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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you would date a guy who...

131 replies

NCMD · 10/05/2024 21:00

  • Has visited a brothel in the past and paid for services?
  • Does recreational drugs with friends every few months (weed, MDMA, mushrooms, coke)
  • Has a cross dressing fetish?

Interested to hear others thoughts on the above points to help me move on from being dumped by this guy.

YABU - Yes. I'd date him.
YANBU - No. You've dodged a bullet.

OP posts:
ConfusedCaterpillar · 11/05/2024 08:16

Personally no. It’s also perfectly reasonable to say yes.

But if you aren’t interested in being with someone who uses drugs, purchasers sex or cross dresses that’s all completely reasonable.

But then I also subscribe aggressively to the belief that consent trumps everything and it is always ok to not choose to have a relationship with someone.

It is always ok to say no.

ChangeAgain2 · 11/05/2024 08:07

Brothel - No absolutely not
Drugs - addict no but recreational maybe
Drag - not if it's a kink. Although, I would get worked up buy a guy wearing a skirt to air out his balls.

Honestly, I'm more concerned about you @NCMD. Why would you date a guy who used brothel? He thinks he can buy consent. You need to look at your own self worth. It doesn't matter how lovely he was. He confessed this to you and you weren't repulsed by him.

dottiedodah · 11/05/2024 07:45

Red Red Red flags flying very high.OP . Look as others here have said , yanbu.what are you moving on from exactly. A life of misery!

Jeezitneverends · 11/05/2024 07:36

Next!

BitOutOfPractice · 11/05/2024 07:21

@ISeeTheLight I’m trying to think of a country where all of those drugs are legal.

Waitingfordoggo · 11/05/2024 07:20

XiCi · 10/05/2024 22:27

The brothel and the cross dressing would be an absolute Fuck Off. The recreational drugs every now and then wouldn't bother me

Same here.

EternalSunshine19 · 11/05/2024 07:17

skippy67 · 10/05/2024 21:01

I'd snap him up. 🙄

Hahaha 😂

Original poster
NCMD · 11/05/2024 07:16

Thanks for all the replies so far. I know I should be thankful that he's done me a favour but right now I'm still in the upset at getting dumped stage. Before all the things on the list were revealed he was kind, caring and seemed like a genuinely lovely person.

OP posts:
soundsys · 10/05/2024 23:54

Brothel - hard no
Recreational drugs - if I was in my late teens/early 20s, sure. As an actual adult, no.
Cross dressing fetish - also not for me

Catsmere · 10/05/2024 23:54

The brothel (paid rape) and the crossdressing (probable fetish) scream MISOGYNIST to me. As said upthread, the rubbish took itself out.

2chocolateoranges · 10/05/2024 23:52

Not a fucking chance!

Zanatdy · 10/05/2024 23:51

Nope

FuckTheClubUp · 10/05/2024 23:50

How desperate could anyone be to date someone like that? A fucking brothal, drugs and cross dressing? I think the fuck not

Catsmere · 10/05/2024 23:49

5128gap · 10/05/2024 22:03

Suffice to say, that given the choice between him and the dead cockroach I found in my bed in Magaluf in 1988, you'd find me on the next Easyjet to Palma keeping my fingers crossed they still hadn't changed the sheets.

Perfect!

Catsmere · 10/05/2024 23:48

Fuck no. Those are glowing red flags, all of them.

pizzaHeart · 10/05/2024 23:35

HateMyNewJobSoMuch · 10/05/2024 21:05

I’m genuinely concerned that you feel the need to even ask! Is your bar really that low?

Each of those in complete isolation would be an automatic no. Absolutely no thought process required.

This ^

Justbrowsing2024 · 10/05/2024 22:54

Omg gross.
Raise your bar

determinedtomakethiswork · 10/05/2024 22:41

I would sooner date Donald Trump.

MoonWoman69 · 10/05/2024 22:34

Anyone hear something snap shut with a loud bang and the sound of slippered feet walking quickly away? Yeah that was me!!!
Can't even believe you have to ask OP! Definitely don't mourn that loss!

XiCi · 10/05/2024 22:27

The brothel and the cross dressing would be an absolute Fuck Off. The recreational drugs every now and then wouldn't bother me

0wlQueen · 10/05/2024 22:20

XenoBitch · 10/05/2024 22:17

I don't smoke pot. I tried it once, but I am not a smoker, so I choked to near death anyway.

Show quote history

I didn't mean you were the pot head! anyway, that's the least of this guy's failings.

I understand though @NCMD people are more 3 d than a list of their failings. I dated a guy once and I discovered he was into voyeurism. I walked out the door and said see you quite calmly! But never contacted him again. Eugh. He was also mean. There's only so much disappointment you can deliberately stick around for

Cabincrew1 · 10/05/2024 22:19

Hard pass

VeraForever · 10/05/2024 22:17

Never in a month of Sundays.

XenoBitch · 10/05/2024 22:17

0wlQueen · 10/05/2024 22:16

'trash took itself out' applies here

Somebody on this thread @XenoBitch wouldn't rule a 'man' out for these flaws though, so that's interesting. There's a lid for every pot (head)

I don't smoke pot. I tried it once, but I am not a smoker, so I choked to near death anyway.

Riverlee · 10/05/2024 22:17

Brothel - if in past, ie uni days when drunk etc, and not regularly

Drugs - no

Cross dressing - probably amber flag, would have to be perfect in all other areas