I want to cut off my sister

Op i hear you. Yes your sister should do better. No we don't expect her to swing from the roof tops screaming "I love my sisters kids" but how about hi kids, how's school or alittle cuddle here and there, the odd card or gift on a bday. Don't bother blocking her , i don't think you need to do that unless she was being harmful to the kids. I would tell speak to her, and that it would be nice if she made a small effort with the kids and there after what ever she does just give back what ever little or alot she gives you.

I wouldn't go to the bother of blocking her. Just don't go out of your way to contact her and don't expect anything going forward.

No doubt your paths will cross at family events, so be nice and say hello, but don't make an issue out of it.

She might reflect on things, in time, and make more of an effort, but if you have blocked her it creates awkwardness.

What an incredibly strange post. No I won’t edit my post because you say so (!?).

Nearly every post on the thread agrees that most people aren’t interested in the children of others, particularly if childless themselves. This is not unusual.

Erm I'm going to have to correct you, ppl do 'genrally' care about their siblings children. I think you got it the other way round that 'generally' most don't. I completely accept that some ppl aren't that fussed, of course but to act like what op is excepting is so entitled is really silly of you. I'd go back and edit your post before more ppl see how silly you've been.

good advice from @StockpotSoup .

You've vented on here which must have helped a bit, but your life is now too busy to waste this time on someone who is just not motivated to get involved. Its hurtful, but this is entirely her problem. Leave her to it. I think in the long run it will have more effect and less impact on your feelings, which are raw atm, if you just quietly drop it and focus on your own concerns much more.

Have you planned some nice outings for yourself and your little family? Maybe some treats? Some new clothes for the summer which will see you through post preg changes? Even just a trip out with baby and others to a really nice park will lift the spirits now the weather's improving and help you focus more on the good things. Another trick I used when feeling upset about things like this was to slap on a podcast or comedy show whilst walking. It was always an uplifting distraction. Wishing you all the best.

As I see it:

You and your sister don't get on.

Your sister doesn't show any interest in your life. Ergo you feel rejected.

You are hurt. Understandable.

But.... instead of quietly processing this and grieving for what might have been (and then moving on) you want to create drama by blocking her.

It'll give you five minutes of satisfaction OP and then you'll feel worse as she either doesn't notice or doesn't care.

Forget the fact she's your sister. There will be other people in your life who aren't obligated to love you but still will. They're your bonus. Focus on them.

I think this is spot on and was similar to what I was going to say.

I (like others)don’t understand your wanting to ‘formally’ cut her off. Surely you just think ‘huh… she was being rude I think I’ll just avoid her for a bit.

I mean what does cutting her off mean to you? Will you give her notice or something or just sort of stop seeing her?

You're different people, and you're allowed to be. You aren't interested in the "career woman" lifestyle and she's not interested in the "mum" lifestyle or kids.

You don't have to be invested in each others thing just cos you're sisters. You are allowed to just see each other occasionally.

You don't have to cut her off because she's not a kid person and you have kids.

I prefer dogs to kids , and I've got four of my own (kids) 😬

I find your posts are extremely me-me-me. Maybe she literally doesn’t care? She could absolutely be indifferent towards children - there’s nothing wrong with that. Maybe she just doesn’t like you 🤷‍♀️. Maybe she’s over you and your three pregnancies and three births and three babies 🤷‍♀️. It’s allowed. There’s no good reason why she shouldn’t be allowed to be this way, or that this means she deserves to be cut off. I mean, do what you want, but imo you’d be the one in the wrong.

It’s appalling to me that you’d acknowledge that she may not care but that you’d rather she fake it. Why would anyone say that?

Anyway, congrats on the birth. Personally I lovely scrumptious newborns and can’t wait for the next one to make an appearance in my life! They’re delicious (especially when you’re not the one getting up in the night with them 😂).

this

I understand why you’re upset with her, and why you don’t really get on in general.

Be honest, though - why do you want to “cut her off” rather than just not bothering to make the effort? Why does it need to be this big line in the sand? Are you trying to punish her? Or is it because you’re secretly hoping that being cut off will make her see the light somehow; that she’ll realise she’s been terribly cruel by not making more of a fuss of you and your children and will beg for your forgiveness?

