To think actually, kids DO cost a lot!

Kids are very expensive but I wouldn't say two kids means double the cost. There are some economies of scale! Also my friends with one child spend a lot inconsiderable sum entertaining them, with two children they entertain each other reasonably well even if it's winding each other up. This entertaining gets more difficult the older they get too. Childcare is very expensive but I'm the scheme of things is a short time and tapers off quite quickly. Especially my point about entertaining each other. They can occupy themselves quite well when we work from home now they're tweens, if we just had one we'd probably prefer them to be in a club with other kids.

Obviously, on a surface level, the more dc you have, the more it costs. That is undisputable.
However decisions to have children involve a lot more than finances.

We want to be able to put savings away for them to help them when they need it, such as for education, driving or buying their own home. I’m not talking private school or gifting a whole deposit, more uni accommodation fees & a small leg up onto the housing ladder.

I mean, all that is very lovely if you have the money to do so, but none of that is necessary, , expected, or even normal for most families. I mean, something like 60% or 18 year olds don't actually go to University. Those that do - currently - can take out a loan for their fees. Who knows what the system will be like in 18 - 21 years time. My dc paid for their driving lessons from what they earned from their PT jobs, in 6th form. Most people don't have deposits to buy their homes.
Personally, I'm glad I have siblings even though I had none of those things you listed.

I think it's more that any money you have - as much or as little as that is - goes on any children, and just gets divided by however many you have. So if you have £40 a week to spend and you have one, they'll get the £40. If you have two, you'll end up spending £40 on the both of them, and so on. When they're teenagers, this might translate that if you had one, you would have been able to fund them having driving lessons, but if you had three, you wouldn't be able to afford the costs, do they'd have to self fund, or go without, or you'd teach them yourself. Neither having more material or less material things is better or worse (within reason) imho. But of course the different paths will shape your life and your children's lives and personalities differently. Another big one would be whether you could afford for them to each have their own room. Historically most children wouldn't have. But many people now see it as a necessity, so would factor "bigger house" into their "spend" of having another child.

As for nursery fees, if you have a SAHP, they might not be relevant. Again, these are often seen as a necessary cost, but there are ways around it, if someone wants additional children, there are ways to make it work. But it might require lifestyle changes or more creative thinking.

Of course it's true that the more DC you have the more it will cost. But that cost depends on your expectations and what you see as essential. I've been calculating whether and how I can afford to spend enough time with them in the early years, ensuring we can all eat healthily and do a lot of outdoor activities. If we can afford trips and holidays that will be a nice extra. Private school fees, cars and house deposits though are not things I could ever afford am factoring in!

I always thought it seemed high, but then it has also been a fairly consistent number over the years (adjusted for inflation).

It's only 700 odd per month though, so I can see that being about right. I've no idea what child allowance is, or what other things can be claimed as I don't have any.

That can't actually be true if you think about the average income and average family size. Most people would only afford one if that. Most families I know have at least 2 and are doing ordinary jobs.

For a primary aged child not in any form of childcare, it surely can't be much more than a couple of thousand per year to keep them. For us anyway that is true, we haven't got a bigger house or car as a result of the kids, so it's just their food, clothes (mostly second hand), a few activities and ice creams at weekends, swimming lessons, presents, a slight increase in holiday costs but going on far fewer holidays so overall spending less there.

It's true that lost earnings and lost career progress/potential earnings are probably the biggest cost of having children.

But it depends entirely on what you want from life. If you want to spend maximum time at work in order to have a nice house big car expensive holidays everything new, that is one option.

Other people value time spent at home with their young children more than material things.

This is a choice only really affecting the relatively well off. Poor people will either get a lot more help towards childcare or won't be able to work long hours as can't afford childcare.

People seem to get stuck in the rat race but it isn't the only way to live.

I think that's the point though, that you want to put money away for them for certain things, when other families (possibly your relatives with 2/3) would rather have multiple children and spend it on raising them and not saving.

Maybe with young children it's ok, but I can say from experience that it's fairly miserable being a teenager who doesn't cost a lot.

£87k is the total cost of childcare for my DD from 8 months to end of year 6. Nursery from 8 months then breakfast and after school club when at school 4 days a week. Holiday clubs for half of school holidays.

I havent got a spreadsheet for anything else as too depressing.

They cost more than you think and not all of the “hacks” are always an option. We have a four year age gap and ours are the same sex, which saves a lot with clothes, but as they stay in clothes for longer they get more wear and not all are suitable to be handed on.

We have found costs have rocketed in the last year as DC1 (8) eats almost adult-size portions and DC2 eats proper child-size portions. And we seem to be going through a phase of DC2 growing out of something before DC1 has stopped using/grown out of theirs, so having to buy another one…. And yes, you can buy things like scooters second-hand but not car seats.

