To just want to go home after work?

Has your mum ever had a job? I'd imagine a grown up with life experience would be more understanding. Find alternative childcare and find time to spend with your mum.

I think there's a possibility for a good arrangement that meets everyone's needs here. If I was your mother, I'd be offering to have dinner ready at 6.30 the nights I have your child, so you don't have to cook that night and we can eat together. Saves you having to feed and clean up after the evening meal after work for those two days (which you must do anyway), and the parents get a short visit while you eat.

Yanbu it’s knackering but your parents are helping.
what’s the dinner arrangements? Why don’t you explain you are so tired, need to get up the road every night at a decent hour but maybe you could agree one night a week to do a takeaway and spend a wee bit more time on that night.

My Mum would pick me up from my Granny’s house everyday after school. She’d come in, collapse in an armchair, have a 20 minute chat and then get going. They’d make her a quick cup of tea. I think they are doing you a massive favour and just want a chat, but an hour is far too long. Why don’t you get in to a routine where you have dinner one night and stay for an hour or so, on Mondays just dash in and out, Tuesdays stay for 20 mins etc etc. So they know which day you can hang around and which days you need to dash off.

maybe if you explain how tired you are and that you have lots to do at home she may understand? And that you will catch up on Friday evening/weekends . it’s so exhausting working and being a parent there’s never time to switch off , even worse if you can’t be in your own home! I don’t agree with people saying it’s the price you pay for free childcare. It’s your mum surely she’s doing it to help you out it doesn’t mean there should be some other sacrifice because you are not paying it makes no sense !

You are absolutely NOT being unreasonable. Working is draining and as well some jobs worse than others for people, either way. I would see the child care as just this and whilst you're grateful for the help, it's better to connect at other times. Maybe tell her you really love seeing her but working sucks so much energy so you leave early as you don't feel you both get to really spend as much quality time and you'd prefer to plan time together at another time. Maybe do a couple of hours a week or every two weeks together just you and your Mum and maybe she will feel her needs are met that way?

12.58 would be most people's lunch break 🙄

I think bothnof you have a point. Could you not say once a week you will stay and chat for an hour or so. The other times you will go home. Or go at the weekend. You need to talk to your mum about this. Not great getting home so late.

I think your mum needs to develop some emotional/ social intelligence, personally I would have thought it would be common sense/ obvious that you just want to get home from being exhausted from work and actually it’s a bit cruel in a way to tire you out more by expecting you stay all the time. Clearly she doesn’t get it, so you need to be honest and spell it out to her , tell her how exhausted you feel and how you are made to feel guilty for not staying and that’s not fair. If she still doesn’t get it- get a child minder then she might get it then!

If you have a decent employer, they should be open to more flexible work arrangements. I usually work 9-5, but on office days I leave at 4.30 and either have a shorter lunch break, or make up time up on wfh days (which means a 5.30 finish but still early enough for a 6pm after school club finish). Really recommend an open and honest chat with your line manager. Also check your flexible working policy

I think you are both being reasonable:) if I were you I’d feel exactly the same but equally your parents just want to see you too. How about you explain the pressures of not getting home until later, eating late, getting DS to bed etc and say it’s not you don’t want to see them just that you’re exhausted and really pushed for time. You could suggest staying at theirs for dinner one night where you bring food or pick up takeaway on your way to theirs and so you have a good catch up and then the rest of the time limit it to 20-30 mins max?

There needs to be a compromise. You need to have a conversation about expectation. If you can’t or won’t have the conversation they still insist on you staying you need to pay for childcare or change your hours or carry on staying

Whether or not you DP are unreasonable doesn’t matter (they may very well be) in the end childcare is your responsibility.

I think your DP should understand that you are too tired to socialise after work. However I do understand that they probably want to see you. If you were my DD I'd either offer you dinner on one of the nights if you wanted it, to save you cooking, or try to arrange to spend some time with you at another time. However ultimately i wouldn't see the childcare I provided as 'buying' me your time when you'd rather be at home. So, your DP are U. Quite what you do when you're dependent on them though, I don't know.

Why can’t your parents take him to your house on the nights he’s only being picked up from ASC and then you can go straight home and they can leave?

Maybe plenty of people would love that but I bet they wouldn't love getting home late every night and missing one-on-one time with their child.
People don't get to do favours then demand any price for it and no complaints. Relationships are two-way.

they are being unfair, they shouldn’t expect you to stay 1hr plus every day. I’d adjust my hours as I couldn’t cope with that. Yes they are being helpful but they aren’t thinking of their daughter and how tired she is and how many jobs she’s got waiting at home (including cooking dinner).

I don’t think it is unreasonable. Sometimes I feel like my parents don’t want me lurking around. I get a ‘oh you are coming in?’. I’m a full time working single Mum. My parents know I am knackered and I know when after I’ve picked DD up they want to watch pointless and the Chase in peace. They remember what it was like working full time/multiple jobs and looking after children. Nothing is taken personally, we all love each other, they have only got to fart and I’ll be back over their house to help them or take somewhere. My family has never been one to live in each others pockets, doesn’t mean we all don’t love each other or anything though, we all know where we are if we need each other.

Your son is coming to an age where he won't to be stuck in at his GPS.
This conversation was going to happen sooner or later
They can't expect you to be their social club.

Can your son not stay at after school club every day and once a month spend the day with your DP.
Because I don't think it's very on you either

I totally understand OP. I absolutely hate this, the worst is when you need to be somewhere or you’re tired. Slightly off topic but it’s one of the reasons I hate reading posts about people being late. I had DC before my friends and really struggled to find childcare and to wrap up the endless chatting when dropping my DC off with exMIL. I was a single mum and she was doing me a favour so I couldn’t just interrupt her and run off but it made me late all the time, even if I built in extra time. My friends would criticise me for being late and I’d feel so anxious. I wasn’t thinking my time was more important, as is usually posted on here, I was listening to my ex-MIL and getting increasingly stressed. I often wonder whether any of these friends feel differently now they have DC to drop off, one did apologise.

Bloody hell, that’s mad! You must absolutely dread the end of the day. I know they help you by giving you free childcare but how can they expect anyone to stay so late! I honestly think they’re expecting too much. Could you suggest one a night a week you stay? Then the rest you need to get home and sort your own life out. You must be absolutely exhausted!

I know exactly where you're coming from only dps dog sit but I'm still at there house everyday during the week

I find compromise like I can stay later a couple of days a week have a cuppa sort things out chat. Then the other days I say bye and go.

Did your Mum have to work full time?

Can DS Dad not get involved with picking up? I initially read it as him doing 2 pick ups a week.

I don't think it's fair for DS to be out so late - do you think they are convinced their house is nicer than your flat?

If you can afford to you should ask to either reduce or condense your hours & maybe work longer a few days & finish earlier the other day(s). It must be quite restrictive to have to be around every afternoon all year. What about if they want a holiday or an afternoon out?

You say that you starting earlier created a problem before school, is breakfast club an option?

This is my mom! Can't just pop in to collect something you need to spend an hour there talking. So I avoid going unless I have the time.