If it is for one of these reasons, I think you need to mentally prepare yourself for the fact that she might just not give a damn. I don’t say this to be cruel, but given her attitude so far, it’s a distinct possibility. You might be hoping that your decision will be a “Ha! That showed HER!” moment, but there’s no guarantee that will happen. How will you feel if you make the big gesture and her reaction is more of a shrug than shock and dismay? I think you could end up feeling worse than you did to begin with.

You have people in your life who love you and your children. Concentrate on them and enjoy those relationships rather than dwelling on why your sister isn’t as interested or engaged as you’d like.

You are aware that women without children always say they don’t want them right? Have you considered for one minute this might not actually be a choice?

I was thinking this too OP. It would be more taxing on you to do the whole ND thing or make a big statement.

It sounds like you've just been through the mill with a baby in hospital and so emotions are running high and so it has more impact than it would ordinarily.

Are you sure its just rudeness on her part, or is she going through something herself at the moment? Would your mum know?

If it is just rudeness, I think it would be less stressful and more productive for you to quietly fade back let her get on with it and focus on your little family and people who do make you feel good and treat you well.

@jellywelly467 You are being absolutely ridiculous.

It's called ''The selfish gene'' - We are driven to think our own children are marvellous- but relatives don't.

WHY should your sister be fussing over your children?

Other people's babies are of no interest to most people.

Very silly to block your sister re. her not giving your DC the attention you think she should. Think long term - if she doesn't have any of her own - it may be a long shot - but you do not want her disinheriting your DC because of your attitude. Anyway children need to learn from difference experiences in relationships.

You can cut off your sister if you like. You don't need permission.

You sound very over-dramatic and unreasonable to me but if you hate your sister, you hate your sister.

This is a very good idea - no drama required.

I also wonder why she is trying so hard to avoid the subject of children if she is really so happy with her decision. Those women that seem truly content to be child free tend to enjoy the company of children in small doses and are never consumed with vitriol of any kind. They seem to be open to other peoples choices too. I’m not getting that vibe from your sister from what you have said.

If you think about it, is she actually interested in anything about anyone else's life? Was she interested when you got promoation, nice new car, bought/rented your first house?

Crikey calm down.

@jellywelly467 what would happen if you just didn’t contact her? Don’t make the first move to get in touch, arrange a meet up etc? Let her suggest things and see if you feel like meeting, or just see her if you’re both seeing your Mum. So you haven’t cut contact, you just don’t instigate it. And if she doesn’t either then that seems like the right outcome, and if she does then it sounds like she does want you in her life even if she doesn’t have the basic courtesy to ask how you are and you can decide how much of her company you’re prepared to tolerate for a quiet life.

I can’t express the level of disinterest some people who don’t want kids have in other people’s kids.
You are expecting her to be interested because it matters to you, and she is your sister, but you simply cannot make other people care about your interests, no matter how important it is to you, or how supposedly close you are to the other person.
Do you have mum friends you can hang out with with the kids and discuss kid stuff? Trying to get your sister to care will simply never work and will only end in tears.
Also, re the comment about her caring more about the dog than the kids - I don’t think it’s any surprise she doesn’t feel like making an effort! If you can’t get past her not being interested, then go ahead and cut her off. She may well feel relieved.

Going nc in my view should be the last resort, and only considered if there is abuse of some kind.
Someone not being into kids is really is no reason at all. How would she ever understand what it’s like to have a baby in SC if she has never had a baby etc, she just sees that he is fine now no worries.

You probably need counselling op to talk through your feelings and the stress you went through.

I'm not saying this is the case, but sometimes people hide what is actually going on, particularly when it is something so private as fertility. I always used to say I never wanted children, even when we had planned to start trying (because frankly, it is private and no one else's business). So I imagine if I subsequently found myself unable to have children, I would have stuck pretty firmly to that same story as a way to "protect" myself.

On the face of it though, she does sound very rude, and no I don't think it is too much to expect your sister to enquire after you or your child's health, even if she doesn't want to discuss children endlessly (and, crucially, even if she has had fertility problems). I agree with others that cutting her off seems extreme, but in your shoes I'd probably be substantially reducing my level of effort in the relationships.

Just limit your contact with her, you don’t need to flounce off.