be able to enjoy my life. So I'm happy enough to be fairly senior without all the stress of being actually senior. The salary and flexibility is good. Work life balance also good.

I've been with the same company for a decade now. I've slowly worked my way into a decent position. I could quite easily go elsewhere and step up, increase my salary etc. But that would mean having to "prove" myself all over again. I come with a "reputation" in my current company. I am helpful, hard working while I'm at work, excellent at my job and my output is always in excess of many colleagues. But I won't take any rubbish and I will log off on time (90% of the time, emergencies happen).

I'm happy. I could be richer in money. But I'm very wealthy in life.

I think you need to forget about what your relative said all those years ago. Long ago I was at a flatmates wedding and we (the flatmates) were sat at the same table as her aunt and uncle who hadn't seen her since she was a teenager. They told us 'she was such a clumsy thing as a child, we thought she might trip as she walked down the aisle'. The woman I knew wasn't clumsy at all, quite elegant actually, and all the flatmates looked at each other in amazement at these crazy relatives who didn't know the bride at all.

The point is relatives don't actually know you the best and bring their own baggage to conversations. It's quite common for people to think intelligent people who do well academically are actually lazy or have no common sense. It's just a way to make themselves feel better about the fact that you did better than them.

If you are happy in your job then that's fine. If you want more then maybe you need to find a different boss. I had a boss for a long time who blocked me moving to another dept but when I asked if there was a path for promotion in our dept he refused to give me any opportunities to help me achieve that. He was a nice man but he had a tendency to put people in boxes. I eventually was allowed to move (6 months after I had that conversation with him) but it was quite interesting after he retired lots of people got promoted.

Can't comment on your situation. My niece breezed through school. Many tales about her 'drama' at home in the morning: shower on, breakfast half eaten, almost done with home work on breakfast table when she realises one question needs a bit of reading but has no time, so she called on her uncle who is also intelligent for a 'quick answer'; then jumps in shower, finishes breakfast, puts on uniform and off she goes to school for another day. Family expected the 'drama' each morning.

LUCKILY, against our advice, she chose a hard course at uni- accountancy. There were other new factors in new city etc etc and failed first year or carried about 2/3 subjects to next year. I spoke to her. She then relatively continued until she finished. She got a job easily but she felt too comfortable, so on advice of my friends to advice her, I did start to push her a bit. Just little, but often. Soon, she was making plans for a master's degree in Taxation which is not an easy course, paying with her salary. I was proud. Now she is still in same job (but talked of starting her own consultancy but I think set up issues are stopping her) but is doing business on teh side. When I see her busy, being driven and wanting to perform at her full potential, I am very proud.

Her cousins who aren't hugely academic but passed, I encourage to their performance level - which I am equally proud of. So your relative was honest but maybe should have been more practical with advice. I would have felt guilty had I not encouraged my niece to perform to her standards, as it would be a wasted talent.

I breezed through school and uni, but I was always driven, ambitious and liked what I was doing. From a young age, mum always encouraged me to focus and work hard as she had done, so maybe that helped. What I did see was that, I inspired my brother who wasn't too academic, but pushed himself to my level and maybe beyond. I like that I was his inspiration in some way.

Think about it another way though. Ignore whether or not you're "hungry" or "successful" or earning huge money. Are you happy? Are you financially comfortable? Do the bills get paid and is there a bit left for some nice things? If the answers to those questions are yes, then does it really matter if you're not at the top of the corporate ladder?
OK, if you're earning the bare minimum and struggling to get by then perhaps it's worth thinking about pushing yourself a bit, training for something new and a change of career, but honestly if you're contented, why should you worry about what someone else thinks? It's not essential to knock yourself sideways and work all hours!