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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask if it’s common for grandparents to do this? Am I being unfair?

53 replies

grralp · 10/05/2024 12:25

I have a one year old and work part time. I take Dd to see my mum one day a week, they have around 3-4 hours together. Sometimes we also meet on another day for a walk or to a cafe, but often it’s just the one morning a week that is guaranteed.

My mum will go away with my dad whenever she feels like and at a moment’s notice. They are both retired. I fully support them doing this and have never once questioned it.

The issue… my mum will literally ask every day or so when she’s next seeing dd. I repeat that it will be Wednesday as usual. She will then say (in front of dd usually as I leave on a Wednesday), that I won’t bring dd back over so ‘sorry dd but your mummy won’t bring you back.’

this then continues and most weekends I’m asked what I’m doing, can I come over etc. When I snap and say ive told her I can’t, she will then say sorry and it stops for a couple of days but inevitably starts up again.

I feel like I have to explain myself all the time. I have been clear and said one day a week I am always committed to, but that doesn’t seem enough. I am being dramatic for feeling really annoyed about this? Is it usual for grandparents to do this?

We live quite close by but I just want some bloody privacy and not to have to explain what I’m doing each day! Sometimes I just want to levee the house with dd and not have to meet anyone else or co ordinate with anyone else. Sometimes I want to decide what I feel like doing on the day. AIBU to think a fixed one day a week is pretty good and I should be left alone a bit the rest of the week to do what I want with DD?

she’s not got memory issues etc.

OP posts:
Farmwifefarmlife · 10/05/2024 12:30

I think it’s nice that grandma wants to see her granddaughter more is she old enough you could leave her there for a couple of hours? Best of both worlds? I used to see my mum pretty much daily with my DD she has now passed and it’s awful one day she won’t be there.

Twentypastfour · 10/05/2024 12:29

She will then say (in front of dd usually as I leave on a Wednesday), that I won’t bring dd back over so ‘sorry dd but your mummy won’t bring you back.’

So every time you leave her on a Wednesday she tells your child that it’s the last time and she won’t be coming next Wednesday? Or am I misreading this..?

I would just pull her up on it and say that you can’t keep bringing DD round if she’s going to say hurtful things.

OhmygodDont · 10/05/2024 12:26

Yanbu

Once a week is plenty and with her drama llama behaviour frankly I’d cut it back to once a fortnight.

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