To just want to go home after work?

Yes they’re doing you a favour but that doesn’t mean you don’t still need to get your kid home and ready for bed and sort your own dinner out, surely a quick 5 min chat most nights would be fine. I wouldn’t want someone to stay and chat for an hour just because they felt obligated to.

You really don't know how good you've got it having free childcare on tap from a loving and involved grandparent. Plenty of people would love to have that.

Have a conversation with her and agree if you're going to stay after picking up or not, but don't go around her house and pout about wanting to go home when she's doing you such a huge favour.

I feel like this too op, my mum always wants me to stay for a cuppa and a chat but l just want to get home and start dinner.

My Gp used to look after us
My mum used pick us up and after a quick hello take us straight home.
We'd already been fed so it was bath , bit of tv then bed.
Couldn't imagine being much later
We'd have been shattered.

It’s annoying but they’re doing you a massive favour, which means you’re a bit stuck really.

Hi OP,
Having read your update about your parents moving I am wondering whether your parents have not managed to meet people and make friends and so you swinging by on your way home from work is their only adult interaction? It is not fair of them to think that you can meet their entire social needs.

If cutting your hours by only 30 minutes each day allows you to collect your child from afterschool club that would be ideal. Your child could still go to your parents on the couple of days that your parents have them from 3 but come straight home on the after school club days.

I would then if possible arrange to have tea with your parents on the two days that they have your child from three. As they know you will be staying for tea they could start cooking earlier. In fact I would ask them if they know you are coming and staying for tea could you all eat a little earlier so that you can get home at a better time as you and your child are tired when getting home so late.

I wouldn't tell your parents you are changing your hours to spend less time at theirs as such I would just say that you are shortening your hours as the long days for both yourself and your child are making you both very tired - without directly linking it to your parents wanting you to stay.

Don't be ridiculous. The OP is a single mum - she will have tons of things to do when she gets home.

You and DC need time to relax at home. It is a very long day for both of you. YANBU.

It sounds like they expect you to be rewarded with your time. I also sort of see their point of view. But on balance, you need to get DC ready for school the next day, get dinner on, do bedtime etc.

can you blame the child???

i can’t stay tonight mum as little Bob has been a bit tired lately and I want to get him to bed earlier.

So your DP collect him every day and they expect you to socialise every day with them at pickup?! Once or twice a week for sure but every day?! Do you not run out of things to say?! I see my parents once a week and struggle to think of conversation sometimes!

I agree with this if your parent's are open to compromising like this. I think it would be a shame for your parent's & son to lose out on that time with each other and your DM may feel awful afterwards that she's lost seeing you and DGS each day and wish she hadn't been so pushy. It would be nicer if you could discuss and compromise beforehand since you are all family IMO.

As a compromise can you have two agreed nights a week where you stay at your parents a bit longer? Maybe have dinner there etc. then the other three days just do pick up?

Maybe explain to your parents and stay late one night a week.

I think mothers, particularly those who were SAHMs or got massive help from their parents simply don't understand 'being tired from work'.

They may think that as you are sitting at a desk, there is no tiredness. They don't understand the mental tiredness, being careful with work tasks, making small talk with colleagues etc, and STILL having to do housework in the evenings.

You obviously appreciate their help and involvement but they should understand that after a long day you want and need to go home. How about suggesting that one day each week you you have tea with them and a proper catch up but will be just picking DS up the other days.

It is better for your son to have his grandparents look after him. Do they do holiday care too? So I would try to continue with the arrangement but I think you need to be brave and be honest with your mum and tell her you are not being rude or ungrateful but you need to have time at home with your son.

Exactly - I work from home most days and i will have dinner on the table when mu husband comes home or ready 5 mins later . Some days if he home earlier he will get it ready, but in OP's case i don't understand why the parents don't have it ready. I agree aswell contribute to the shipping or have an online delivery sent

I would do it that way too. That would be a tremendous help to op. She could then go home and just completely wind down. If I was op I think I would offer to contribute to their shopping.

I was going to advise you against the MN habit of going into the past misdeeds or character traits of the other person. Try to deal with this without doing that - especially on MN because there will be people who think they know your dm from this post and will jump in and demonise her when she is probably just a person with flaws just like every single one of us.

If I were you I would apologise for what I had said and say that it had been a particularly gruelling day and that you’d just needed to get to your own house, relax, have a bit of a cry be quiet because you have been talking all day. Communicate. If your dm continues to take this personally and doesn’t understand then she is bu.

If it was me I would just pick up the child and go every single day but I would schedule in some child free time with dm - treat her to a lovely long lunch or something.

if I was your dm I think I might love having dgs over every night but would be relieved when you came to pick him up so I could relax but we are all different.

i haven’t rtft so do not know the outcome but i think that just being nice to each other and appreciating each other is so important in these misunderstandings At least one of you has to ensure that this does not escalate.

You’re not BU but you also have a massive amount of free childcare that you’re effectively complaining about. It’s also clear you’re an adult and should be capable of having a sensible conversation with your DM, even if she doesn’t like the results.

Does he not get to do any clubs? Scouts, football, swimming etc?

Maybe one option would be to sign him up to something - for example they drop him off at Beavers at 6pm then you collect at 7pm. The handover is done without seeing them.

I think I’d take DM some flowers, explain that you are shattered from the working week/commute and maybe explain that it would be lovely if you could have an arrange night each week that you stay and have dinner and quality time with them, but would they mind if you grabbed and ran on the others? I’d explain that you love and appreciate them, but work is just too much at the moment…

Can you compromise and stay longer one night a week? For dinner maybe?
I think your mum should understand that you are tired and have stuff to do in the evenings but also probably just likes catching up with you

If it were me I would go round (no DS) with a bunch of flowers and a thank you card and express sincerely how grateful I am.

id say I was feeling really fatigued with work and can’t cope with getting home so late when I’ve been out the house since 8am.

I’d say I’d love to come for tea one night a week and please can it be xxx day? And the other nights can I please collect and run, as I desperately need to carve out some time for myself at home.

Start by bringing over a smelly microwave meal every time to eat there. Start staying late or asking to stay over. Ask to see them on a weekend day and be there all day. Be very very enthusiastic and chatty, put a little music on and dance with DS. MIX IT UP A BIT

Some advice on MN is really odd.