To just want to go home after work?

Could you change the arrangement, so that you just pop in and pick up your child say mom-thur, but commit to staying for dinner on Friday? Maybe if they knew they were going to get quality time with you each week they wouldn’t be so bothered about you staying for a bit each day?

Do your parents live near you? Could they pick your Son up & take him home to yours rather than back to theirs? It would mean you can go straight home & your parents could stay on a bit after you arrive home & maybe have dinner with you both giving you time to chat & catch up & not stressing or getting in late.

Could you sit down with your Mum or go for a walk and explain to her how overwhelming life is and that you need some down time before needing to get to bed and do that schedule yet again? Maybe suggest staying one night/week for tea and that you love catching up and just need the other couple days to de-stress and prep for the next day? As a FT working Mum for much of my life I would also find that really hard.

You are pretty lucky and although single parent is hard so is being the child of a single parent. Try enjoying the time where your child experiences everyone together, in reality it is easy to sink into solitude as an ambition and that is not the best route.

I suggest a heart to heart with DP and before you begin to explain your position you may want to lead in with telling them you love them so dearly and wish there was two of you to go around but there is not so what you are going to express is from your heart and not meant to make them upset.

Explain your situation and ask if they want to continue to watch their GS if you want to just go home after you arrive to pick him up? This need not be a threat. Just explain you don't want them to feel left out or used or anything other than loved and appreciated. Tell them you miss them too. That you hope the relationship they are building with your son is special to them and worth the cost of not having your full attention at this time in life and that there will be more time in the future. Let them know that if they could bless you with this request to go home, you would be forever grateful.

Be sweet. Express their desire for your company as something you are grateful for but at the same time your staying means late arrivals home, an exhausting evening, tremendous guilt if you cannot stay, grumpy mom in the morning and poor work performance. Loving parents, after hearing this will understand. they may not be happy but they will understand. You are also giving them a choice here to honor what they need emotionally without being responsible for their happiness, which you are not. They many decide that they don't want to watch DS if they can't have the whole meal....

Thank them from the bottom of your heart and tell them how much they contribute to both yours and his quality of life. And then offer to commit to a weeknight or weekend day one time a month and hang with them if that works for them. It's sounds like they enjoy your company and miss you and just need to hear an honest expression of what you are feeling.

One day last week I was at their house after work and felt particularly frazzled and, thinking I was alone, I whined aloud to myself "I just want to gooooo hoooome". My DM overheard me 😳
I doubt that was accidental.

Change your hours and put your child in breakfast club. This is what I have to do.

I thought this too. She is literally demanding your attention and having it focused on her to an uncomfortable extent. How much attention does your poor DC get whilst all this is going on? (expected to play quietly? and not interrupt - when he should be getting a bit of attention from you?) And she knows its difficult for you to say no because free child care.

No way should you have to cut your hours because she's unwilling to relinquish you and is not bothered about the difficulty getting home so late every night puts on you and your DC. You are a single parent and you need every penny. It would make you even more dependent on them, not less. Particularly when all that is required is a willingness to let you get home after a long tiring day at work. Its selfish.
Its not like you don't spend a considerable amount of time with her at the weekend and on days out. But it seems that's not enough for her.

I think when people act like this you have to say to yourself. What is fair in these circumstances? You are a mum and your DC needs are a priority over parents, and therefore so are your own needs, since you are his carer.

What bad effect would it actually have on your DM if you were able to pick up DC and leave at a reasonable time, so that you had more time to relax and organise your own household for you and your DC?

YOu still see her regularly and give her attention? It wouldn't have a bad effect on her at all, but it would have a beneficial effect on you. You have to take a step back to think about why you feel guilty and why its so difficult to say this to her.

You need your time and space. I understand DGPs but my DDiL looks after her DGCs several times a week and often at week-ends. Generally when parents turn up she wants them to go as quickly as possible.

As much as gp giving childcare is lucky and we should be grateful some actually do it for themselves as they enjoy it

And I say that as someone who has a lovely mother myself, but she is controlling and does try to have a day over everything I do, even if that’s just putting her opinion across, sometimes rather rudely and upsets me!

