To just want to go home after work?

Aw, I feel for you. Has your mum never been out to work?
When mine were younger I always wanted to pick them up as early as my job would allow as I always felt guilty not collecting them from school myself. And you have so much to do once getting them home, making tea, getting clean clothes for next day, lunch boxes, homework.
I'd try and get my hours re arranged so that maybe you could use after school club or Calculate if it's worth paying after school fees or reducing your hours ..less tax and NI
I do feel for you as it's a long day for children and mine were always tired & hungry & ready for home by 3.30pm.
They aren't little for long either.
Once at high school you can maybe reschedule things .
Good luck & all the best. Xx

Not at all! But I Know that feeling and the guilt afterwards. Reverse the situation and would you make your kids feel like that in the future? Probably not x

She agreed with me, so no it was not.

I think the entirety of your comment is completely unnecessary, as we’re sharing opinions. OP asked for opinions and I gave mine. The fact that you’ve spoken aloud to yourself isn’t my concern.

What is OP supposed to apologise for? Visiting her parents on weekends to spend the day with them and going on days out together every other weekend?

Staying and socialising with her mum 80% of the time after pick up?

This is it you see. Nothing ever really comes free. Every day is a big big ask. You are going to be so beholden as they age, it's expected already.

You need to talk with your parents.

No one likes feeling unappreciated - especially your grandparents as daily childcare and taxi service for your child.

The onus is on you to apologise. Explain to them that you feel under a lot of pressure right now. Tell them you're not sleeping as well as you could.

And state how incredibly grateful you are for their support.

But if ds is at their home every day after school - talk to your parents and maybe agree on Friday nights you stay and socialise and maybe have dinner there?

Because you do know how unappreciated they feel. Because you would not have whined and been rude, if you hadn't felt unappreciated yourself for all the hours you work to support yourself and ds.

That’s the price you pay for free childcare, you pay with your sanity

I'm a grandmother and not really a morning person but much prefer doing the mornings, it means that my DD has more time with them after school and can do the homework and reading as well as have more time to relax. I collect from school one day a week as she goes in (normally WFH) and I give them supper. They don't do after school club but she can do a full days work by the end of the school day if she starts at 7.

@Keeper11 have you genuinely missed that OP and her son often go over to her parents on weekends to spend the day with them and they all go on days out together every other weekend or are you just massively projecting? The OP is different to your son.

This is really difficult and as OPs have said nobody is BU. I am a grandmother and I used to be hurt, when I wasn’t even invited in, after I delivered my granddaughter home. I used to think a brief chat with my son, was my reward for doing the school run, feeding and entertaining the child etc etc. BUT I am forced to realise they have their own lives to live and can’t spare a few minutes to chat to me. In your circumstances why don’t you set aside one evening a week, when you all eat together and have a chat. For all the other days, you pitch up, collect the kids and go home. Talk to your mum about this, it can turn into something you all look forward to. You can take wine or chocs etc etc and turn it into a really nice evening. Other posters have suggested this - we can’t all be wrong!

I would feel exactly the same as you. To smooth things a bit with her can you just say your DS looks tired every morning and you should try to get home a bit earlier for bedtime routine so he can get more sleep?

I totally understand you want to go straight home after picking up your DS. Can’t you talk to your parents about how tired you feel after work and perhaps to have the evening with them once per week - eg on a Friday when you could have a meal with them. It is a bit inconsiderate of your DPs not to understand your situation.

To be honest I feel it’s really selfish of your DM to expect you to hang around. Who wants to get home at 8, that’s no evening for your DC or you. Can’t you agree to collect and run then maybe commit to spend a Friday night there or something? Are you then getting home at 8 and cooking dinner?

I think your mother is being high maintenance. YANBU

Can your mother not have your child at your house after school instead of paying for after school club or take to yours after the after school club.

Do you do a 35 hour week, 1 hour a day unpaid lunch? I would put a flexible working request to reduce to a 30 min lunch, finish at 5 and do pick up 3 days a week yourself if you could.

