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Original poster

To think actually, kids DO cost a lot!

82 replies

Onth3fence · 10/05/2024 19:22

Me and my DH are giving serious thought to being one and done. We are expecting our first baby at the moment.

The topic of conversation came up with some family members who all had 2-3 DC and were very adamant that they are, I quote, ‘as expensive as you make them’ and having more doesn’t make much difference financially.

I just can’t see how (other than possibly hand-me-down clothing) that that could be in any way true.

Surely the more you have, the more the average family has to divide resources? And it is all the consumables x2.

We both pretty much earn the UK average wage. This is unlikely to improve hugely and that is fine, we enjoy our careers and the work-life balance we get in return. When I return to work childcare is going to be a huge cost, even if the funded hours come to fruition it will only be a small saving. Most daycare is around £70-90 a day here. Child-minders a bit cheaper, if you can get one.

I don’t see how we would finance a second in the early years. If we wait until our first is school age, we will still presumably need to have wraparound care for mornings and evenings plus 1/3 of the year that they’re not in school to find childcare for.

We want to be able to put savings away for them to help them when they need it, such as for education, driving or buying their own home. I’m not talking private school or gifting a whole deposit, more uni accommodation fees & a small leg up onto the housing ladder.

I can’t imagine we are at all alone in this predicament, as much as it would be wonderful to have more than one I am not sure if that supersedes the chance less help, less experiences and opportunities for the first, less holidays for all of us and eye-watering nursery bills for longer. To me that just seems like a really big compromise to make?

OP posts:
MonsteraMama · 10/05/2024 19:47

I'm one and done for this and other reasons. We've been able to afford to give our daughter the best of everything, education, travel, lived in several other countries, and she's had 100% of everything we could offer, including our time and attention.

She's 16 now and doesn't feel she's missed out on having siblings (that might be from watching the chaos of me and my six siblings).

I wouldn't say I'd "rather have the cash" than another child as a pp put it, I think that's a very reductive way of looking at it, but I feel we made the best choice for our family. For some that might be having four kids, for us it was having one!

ComtesseDeSpair · 10/05/2024 19:46

Yes, children are incredibly expensive: my standard of living is hugely in excess of that of all my friends with children even if they earn more. But I suspect that gradual creep has a lot to do with the view that children aren't expensive: each stage of life brings its own costs, but they don’t all land on you at once. By the time you’re thinking about nursery fees you’ve already gotten used to cutting back whilst on maternity pay; by the time you’re thinking about feeding teenagers and keeping them in Nikes, you’ve already gotten used to and absorbed the costs which preceded that; help with university doesn’t seem such a big jump from there.

TheChosenTwo · 10/05/2024 19:44

When they are young the costs are small. Yes they grow a lot and need shoes/clothes/coats etc seemingly every 5 minutes but depending on your preferences/budget this can cost a little or a lot.
Ours have cost us a lot growing up because we funded their driving, tests and cars and the older 2 are 16 months apart so this all came in very quick succession. However we had planned and budgeted for this because we knew they’d have better employment opportunities as teenagers if they could drive and they both work unsociable hours as teens. We also currently have one at university which is costing a lot BUT if we earned less it probably wouldn’t cost us a penny.
If we weren’t fussed about holidays and doing stuff and keeping on top of the house and extending it to suit them all having their own bedrooms etc we would have spent far less over the years.
Basically I don’t believe it has to cost a lot (it certainly didn’t cost my parents as much as it’s cost us to be parents) but we have chosen a route that has cost us.

alsuoo · 10/05/2024 19:40

I know someone who says this, she had 4, they don't go on holiday, she stays home so no childcare, doesn't drive, they're not uni age yet but they didn't go to uni so perhaps just haven't thought about the cost etc for that yet. I don't think she'd say there's no difference but just not a huge amount, I have very different expectations so don't agree but can sort of see how some lifestyles might feel that is the case.

Original poster
Onth3fence · 10/05/2024 19:36

Jeannne92 · 10/05/2024 19:26

DS11 and DD12 seem to eat more and more every month! They are not greedy and we don't eat between meals, but they are growing and hungry! With food prices increasing every month too (it seems like that!) it is certainly not cheap. I do worry about when they no longer want to wear own brand trainers and their cousins' hand me downs.

But they are best friends and will have each other when DH and I are in our graves so no I wouldn't rather have the cash.

That does make sense, must be lovely that they are so close.

OP posts:
Jeannne92 · 10/05/2024 19:26

DS11 and DD12 seem to eat more and more every month! They are not greedy and we don't eat between meals, but they are growing and hungry! With food prices increasing every month too (it seems like that!) it is certainly not cheap. I do worry about when they no longer want to wear own brand trainers and their cousins' hand me downs.

But they are best friends and will have each other when DH and I are in our graves so no I wouldn't rather have the cash.

FlameTulip · 10/05/2024 19:24

YANBU. I have three teens hoping to go to uni and the next few years are going to be very expensive!