WWYD - husband loosing his grip on things after cancer diagnosis

Have you actually read the OP's posts about his violent and threatening behaviour today? And how she's waiting for the police to escort her back to the house so she can safely get her belongings?

Edited

@CoCoaButter85 Did you give the police your home address?

I cant help wonder if one of the emergencies may be that your neighbours called them too about him.

Lets hope so.

Keep safe xx

This.

My DM who is a very frail woman now had a severe mental health crisis that I believe was caused by alcohol or at least worsened it became very strong and very dangerous during her breakdown. Don't go back alone.

You say he has mental health issues, it sounds like whatever is going on whether it's alcohol, mental health issues or whatever, he is dangerous. He needs professional help so please don't go back alone.

It sounds like he is in crisis and needs mental health crisis intervention.

If he was doing well pre the cancer diagnosis with his alcoholism then seemingly the diagnoses has increased his anxiety / mental health issues which are now being exacerbated further by the drinking.

Everyone is right about not going in there alone OP, he does need professional help and support at this point.

@CoCoaButter85 Whereabours in the country are you? Maybe some of us are in the same area and we can help you with clothes, somewhere to wait until the police come etc

I suggest you read the whole thread.

Please PLEASE do not go back.

There is nothing you need that cannot be replaced, except your life. And that would seriously be at risk. He is mad as hell that you took the car, go back and you will be the next thing he attacks.

Your life is worth more than clothes or stuff or money.

You say that there are a lot of hotels locally, go to one and check in. FFS woman, keep yourself alive first, nothing else is as important as that. How much use will a work laptop be at your funeral?

Sorry to sound dramatic but that really is the level of danger you would be in if you go back to a hateful drunk violent man who thinks nothing of brandishing a baseball bat.

It has been detected early, he will be treated. My poor Dad was diagnosed too late, it had spread to stage 4 cancer and he didn't act like this. He embraced life, pushed himself to be a part of all family activities. Of course your DP will be scared and angry but does need to realise he's actually very lucky to have surgery and go back to a normal life. Xx

How awful. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I echo wait for the police.

Him hitting the bed with a bat is very disturbing - it's a proxy for your relationship / you. It's like men who punch the wall by their partner's head, and then one day it's her. Please do not later minimise what he has done today, however awful it is to face it (I am not saying you are minimising it now, but it sometimes happens afterwards if/when they calm down and apologise). And WELL DONE for leaving the house and looking after yourself. I am sending you all my best wishes.

Hi OP agree with all the others that you shouldn't go back home. stay safe xx

@CoCoaButter85
I can't see the police being any less busy to come to you on a Friday night which is disgusting seeing as you've fled your home just in what you're wearing.
So, what to do now. Well, you absolutely do not return home. What I would suggest you do is to phone the police and tell them that you are going to a supermarket to buy things for overnight and that you would like to speak to their domestic violence officer tomorrow. Then you need to find somewhere to stay for the night be it a friend, colleague, family member or a hotel. Get some rest and try the police again tomorrow.
It could well be that it's all kicked off at home with the neighbour but don't be tempted to check this evening. Find somewhere to get your head down.

If you need prescription medication urgently I think a late night pharmacy can let you have a limited amount. You can always call 111 for advice on this.
Please stay away from your partner. My ex was an alcoholic, he became very unstable said he was going to rape then kill me. Your husband might be in the”nothing to lose” frame of mind.

@CoCoaButter85 contact your local mental health crisis team and request a mental health act assessment. He really sounds like he needs to be removed and taken to a place of safety. Then you can get your things and get yourself to a place of safety too. I would not go back there this evening. Pop to a supermarket and grab some cheap pyjamas and find a hotel or call the national domestic abuse helpline to find a refuge.

Don't go back to the house without the police OP. No belongings are worth putting yourself at risk. And don't blame yourself for getting police involved - he has created this situation, not you. While I'm sympathetic about his cancer diagnosis, that does not excuse his violent and dangerous behaviour. He is an alcoholic and on no account should you be thinking about starting a family with this man. You would be subjecting a child to a lifetime of a violent alcoholic for a father - that is just horrifically irresponsible. Get yourself to a safe place for tonight and hopefully the police will accompany you to get the stuff you need from the house.

OP this is incredibly disturbing. Adding my voice to the many others who are saying "do not go back to the house"

The police response is disappointing (though sadly not shocking) surely there is a real risk to the neighbours at least even if you are away and safe for now? I agree you need to drive to a police station and spell this out to them.

He is abusive and unstable, the cancer diagnosis is not relevant.

So sorry OP, do NOT forget this behaviour

His actions are bad. He is behaving in a violent and abusive way that makes it unsafe for OP to be in her own home.

Do not enter without the police. Getting your stuff is not worth your life. Domestic abuse escalates and if he’s intoxicated he is likely to be more dangerous. Wait for the police, however long it takes, and take as much as you can away with you, but most importantly all your documents like passport etc.

Did you go with him to the appointment with the Surgeon ? Prostate surgery carries the risk of erectile dysfunction, urinary incontinence and dry orgasm. Which for anyone, especially someone in their 40's is a lot to face. He may have to wear incontinence products, he might never be able to have PIV sex again and he might not be able to father a child.
Non of which excuses his current behaviour, but simply being alive isn't always as rosy as it might first appear. He is probably terrified about some of the possible being alive side effects.

Do not go back into the house without the police.

You've been got a while and his anger may well have escalated.

Even if they cannot come tonight, go to the hotel and wait for them until tomorrow.

Do not return. He is unstable.

Did you read the part where he's smashing up their home and telling her "fuck you"?

And you think she should stay and risk being on the end of the next smash?

Sorry you've been waiting. Is there anything you absolutely have to have tonight? Would the hospital be able to supply an emergency supply of your meds or call 111 and out of hours doctor can prescribe? I wouldn't go back if you can't avoid it. I hope you can get yourself since nice food and a comfy, safe bed. Is there anyone IRL supporting you?

Glad you called the police. What a total wanker.

There's reacting differently and then there's being abusive and threatening. His diagnosis albeit worrying is no excuse. He's choosing to drink knowing how this affects him.