Lots of people are anti social and rude but not autistic.
One thing you cannot do is determine that or diagnose from a thread on social media. If he does have ASD if would be at the more milder end because it has not been flagged up hitherto by school etc and moreover he had a girlfriend which is a huge feat for someone with more significant ASD especially before the age of 25.
That behaviour could equally be a symptom of depression where he is not really coping but just about able to keep going. Why did he split from his girlfriend?
Equally, It might be the case that he is a rude antisocial person who doesn’t care that you are having to clean up after him. He should then be treated accordingly.
In any event, ASD is no excuse for his behaviour. My son who has complex needs with ASD would be in real trouble for acting like that as he had learnt to show respect to us but also to himself. He would be counselled to explain that sort of behaviour was wrong and he would be extremely keen to try his best.
I do despair at people suggesting that based on this it sounds like ASD. ASD is far more than just being anti social - it’s a huge range of issues.
Anxiety is a huge issue often with ASD. An example is that my son called me about 5 times in succession because he was concerned about his college work and his life skills course. He then called his father a few times. He then called me back because he was feeling anxious and wanted to hear my voice. So this carried on a succession of calls until he got home and called me to ask how to put his laundry on. He wants to do chores but gets really anxious eg re washing glass bowls or carrying trays etc. ASD is not being lazy - it’s struggling to do things due to anxiety or lesser so, not seeing the reason for the action.
Not understanding people’s intentions and literal interpretation of language is a huge issue - why are people talking to him, why are they requiring information? Why do they ask where he lives? This inability to grasp the other persons intentions creates fear and anxiety. At school you would have had all sorts of communication issues eg teachers instructions such as ‘take a page’ son confused ‘mum where do I take a page to?’ He was terrified at school by some completely innocent remarks. He failed to understand body language or people’s expressions - it’s a terrifying world to be honest. You would have encountered huge issues at secondary school with communication problems.
Also they have to learn to understand how people feel and this can be tough for instance when my father was dying so my son had to think it through ‘ you are upset because your dad is dying…’
This can be hugely impactful in a work environment. Your son is managing to hold down a job - this is rare with ASD when unemployment rates are about 70%. Few have girlfriends or form any form of relationship because they don’t get past the communication issues.
ASD is also accompanied with repetitive behaviour and rigidity of thought. My son literally bounces up and down whilst trying to do things eg he tried to cook himself a pancake at 5am whilst wearing socks on a hard floor and bouncing. He then proceeded to bounce upstairs at 6am. For years he would
bounce and grunt in front of the tv. Also there was years of hand flapping and just odd gestures. As a child he toes walked and had special boots.
Inability to control the object of hyperfocus which for my son is History. He is currently obsessed with the Ottoman invasion of Christian Europe and the various battles yet he already has a History A level and needs to focus on Politics but can’t drag himself away from the fascination of this obscure topic to the extent he walks around the house with headphones plugged in listening for several hours, He knows that he has to learn about how Parliament works but some obscure historical battle in far more fixating - this can devastate learning and ability to function - eg ensure nutrition.
SPD or sensory issues are huge - aversions to noise, tastes, smells. The likelihood of working in an industrial setting is low. The reality is this permeates into daily life. You are aware as a parent of every bin in the street or overgrown bush by a pavement. You are aware of where speakers are in cafes. You would have been dragged out of shopping malls when he was a child. There were no party invites or if there was an invite it would be hugely terrifying to the person with ASD who wants to fit in but can’t cope. As a consequence, people with ASD have odd facial expressions of grimacing or contorted body language so for instance have to learn to relax the body to look more ‘normal’. I cannot describe the walk but for instance my son will walk like that as he gets into a swimming pool today.
People say that ASD is hidden but at a level where it’s impacting the ability to live - I don’t think so. It takes 5 minutes for people to see that something is wrong. ..there is a difference in posture, mannerisms etc. As parents we can pretty much see more significant ASD - the walk , demeanor or gait is a real giveaway.
The lack of executive functioning is something less. …literally everything might have to be run for them eg what he is doing on every day
There so much that I could write - but it’s a triad of impairment and not just being anti social and not washing up properly. If properly diagnosed by the NHS it’s a multi disciplinary team and they look at language, OT issues etc. Also the assessment is done in a variety of settings. This is the gold standard.
There are lots of private assessments of ASD but I’m not sure how comprehensive those are.
Dyspraxia is also more complex than being heavy handed and breaking a bin! It’s not dyspraxia it’s now motor coordination disorder. There would be numerous symptoms when younger too many to go into. Not even knowing where your nose is and being able to touch it might be a clue. Falling over slightly higher grass or manhole covers. There would be an inability to open packets or cans, chop things etc. These can be overcome to a degree with repeat practice and aids etc. Again school would flag as there would be comprehensive issues eg in PE, DS , using a Bunsen burner in Science etc As a child there would have been issues with jumping and hopping on one leg etc etc.He would have struggled to ride a bike and would have learnt to alternate feet down stairs at a far older age eg 7-10 as opposed to 3-4.