YANBU

it’s exhausting and it’s not good for the children getting home that late . I understand they want to see you but I think the way they’re acting about it is being a bit unreasonable as they are making it as something you own them .

I would explain to them that you really appreciate what they are doing but you are exhausted and even say the children are really tired the next day . Maybe say if they’re feeling a bit used , maybe you should find other arrangements ( likely they will say not to ) but say you want your time with them to be quality - to chat to them when you’re not exhausted and worrying about everything you have to do when you get in ! Maybe arrange a time ( not weekly - maybe a day once a month ) where you come and spend the day with them

Your mam sounds lovely and thoughtful.

OP I feel your pain!!

my DP’s collect my son from school 3 days per week and I finish 530pm. He is in school two days per week for after school club.

Fortunately my mum is great and I text her “need to do a quick turn around time” and she gets him ready at the door. Some days I go in too, but not if tired and got to get back and cook tea etc. she’s always super chilled either way. I also pay her £50 a week. She wasn’t comfortable with it but I felt happier she wasn’t being taken advantage of.

I book dentist etc on the days she has him and she takes him to various things like that. If I’m running late she will sort his tea.

Sometimes you just need to say “I’m wiped from work and just need to get home to start the wind down routine from work because I’m shattered”.

I agree.
Whilst its great that she helps you out.

Your DS must be absolutely exhausted by the time you get home.
It disrupts putting to bed routine,
never mind homework which will start to increase.
and cooking evening meal, daily chores and getting Yourself ready for the next day.
Maybe if you let your Mum know this aspect of it, she might begin to understand. There's been some helpful suggestion on here about having an agreed "late" and then agreed days when you go straight home.

We had something similar with one childminder (paid) who used to insist on lingering chats at pick up and then started bringing out wine etc.. and getting home later and It was like extending the work day really. I couldn't stop before bedtime and it was knackering.

I had a similar situation for a year -not parents but an old friend, although I was paying her it was still similar situation as she viewed me as friend calling in, and wanted me there for coffee chat gossip every day, offered to feed us at least once every couple of weeks, no matter how many times i'd say i was dashing she'd say oh I have the lunchbox/coat/ school bag in kitchen just come in for a min and i'd be stuck, or they will be finished watching x in ten mins, or i told the kids they could go next door to play on swings to give us time for a private chat. I have to admit i didn't have the guts to have a frank conversation, i didn't want to hurt her feelings, and i thinks she was lonely missing work , her husband usually only got in after 9pm, etc. I just claimed i was addicted to eastenders and had to get home in time to have things sorted so i could watch it at 7.30, that was a couple of nights a week, claimed i had a Tesco delivery one evening a week, made a special effort one day to arrive with biscuits and gossip.

This is the crux of it for me. My parents have the kids twice a week after school until either my husband or I picks them up, at around 5:45pm. My parents understand that we just want to take them home and not hang around to socialise, but we also make a real effort to see them outside of these childcare arrangements. We often have them over for dinner or a day out at the weekend, or I will meet my mum for a coffee on my day off. I am so grateful to them for the childcare, I would hate for them to think we take it for granted!

OMG my kids stay too long we just want them to piss off after doing 8 to 9 hours of childcare. I mean I love them but I have a life too.

Suggest you bring a take away dinner one night a week. Be happy to stay a couple of hours.
Let them know you are a busy working mum, and need time to get dinner, school lunch for next day, early nights on school nights.

Tricky one. We are GPs but only pick up our DGD one day a week and then take her back to her own house. If we had her every day after school or after school club even if only for half an hour or so it would be incredibly restrictive so I think you are lucky they help you to that degree. However I think if you work full time and have had a long day it is not unreasonable to expect you to want to go home straight after picking him up.

Do you see them weekends? Maybe a conversation just saying how much you appreciate their help but after a long day at work sometimes you need to go home and decompress so point out it is the FT work that is wearing you out not them. Staying one night per week for dinner and maybe seeing them briefly on the other four nights but making time to see them weekends or school holidays might help?