To not be keen on son's girlfriend

Even if I liked my DS's GF very much (and he dated some wonderful girls) I still wouldn't like her to stay at my house for 3 nights a week. I value my privacy and that includes my immediate family only.

I imagine that they wouldn't be thrilled about me living with them 3 nights a week either, as much as DS loves me. Works both ways.

She may not like or respect you, but she is in your home and eating your food. Basic courtesy should be the minimum response. I’d lose my shit. (Actually have done recently with DD2 about her BF’s behaviour.)

I know @OP is the one who doesn't like her and it's her house. The 'poor' woman should find her own place as she doesn't seem to have been brought up with the manners required to live with her boyfriend's mum or anyone frankly.

OP has good reasons to dislike her DS’s girlfriend and has provided free hospitality part of the week for 2 years! GF is rude and OP’s (subsidised) DS too.

Time for them to rent their own place.

Until then, tell him she can stay over on Monday night only. The rest of the week is family time.

What on Earth are you on about. The op is the one who doesn’t like her, no wonder the poor woman doesn’t say much.

Seriously> you are proclaiming how much you dislike her, and wondering why she doesn’t talk to you, when you can’t stand her, and take issue with the fact she doesn’t like you and now wish your son to move out?

bloody hell.

Exactly. Op clearly has low tolerance and patience. If she was coming in late, causing having in the house or wrecking the place , I dont think many people would put up with it. But not making small talk? Wow

You can't say that she has a poor upbringing.

All we know is that she was reading a racy book and is lacking in manners.

I agree that not saying hello to op or please and thank you is very impolite.

Op hasn't said that she's smoking weed in her house and shit on her floor.

That's why I asked what else she'd done to make op dislike her, I'm really intrigued to know.

You can't change someone's personality, but if two adults are living in your house then you can definitely make them both pay rent. If they don't like it, they can move out into a place of their own..... result! 🙂

She's rude & has poor upbringing. Kick her out!

@Whatinthe1997isgoingon - I have no idea, but meant that she told them both to and didn't back down. I imagine the son at least would then step up (OP can at least talk to him and tell him he is being unreasonable, but doesn't want to confront the girlfriend which I can sympathise with)

But is the son helping out round the house?

Surely it's his job to clean up after his guests. Is the girlfriend following his lead.

I wouldn't be providing a month's rent etc .. pushing them to live together may extend a relationship that would run it's path sooner rather than later!

I would make it clear that if I had cooked they clear up. No big discussion just "right you two clear up, I'm going to bed/out". Hopefully if your son has to do all the work he will see how lazy she is and unreasonable.

OP’s son hasn’t behaved well here either.

Why haven't you spoken to her directly?

Are you really going to ask your son to move out because you don't like his girlfriend?

That was why I asked what else she'd done to make you not like her.

I get that the lack of manners is very rude and making you feel uncomfortable, but is she doing anything horrible to your son?

I don't think I'd want to risk alienating my son just because sure his girlfriend was lacking in manners.

Really OP? She read a book with such a “beautiful” cover that you decided you would maybe like to read it too, so you googled it to find out what it was about, and it was maybe something smutty and your offended she would even read that “infront of you”. You yourself couldn’t work out from the cover what the book was about but you don’t want it read around your 6 year old. Mmmm okay 😬 Unless she was reading it to him as a bedtime story I think you’re being way OTT.

It doesn’t matter if she’s shy. Nothing is any excuse for bad manners sustained over a period of years. She and the OP’s son don’t appear to see the OP as anything other than an inanimate backdrop, or the ‘help’.

OP, this is why having adult children living at home doesn’t work. Tell him he needs to move out.

When my son was about 17 he started seeing this girl who I thought was okish ( although I confess I preferred his previous one) . My husband was away and I was watching tv when they came in after an afternoon out. I let them have the sofa and I sat in the chair and we watched tv ( the bill) together.
After a few minutes I suddenly noticed she appeared to be unbuttoning his shirt , then it got a million times worse when she started licking his chest. I'm not backwards in coming forward but I was utterly gobsmacked and more or less stunned into silence. He was absolutely mortified and was hissing " stop stop wtf are you doing?"
He managed to duck under her arm and stand up. He then said very tersely " we're going out"
He came back about 2 hours later so apologetic. Apparently they'd had a very frank conversation which involved him telling her how out of order she was for making me feel uncomfortable in my own home. I was not upset at all when they split up about a fortnight later. It's gone into the family history stories now and we laugh about it.

Not subtle at all 😂

I think the fact you openly admit to disliking her and had to google to know what the book was, and then repeatedly mention it like it’s a huge deal, says you’re looking for problems as you just don’t like her.

If she's too shy to be polite, she's too shy to stay.

I'd be telling her to help with cooking, not waiting for her to offer. Or better still, tell her and your DS that since you cooked last weekend, it's their turn today. That's the only way you'll get somewhere.

I thought about what you said - I don’t think so, it would be a gift/solution,
as you say.
Your second sentence made me laugh - it isn’t a subtle solution is it.