To hate this current trend that girls should be raised to be fierce and fiery but boys shouldn't??

@Voodoohoodoyoudo Several people have now answered your question about misogynist language.

@MissyB1 "I realise some posters hate the idea that I advocate listening to boys and empathising with them,"

I find it competely baffling that you have taken this from any posts on here. I'm feeling as if I'm speaking another language.

In fact, @Newbutoldfather how dare you call my attitude sexist?

I have taught hundreds of boys and I like teaching them. I have had some all-boy classes (always bottom sets - underachieving due to behaviour usually rather than innate ability) and I liked and respected all the boys (except the ones who made vulgar personal comments to me in my younger days). None of this makes me unable to observe the very gendered behaviour that goes on in school.

You say boys shouldn’t be paying for their male ancestors’ mistakes. Well, of course they shouldn’t- but the trouble is, those ‘mistakes’ are embedded and really hard to weed out, and men aren’t generally interested in weeding them out because, you know, the old ways kind of pandered to them. And if the only ‘payment’ they’re having to make is to admit they have a privilege and try not to wield it against girls - well, that’s better than all subsequent generations of girls paying for it with their safety. Isn’t it??

It’s always amazing to me how unaware some people can be of what sexism is and where is came from.

Sure, there are exceptions and outliers like the OP’s case. But those situations are notable for being exceptions.

So this post is actually about favouritism, in which case the child's sex would be irrelevant. Nothing to do with girls being this(getting preferential treatment)and boys being that.(victimised)

Oh dear. Taking the battle between very young girls and boys out of this, and looking at this specific problem you have, you need to get clever here. I've been there, up against the fave (a boy in my case, fantastic football player so 'protected' 🙄). Make sure you get that meeting with the head, take a copy of the schools bullying policy AND note down the school ethos. Read it out to them and ask if it aligns with your sons experience at the school. It'll be on the website. If another parent mentions anything to you ask them to mention it to the class teacher, if they don't feel comfortable taking it further it can be done somewhat casually. Most importantly DO NOT be fobbed off. Stand your ground and stay calm and polite. Ask , if they are unwilling to actually do anything with the girl, what are they doing instead, to safeguard your child?

I know you have agreed with all the posts that support your theory, but I hope you have read and digested some of the posts about the shitty and dangerous things that young girls and women face. Young boys and men face very different demons but it's not on young girls and women to fix. All girls should be raised to be as fierce as fierce can be but as I've said already, that's still not enough.

The problem you have, is that your sons bully happens to be a 'popular' girl. The popular kids come in both sexes and believe me, by the time they get to teen years their confidence is taken from them and life becomes one big competition with their peers. Terrible for their mental health.

Good luck with the bully situation.

@Newbutoldfather "The boys of today just shouldn’t be paying for their grandparent’s misogyny."

I agree. The problem is that the misogyny is still there. What are men doing about it?

It’s not sexist to describe patterns that are observable. Would you say it’s sexist to state that men commit over 90% of violent crime? (I forget the exact figure but it’s something frightening).

Hardly surprising that boys cause more bother in the classroom, is it?

Every teacher on the planet will know that what I’ve observed is broadly true. Not sure where you’ve been!

Because often those words are used to put women and girls back the box for doing what the boys do but "boys will be boys".

An interesting thing about the word rapey ... it's often now used by females to discuss and label words and actions of a man who does or says things that get our spidey senses tingling. A warning to others if you will.

My ds was in a school like that, 2 teachers actually had their kids there, one teacher had his own dd in his class. It caused so many issues! Then there were the parents who buddied up to the teachers, friends with them on FB etc.. it was all about networking. We took ds out in the end.

@BernardBlacksBreakfastWine ,

It is a scary thought that you take that sexist attitude into a classroom!

I have taught in many classrooms and my experience doesn’t mirror yours. Yes, on the whole boys like to be heard and and are more ‘disobedient’, but there are plenty of exceptions. And a lot of the ‘naughty’ boys are really struggling when you scrape beneath the surface.

In addition, girls tend to have more excuses and are well aware that they are more likely to get away with minor infractions (missing homework, not obeying dress code). In the most recent school I taught in detentions were about 3:1 in favour of boys.

Pupils need to be treated fairly, as individuals, not labelled as part of an oppressive class.

The boys of today just shouldn’t be paying for their grandparent’s misogyny.

it can hardly be a surprise to you that you aren’t going to be privy to other students personal information? You won’t hear about their consequences or possible triggers because it’s none of your business. Your business is what happens to your child and what the consequences are. Boys that kick or otherwise assault other pupils or staff will have that on their records. What you do about that is up to you.

@Voodoohoodoyoudo I'll try. There are words which are used specifically to minimise and devalue women's emotions and feelings. A woman who is legitimately angry about something she feels strongly about is often described as hysterical, or a drama queen or told to "calm down, dear". It means she is not being taken seriously. The classic "psycho ex girlfriend" is a classic of this genre. A man will use it to shrug off anything he may have contributed to the situation. I don't think there are equivalent terms for men. I am personally not particualarly keen on "rapey"-I prefer to keep the term rape for actual rape. But it is true that men often talk about women in worryingly violent/sexual ways and it is a good descriptor of that sort of behaviour.
Women are, of course, capable of sexual assault, and using unwanted sexual language towards men. That's not acceptable either. The abusive terms you cited are not particularly sex-specific. Apart, perhaps, from wanker, which in my experience is usually used in a jocular, friendly way often between men. HTH.

Or this whole post is made up by an MRA who hopes to attract other MRAs who think girls commit rape and female violence is on a par with male violence. Plus a few "Not my Nigels" added for good measure.

Or the child struggles massively at school and the mum is trying to give as much support as she can?

Yes, curious about this.

I am sorry for the people who only have experience of boys or men being dickheads. There’s definitely an equal spread of both (but that means there’s also as many nice of both too x)

The trouble is, it’s not really about girls or boys being dickheads, it’s about deeply ingrained societal expectations that shape how the two sexes behave. It’s no good pretending everything is the same because it’s not!

You only have to spend half an hour in the average classroom to pick up on the ingrained differences. It quickly becomes clear that a) as a group, the boys expect to be heard and b) as a group, the boys care less about following all the rules.

This behaviour is absolutely ingrained because we lived in a society in which women were essentially objects to be bought and sold for many centuries. I mean, I don’t really think anyone needs this basic history explained to them, but then you get an OP who apparently has no idea about any of the history of sexism.

It would be odd if we weren’t still feeling the effects of millennia of female subjugation. But the knock-on effect is, obviously, that boys and girls operate differently. And it’s usually to the detriment of girls.

Oh. Girls can be rapey now. Good to know.
Is this the only thing people really worry about? The other day I was telling my son the crap the quieter girls got from the popular girls in my school (class) and he was absolutely shocked. I am sorry for the people who only have experience of boys or men being dickheads. There’s definitely an equal spread of both (but that means there’s also as many nice of both too x)

edited to add: op, the boys here have always been told no matter what you can’t hit a girl. You just can’t

OP - how's it going getting a meeting with the Head?

This absolutely.

Oh. Girls can be rapey now. Good to know.

In our school, boys and girls in the sixth form had a talk together about consent- no segregation. But the boys still came out of there whinging about ‘boy-bashing’. I guess they didn’t like the factual statistics about who normally overrides consent (clue: it’s not girls).

But surely you see that ‘feisty’ girls can be a bit ‘rapey’ too. No, it probably doesn’t represent the same threat

@Newbutoldfather it probably doesn’t represent the same threat?! Probably??

Girls can’t rape. If you haven’t understood that, there’s a problem.