That’s before we get onto school trips, residentials, new beds and new size bedding (DC2 is above the weight limit for their cot bed now; DC1’s bed needed replacing, both had to have mattresses too - that’s probably £1000 we hadn’t anticipated spending this year!), extracurriculars (swimming lessons x 2 and preschool gymnastics = about £120 a month)….and then the fun days out and so on. I admit not all of these things are essential (beds aside) but it does add up.

My children are 9 and 6 and my opinion may change as they get older but I've always found that the most expensive thing is the loss of income if one parent stays at home or goes part time, and/or the cost of childcare. I pay approx 3k a year for childcare now my children are both in school. But I am working 30 hours a week earning 32k, if I was full time I would be earning 40k, so you could argue it's costing me an additional 8k. I'm a single mum and my ex doesn't contribute consistently, so I'm only taking my income into account here.

Then you need space for them - a baby is happy in a Moses basket next to your bed for a few months but soon enough they need their own room. Then if you have another child of the opposite sex, they can share for a few years but eventually they'll need their own room. Same sex siblings can potentially share indefinitely but you may want them to have their own rooms. Where I live, 3 bedroom houses are a good 50-100k more expensive than a 2 bedroom.

I'd say that's all pretty expensive. And that's without all the costs of additional food, hit to your pension, clothes, school uniform, any unpaid leave you need to take, a bigger car because your 3 door fiat punto won't cut it, car seats, prams, school meals, pocket money, toys, tech, games, shoes, furniture, not to mention paying the extra to go away in school holidays (if you can afford a holiday by this point)! And in future, any contribution to uni costs (the more you earn the more you'll have to subsidise them) and whatever else teenagers and young adults need/want - my kids are not old enough to give an opinion on this yet. Depends what you can afford of course, my colleague just spent £400 on 10 driving lessons for her 17 year old.

That being said, I wouldn't change it. My two are the light of my life.

But YANBU

I feel exactly the same way and am just sticking with one, not just for those reasons but it does play a part. I’m going to focus my resources on to my one DC and give them the opportunities I never had, without having to compromise.

I mean you must surely know that lots of people don't have their DPs covering those costs when they're adults as two of yours are! I guess the residential costs were for the teen which is fair enough.

My DPs certainly never paid for my passport renewals, dental fees or anything towards driving lessons or anything similar for me as an adult and I would never have expected them to.

You shouldn't have to keep them in Nikes. Want expensive things, wait until they can afford them themselves.

They way people look at it is that you have, let’s say, £300 a month for the kids clothes, shoes, extra-cirriculars. You have the same amount if you have one kid or 6 kids. With one kid, they can have branded clothes, more activities. With 6 kids you have to do hand me downs and kids maybe have one cheap activity. They consider the cost of those big ticket items the first time they purchased them and they are saving that money.

Kids cost an insane amount. It’s all the knock on effects too. So you have a parent out of work to take care of them, with one child that’s 4-5 years. With 3 kids that’s 10-15 years. That’s triple the amount of pension contributions that have been lost. Not to mention potential career progression. We are paying £1000 a month in childcare and our pension contributions are at the minimum as a result. We wouldn’t be able to afford a second until the first was in school, but we still aren’t suddenly going to be able to afford nursery, wraparound and increase our pension contributions. I’m in my thirties, I don’t expect there to be a state pension when I retire. For us, any more children will not only limit how much we can help our DC get started in life (driving lessons, uni, house deposit) but also how poor we will be in retirement.

Of course they are, we both work fulltime, so while technically ours don’t cost us much above the usual clothes etc, in reality we’re both half a wage down, if you think about that as money lost per year its a significant amount.

The cost of raising a child is estimated at £166,000 for a couple, so they aren’t cheap!

Nursery plus school fees will cost us about 350k alone. It is manageable for one but not for more as we have no family help. As it is the education bill takes up nearly 700k of pre-tax income.

I wouldn’t change it for the world though.

@Onth3fence I'm now fully planning my future city break experiences!!

Recently I saw it at 250-300k

@Onth3fence the average cost of raising a child to 18 for a couple is over 160k. I guess there are some economies of scale if the second child is the same sex as the first (hand me down clothes etc), but probably not significant.

Have you checked what your entitled too hun?

Most people I know with more than 2 time their babies to maximize their benififts and time they can have with the little ones. If you do it right you don't get cruelty forced to go to work when you have babies too look after and get the most out of your UC etc. that's what its therefore after all.

I think the choice to stay at home is now becoming much more feasible for many people due to rising childcare costs. The average nursery in my area now charges over £90 a day. For those on a lower income it is simply unaffordable. I know many people who are choosing to have one person at home until their child turns 3 and childcare becomes more affordable.

We made the decision we could only afford 2… pregnancy number 2 was twins so we now have 3. Although we have less money, there’s so much laughter in our home I really wouldn’t change it.

you never know what’ll happen so just go with whatever feels right.