Do you think your mum is coercive/controlling? It isn’t normal that you don’t feel able to talk to her about something as fundamental as having time alone with your son after work with your son. And it’s not normal for a mother to not understand how tired her DD must be after a day at work… and sulk rather than respect your wishes!

I look after my grandchildren, one during the day and one school pick up, I love them dearly but I also love when mum or dad picks them up, they ll be ready and waiting and I ll be on the settee with my feet up as soon as the doors closed lol 🤣 when I want to see my daughter or vice versa I ll pop round to see her for a cuppa or she ll come to me on her day off. After work days and childcare days we all just want to be in our own homes because we re all tired needing to relax, think you need to sit down and explain to your parents and maybe make a different time with them for socialising

Use this an opportunity now!
Say to your mother ‘I’m sorry I upset you BUT after work I’m exhausted and really do need to go home and have some time alone with DS before bed, you must barely see him! tell her 8pm is far too late for you and DS to be getting home. I would politely ask her if she could start cooking earlier once a week so you can both eat With them and still be home at a reasonable time…
Can you arrange morning childcare so you can finish early enough to pick DS up yourself on those 3 nights? Does his school not do breakfast club?

It is very good of your parents to have your son but it shouldn’t be used as a way of manipulating you into spending time with them every bloody day after work when you’re exhausted! I would just turn up and not even step in side, just state ‘I’ve had a really day, am exhausted and need to go home ‘ she might sulk at first but it will soon become the norm…. Just say (if questioned) that we will see you at the weekend, but after work I just need to collect and run ‘

not sure if this had been suggested or not yet. Could your DS have a sleepover one night midweek - so all evening and then taken to school by GP in morning? It sounds like space is not an issue given the house and cat sitting when they are on holidays . Does he have a room there?

You could then potentially use those 2 days to do a late finish and an early start to bump up your hours to enable one day elsewhere in the week to go straight home.

GP might see this as a positive and it gives flexibility for you

Does your dad have any input into what your mum expects from you or does he just stay out of it?

Yes they are being really good to you and DS with childcare but it sounds like your mum is still wanting to parent you too and control your time. When you agreed to move to be near them so they could help with DS, after they moved first, did they buy a house that was big enough for you all - I'm just wondering if DM is sometimes a bit manipulative - luckily you've kept your independence but there's an undercurrent of a power struggle going on - like you're supposed to please her and do as she says. She's making you feel guilty for wanting to be in your own home - there can't be that much opportunity for mum/son time during the week as things are and I think you need to prioritise that time rather than doing what your mum wants. You need to talk to her and gently remind her that you have your own home and can make your own choices about how to spend your time after work.

I think she sounds like a bit of a control freak - making you feel guilty for wanting to go home when clearly she thinks you should do what she wants. You're not even allowed to say you want to go home without her scolding you. Does she think you're 12?

Could you work 09:15 to 17:15? I used to do that as it meant I could catch certain trains. Would that help?

Even being lucky with the free childcare it sounds hard for you OP, as with any SP, so difficult when the dads dont help.

The logical solution would be to ensure you have one evening as a longer one and the others a quick click and collect! You see them on a weekend and you do need to get home for you and dc absolutely.

Could you reduce your hours, could they take them to your home?

Long days every day with little evening relaxation aren't easy. Xx

Let your parents know how much you appreciate all the childcare they're doing for you. If you're not staying long explain that you need to get DS home for dinner, do homework, have a bath or whatever but make sure they hear that you wish you could stay rather than "I want to go home". Perhaps arrange in advance that you will have dinner with them one night a week?

Reduce your hours. If you can't then find a new job. If you don't want to take your DM's free childcare then look after your own child.

She wants to go home, she should be allowed to go home.

Can you leave some pjs and toothbrush at their house and when you get there run him a bath and have a cuppa etc with you parents while he’s in the bath and when you take him home he’s sorted for bed? Assuming they feed him tea too.