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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To suggest we park this exchange until his life settles down ?

38 replies

amazonmusings · 10/05/2024 20:39

I have been in contact with a man via on line dating for the past few weeks. The distance doesn't bother me... it's a couple of hours away... and perhaps would actually suit me ultimately but we get on via text... chatting, shared interests etc.
However he plays sport at a very busy level . Think a few different teams, training and coaching. Frankly I don't understand what he was doing on a dating site in the first place.
We stopped contact for a while as I kept asking him if he wanted to cancel our previous date.
A mixture of avoidance, paranoia, trust issues etc.

He got pissed off with me and said enough. He had a point in fairness. I was a pain in the arse. I would have done the same. Wine didn't help 🙈

So we're back n contact for the last fortnight, chatting every day etc but no suggestion of a date.
Again this weekend he is busy with games, training and coaching. He is late forties. As am I .
He hasn't suggested meeting and not have I.

I need help with a text to suggest we park this possibly until things settle or even generally.

I was thinking of saying ... considering your level of busyness and commitments, I'm wondering should we just park this if: when things settle down.

Wha do you suggest ? Thanks for reading .😊

OP posts:
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Jeezitneverends · 17/09/2024 13:40

TheCultureHusks · 17/09/2024 13:31

‘Great. Let me know when you’re free and we can get something sorted’

This post was from May, it’s now September…wonder if he’s still busy?😂

Calamitousness · 17/09/2024 13:38

Tbh it sounds like you shouldn’t be doing online dating. I’ve never done it in my single days, but I imagine you’d need a lot of chill and a hard skin. You do not sound like that.

TheCultureHusks · 17/09/2024 13:31

‘Great. Let me know when you’re free and we can get something sorted’

HaystackHair · 11/05/2024 21:09

amazonmusings · 10/05/2024 22:50

He messaged back to say.. that would be lovely ... that was it ...

Sack it off. What a waste of time.

Loubelle70 · 11/05/2024 20:53

amazonmusings · 10/05/2024 22:50

He messaged back to say.. that would be lovely ... that was it ...

I would message a date you are free ask if he is or when hes free...if he flakes... get rid..hes just a text buddy

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 11/05/2024 20:51

have you actually met him / had a first date ?

GRex · 11/05/2024 20:47

amazonmusings · 10/05/2024 21:59

Why would you think he is a catfish. I know people who know him, who work with him and are involved in sport with him. He is single, he is who he says he is . That's all the truth.

You said in your OP that you met him online dating. Now you know his social circle and have discussed him at length - a man you've never met? How would his work colleagues know if he's dating someone?

This is an awful lot of effort and heartacge for a random, who doesn't seem interested in even meeting you. What can't you just pick picture B on the app and see what happens with that one?

CruCru · 11/05/2024 10:49

grinandslothit · 10/05/2024 23:09

I think you're wasting your time with him. Imagine being an actual relationship with this guy. you'd never get to see him .

Yes, I was going to say this. It wouldn’t feel good to be dating him but keep having to pester him to actually see you.

VeraForever · 10/05/2024 23:25

You sound a bit too eager if I'm honest.
However, he said that it would be lovely' so just leave it for now and see what he says.

I have my doubts, based on your posts.

grinandslothit · 10/05/2024 23:09

I think you're wasting your time with him. Imagine being an actual relationship with this guy. you'd never get to see him .

Pixiesgirl · 10/05/2024 22:57

This doesn't have legs, just move on.

Towerofsong · 10/05/2024 22:54

amazonmusings · 10/05/2024 22:50

He messaged back to say.. that would be lovely ... that was it ...

I'd message back saying 'great, have a think and let me know when might work for you'
If he doesn't get back with a suggestion by Monday, move on. You can still keep him as a texting pal and see what the future brings, but pursue other options who are free to meet.

amazonmusings · 10/05/2024 22:50

He messaged back to say.. that would be lovely ... that was it ...

OP posts:
5128gap · 10/05/2024 22:46

Tbh OP if he doesn't accept its probably for the best. He clearly has something in his life that's a huge priority, and that's not realistically going to change. If you lived round the corner and it was easier to meet around his sporting commitments, or if you were happy with something occasional and knowing you will be second place to his game, then maybe it could work. But the distance, plus your own understandable need for a certain level of attention and availability from a relationship makes it seem doomed to failure.

Nuttyputty · 10/05/2024 22:38

I dont get it. You were annoying, but he was too busy?

Just say you don't think he has time for dating, see if he disputes that or not

amazonmusings · 10/05/2024 22:09

Well... I've text and asked him if he wanted to meet . He's read it and been on line since but hasn't responded .. we'll see ...

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Luxell934 · 10/05/2024 22:08

I would just stop contacting him. Don’t message him anything, there’s nothing to “end”, just leave it alone. If he wants to contact you then he will? Move on and talk to other people and if he decides he has time in the future to meet and you both want too then great, if not then you haven’t lost time over it.

amazonmusings · 10/05/2024 22:02

I'm
Chatting to a few others and will meet one on Sunday. I just don't want to waste more time if he's flaky. We had this rocky start but the last few weeks have been easy and relaxed once we got back in contact .
Having said that, he may come back with a no in which case he only ever wanted a pen pal , in which case I'm not interested .

OP posts:
amazonmusings · 10/05/2024 21:59

Why would you think he is a catfish. I know people who know him, who work with him and are involved in sport with him. He is single, he is who he says he is . That's all the truth.

OP posts:
GRex · 10/05/2024 21:58

In sorry, but he is a catfish or in a long term relationship.

It doesn't help you to waste your emotions on someone who will never be a prospect. Time to just block and move on. Meet a few people, see how it goes.

amazonmusings · 10/05/2024 21:53

Well he's read it ... so let's see !
My gut tells me he'll say he's too much on over next few weeks but he'll be more free in a couple of months.
At the end of the day it's priorities and his priority is sport so I don't expect a positive response... as far as an imminent date is concerned .

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Elieza · 10/05/2024 21:50

Good plan.

If he says yes and you make the arrangements, just presume it's still going ahead and don't ask until the day before 'we still on fire tomorrow then'

If it gets cancelled then use the lines a pp suggested about him being too busy.

amazonmusings · 10/05/2024 21:46

Well... I've text and suggested we meet over next couple of weeks .. we'll see... I'll be back .. and thanks.

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amazonmusings · 10/05/2024 21:34

Ok thanks

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MissUltraViolet · 10/05/2024 21:32

You're overthinking this.

Just try to arrange a date, if he agrees and you both set it up then try to control your anxiety and not pester him beforehand. Instead of messaging him talk to us here :)

If it happens and goes well, great! If it doesn't happen, move on.