To not be keen on son's girlfriend

I felt unwelcome & disliked by a former mil, I was uncomfortable & ultimately didn't like her. As much as I tried.
However I always offered to help in the kitchen, wash up etc.
I wonder why she doesn't read in sons bedroom? She doesn't want to interact with you.
Id tell my son that she isn't trying to be friendly or interact with the family, you are not her unpaid staff. She makes you uncomfortable in your own home.
If they want to live together they need full time jobs & their own flat.

This sort of stuff op makes people think the rest of it is over exaggerated. As why would you just be exaggerating about rhe book and nothing else. You didn’t know what it was, had to google and you know your kid wasn’t reading it. Just stop.

I had a BiL with a gf like this.
They stayed with us for a weekend, she didn’t engage,
ate with her face an inch from her plate, sat close together on the sofa
whispering and giggling, didn’t clear up or help, didn’t play with the baby,
my goodness they could eat though.
when I commented that this woman of 27 didn’t speak I was assured that
she was “shy”

We then learned the gf taught at the Poly, was politically active,
organised marches, marched on marches!
Shy my eye

Shy is a get out clause - how do you tolerat this imposition.

Cmon now, you had to google the title and your six year old wasn’t reading with her.

I’d be getting her to do laundry and vacuuming instead of sitting on your couch watching you do the work. Tell her she has to earn her board and food. Bet she’d fuck off after a couple of days of that.

Unless she is reading it out loud to your 6 year old stop with the book nonsense. You didn't know what it was without googling. If you liked her this wouldn't be an issue. Don't bring up stuff like this as it minimises the real issues.

Concentrate on those ie. the staying over too much and the failure to engage when she does leaving you uncomfortable in your own home.

As regards the longevity of the relationship they have been together 2 years so you probably do have to work on the basis it is long term. Why not have a chat with him when he is on his own (without mentioning her per se) as to what his long term plans are and what he plans about moving out ie. rent or buy etc and see what that throws up as a starting point.

What's her reading a filthy book got to do with her not being shy?

Just leave them to it, my brother had a gf like this when he was 18 (now his wife of 19 years) and both my parents thought she was rude, until we went to her family for an occasion and she was exactly the same with them. Just laid back and not talkative. I think older generations think its rude to not talk in someone else's home, but I disagree, shes dating your son, not you, and she's a young adult (who sounds younger than her years if she's giggling and whispering) you aren't going to be of any interest to her. I wouldn't say anything as it might upset your son and and if they do go the distance he may not forget your comments.

Financing the deposit and first rent would also be infantilising, surely? But is a neat solution to do it in a way that doesn’t involve saying that you’d like them to move out.

Are they students? as in, why do they work only part time?

Solution to immediate situation -

Provide deposit and first months rent on a flat in your son’s name -
it is time toboot this one out of his well feathered nest - you have
enabled this situation, infantalising a pair of adult children.

I can empathise with the girlfriend to an extent. I was brought up in a crappy household where we all had to fake normal conversations with my mother to keep the peace even though we hated being around her. It never occurred to me when I was in my twenties that people actually enjoyed talking to each other for no reason, or that anyone other than my friends or boyfriend were remotely interested in having a genuine conversation with me.

I’d not have put up with this for 2 years! Would reduce your maximum to one night a week, would not cook for her, and tell DS you remain unimpressed with her poor manners.

Could you crack open a bottle of wine with her?

She's not a child. It's bloody rude to ignore someone when you're living in their house half of the week. Shy isn't an excuse.

Is it rude to read over people's shoulders?

Another who wouldn't be bothered by the book here. But I do require interaction from people who are staying the night in my house, be that friends, girlfriends or boyfriends.

Whispering to each other is extremely rude. At 13-14 I could live with it, but and 21 and 22, not a chance.

Please 🙄 not greeting people you’ve known for 2 years and risk them hearing you shag their son in their house, whilst also reading light bdsm erotica in full view of the whole family, including a 6 year old is NOT shyness.

a shy person is more likely to ask quietly if they can help and then be setting the table in silence.

give me a break. How does she function in the world if she’s too shy for a hello/bye?

BS.

The book wouldn't bother me. The complete lack of manners of hello, please and thank you would irritate me no end. The whispering I would have flipped at both of them - beyond rude

Exactly this. I’m surprised the girlfriend (who’s allegedly so rude) hasn’t told him to go and get his own book if he’s doing this.

He should move out he's 21

Surely if she’s visiting then they should have plans to do something not sitting around like she lives there?

I’d start passive aggressively asking what they’re up to today, where they’re off to and see if they get the message - even start with ‘oh we’re having the house to ourselves today to get things sorted so need you guys out of our hair!’

Why would you have to explain bdsm etc to your 6 year old? It's not his book and it's rude to read over people's shoulders so surely you just tell him not to?

Are there any other reasons that you don't like her? Or is it just the lack of small talk/manners?

She could just be painfully shy. Not everyone can easily overcome shyness.

Your son obviously loves her if they've been together 2 years she must make him happy?

have only read OPs posts. Get son and say that the situation is unacceptable. She is rude, doesn't help out or contribute any way and is a freeloader. She may not stay overnight at all.

And stick to it.

Although just seen they've been together 2 years...that should be enough time. 😅

I would assume she is very shy and self conscious and maybe give her some time.