To feel I don’t send my child to enough extra curricular activities?

DS is in year 1. He does no clubs (doesn’t want to) but has his name down for Beavers for when he turns 6. He’s tried a couple of clubs but hated them. He hates swimming, football, any sport really, and would rather be at home doing arts and crafts.

This is definitely part of the reason I encourage my DD to do activities - she’s 9, and at home she mainly wants to go on YouTube or play computer games. She does an afternoon art class during the week and violin lessons at school, and at the weekends she does dance and swimming. She’s in after school club two days a week, so has two days when we can go straight home.

Other posters have mentioned the lack of children playing out nowadays, which also applies - there are only a couple of children near us and it’s not safe to play out independently at her age due to traffic. When I was at primary school in the 80s, the traffic levels were much lower. I think that’s also the reason for organising play dates rather than letting children out to play.

only theatre group at the weekend. But she does play out constantly with her mates. A lot of her friends who do clubs aren't allowed out. She's 12.

Kind have swimming lessons. They didn't like cubs and beavers and neither like sports whichever ones we try so that's all they do. Doesn't bother me in the slightest. I think children need yo learn to entertain themselves and get bored occasionally

Mine does a lot in summer, he plays school sport (basketball in summer) with two after school trainings and then a game Saturday morning. Nippers, 3 x a week (we live beside the beach) swimming squads - see my last point, he also plays basketball for a club with one training and one game a week.

I feel it's too much, but he doesn't want to give anything up. Winter is quieter as the nippers isn't on and neither is swimming as it's an outdoor pool.

Ours have done everything. Now they do very little as they've got older. They do socialise outside of the home though. Kids don't play out like they used to do it's more formally organised now. No more goalposts on the grass.

Each child is different and has different interests / motivation. My eldest would do something 5/7 club wise and would literally sign up for everything.

Youngest I can just about get to Guides and swimming. Not interested in anything else.

Mine did three each. Swimming ceased around seven or eight (when they did their mile badge) and the others continued until they were 18 - grassroots football and refereeing, and scouts. They were invaluable tbh.
DS1 going for grad jobs now at 21 being asked loads about these and his pt job and very little about his degree.

Mine does 7 sessions of 3 sporty type things across 5 days. But she’s very energetic and she loves the activities she does, her school day is shorter than in the UK too. I’m going to add another one later this year.

I expect her to drop some stuff as she gets older, I’m trying to help her find something she loves to do that she can carry on with it into secondary.

Mine does three and I’d like her to do more but funds and transport are lacking here. It’s good for them to be into different things especially when they start secondary and there can be friendship problems. They’re more likely to join in with extra curricular stuff at school if they’re already in the habit of doing those types of things

DS(10) has decided that 2 after school clubs and weekend hockey are enough.

If you have a child who is really keen on sport you have to do quite a few because school PE/games lesson aren’t enough. Same goes for other areas like music. Some do it because their children are very sociable, some for childcare, some to keep their children off screens. I think our education system is a bit ‘one size fits all’ so people want to branch out a bit.

My 6 year old DS does swimming once a fortnight (one to one lessons) and that's it. We tried beavers and dance and I've asked if he wants to do cricket or football but he's just not interested. He has ASD and gross motor difficulties so he's happy just being at home in the garden. 3 year old DD does ballet, a music and movement class and a music group class. I think she'll want to do everything once she's at school, she's already asking for riding lessons. Better start saving!

Your title is ‘AIBU To feel I don’t send my child to enough extra curricular activities?’, yet it seems you don’t actually feel that way at all and are actually judging parents who do more clubs. 🙄

One if my kids wanted to do everything and at one time had an after school activity 4 nights a week as well as one on a Saturday. He later did one sport but it was after school and weekends. One of my kids only ever did 2 at any one time and by the time she was 9, didn’t want to do any so didn’t.

Kids are different. Shocker!

Mine go quite a few: tennis, karate, art, cricket/rugby, drama and swimming but apart from cricket/rugby which are on for a couple of hours on a Sunday morning, the others are 30-45 mins after school, so we still get plenty of family time. Just do what works for you OP, so many people seem to spend their time comparing their lives to others 🤷🏻‍♀️

11yo:
football (at least twice a week)
scouts
school band
piano (in school hrs)

8yo:
football
theatre
horseriding
music theory & ensemble
piano (in school hrs)

Do what works for you & your dc

My 3 children are mad for extra curricular activities. I am a busy type person myself - I volunteer, I do classes and a club thing.

I think there is a balance and that balance is different for every child.

Having time to play is the most important/ preferably outside.

I think at around 10 and through the teens it becomes nice for a child to have a proper interest. Somewhere they make out of school friends and have an additional social life.

My children do around ten activities a week each… yes it’s a lot but they started things when they were little that then built up (swimming used to be half an hour and is now 6x1.5 hour sessions a week) I don’t mind it. It’s not for every parent because of the costs and the time and the running around. It’s not for every child either. But my dd especially is just a busy person- she enjoys being out and about, enjoys the social aspect and is a lovely 16 year old so it’s worked for her and for our family.

Mine do a lot and would do more if I let them. Both have strong passions (for different things) and are reasonably good and want to get better. I would quite like to cut it down (££) but can see value in everything they do and, most importantly, love it all and never moan about going or practicing. Each to their own! Both have had fantastic experiences even at primary age and it's lovely to see them so happy.

I know some families who do a lot, kids have no choice and might sound judgey but the parents like everything controlled and no time for mucking around in the park after school or freedom to walk home as always picked up and taken to the next activity. My kids do activities on a few afternoons/evenings but certainly not all and I'm flexible to change or for them to go to a friend's party or something instead. The older the kids get the most isolated they seem but we all have different ways of doing things. My kids aren't forced to go to things but are really committed to the ones they enjoy

My almost 6 year old does 7 and my 9 year old does 5 (one of which is a sport which involves 2 training sessions plus a match per week so it probably works out the same in terms of actual time spent).

On the plus side, they still seem to have plenty of free time and it means we get 1 on 1 time with one whilst the other is busy.

On the negative side, someone is doing something every day of the week and sometimes the logistics get complicated especially when extra stuff comes up.

We've never pushed anything, dc1 just wants to try everything and dc2 is determined she can do everything he can. Given that my weekend will include 2 football matches and an hour hanging around a dance studio carpark...it's definitely not about getting them out of my hair.

You do lots to find what they might like to do - except swimming which is just good to do.

DD did several things, all stopped with covid. Went back to brownies and music eventually. But now as a teenager has gone in a total different direction and does no clubs anymore as they don’t fit with where her interests lie.

We had a 2 club rule for each child (3dc) and they didn’t start properly until they were 6 because they were too tied up until then (we just did swimming initially).

Now dd1 has stopped riding as she went into year 11 because the stables closed but she was ready to stop just before her 16th birthday.

dd2 does drama for 3 hours on a Saturday and violin one evening a week.

dd3… this is where it’s gone a bit nuts. She’s less academic than dd1&2 but loves to dance so she does drama with her twin, 3 ballet classes and a contemporary dance class, plus rounders including matches. Costs a fortune but she loves it all and might be a career as she does love performing.

Mine are older now; 14 and almost 18. We've done all sorts of different clubs and activities. My youngest has just quit Explorers because it clashed with rugby and my eldest quit last year due to A Levels and girlfriend . We seem to have come full circle and suddenly nobody needs to be delivered anywhere of an evening!

I watch my child play football, do ballet and volunteer for other clubs. So it isn't about them being "out of my hair" it's for development, fun and meeting other children. They enjoy the clubs and are varied. Each to their own with what people chose to do. We have plenty of free time and most clubs are only an hour.