Is this nursery arrangement unfair on dc?

Strange that mine don't and never had behaviour problems. DD1 was a stroppy teen for a couple of years but the other 2 sailed through childhood and all 3 doing well in young/ young adult life.

And there wasn't so long of maternity leave then so mine were in full time all before 6 months ( 13 weeks in case of the eldest)

So I don't think that's a very good study a few of your sons schoolmates.

No one regrets spending too much time with their kids, lots do come to regret not spending enough time with them when they could have.

They are only little for a short time, these first few years are precious and key to the people they become - my personal view is that if you can afford to work less and enjoy your little ones while they are little - then do it. You are unlikely to regret it. You can increase your days when they are at school every day.

Could you afford a nanny ?
Maybe that would suit you better as you would not have to rush him out of the house in the morning and he could stay home in his own environment for longer, he could go home during the day for a nap if needed and the can do his dinner ect, he can play with his own toys ect.

DT’s went to nursery full time from six months old. We didn’t “stick” them there - we chose an excellent nursery with amazing staff - two became our babysitters and long term friends. They went to nursery so we could go to work and continue with our careers.
Neither DT’s or any of their friends from nursery had any behavioural issues.
DT’s are now in their early 20’s - well adjusted, happy, healthy successful adults.

Mine went full time from 3 months and so will my twins.

Of course it’s fine, it’s nursery.

It wouldn’t sit well with me either. But if you’ve got no choice you’re here for people to reassure you.

In my experience children who are stuck in childcare full time from a young age often have problems of some sort. The kids in my Son’s class who were in nursery full time from 18 months all have ‘behaviour problems’.

I wouldn’t have a child just to have to stick them in nursery full time.

He's two. Until he reaches the age of 12, his idea of normal will be whatever his life is.

And why on earth would you think 5 days at nursery would be "too much"? It's nursery! They get to play and learn and socialise with other small people, and be fed and hydrated. Heck, they even throw in an afternoon nap. Every single day.

My DD (9) started nursery full time at 8.5months, and DS1 (7)) at 13months. Both were fine and DH and I continue to have lovely relationships with them. DS2 is also due to start full time from 13months at the end of my mat leave. It’s normal, it’s healthy, and it sets them up really well in terms of peer social relationships, relationships with other adults, skills for school. You don’t need to feel guilty about it at all. It’s much more important that you are able to provide financially and emotionally, being well rested etc. I am convinced most people only experience ‘Mum guilt’ around nurseries because social media tells them they should. Very little Dad guilt out there, or guilt about leaving DC with grandparents 5 days/week.

My DS went 5 days for at least 2 1/2 years, he loved it. Never saw a single downside to it.

Both mine were full time from 1 and absolutely fine. That quite the norm at the nursery they went to as well.

I wish now I’d maybe cut my hours down and spent more time with them when they were little, but equally maintaining my career meant we can afford holidays, I don’t have to worry too much about unexpected expenses etc. I think there are always compromises, but it all works out in the end.

All four of mine were in full time from 1. It wasn’t detrimental to them in any way

Don’t feel guilty, my eldest was in full time nursery 5 days a week from 5 months, I simply had to work to pay the bills. She’s grown up fine! 😊

Children tend to accept what their days are like if he's happy for 3 days he'll be happy for more. I think it is you who has the (natural) is he really ok without me for 5 days worry ? If he is safe and happy then l would accept that. The time you spend with him is about quality not quantity.

But you did this to yourself right. Your ds will be fine 5 days a week. He would be fine 5 days a week now where you could take a day or 2 off here and there during the week to relax but you won’t let that happen. You have to think is it really better for him to go only 3 or 4 days a week but have a stressed out mom. Or better to go 5 days a week with a mom who can relax more.

My eldest was 4 days from 18 months and second from 9 months. 4 days is right - any more would feel like too much for me, they love it but the 4th day is always a struggle to get them up and out. If you can get away with it until they are 3 I would, you'll likely go back up eventually - but if you wanted to stay at less hours it would work out with school finishing times.

Both of mine were in home daycare from 6 weeks of age. They started school at age 5 and continued home daycare as my job did not finish until 4 or 4:30 pm and the bus dropped off at 3:50 pm.

Their dad had jobs that were overnight or were from 10 am to 7 pm or until he finished the job.

No need to feel guilty.

Let him go full time. Don't go down to 4 days at work. You'll get less holiday and less pension! You've given him a great start. Put him in full time and enjoy having actual holidays with him rather than using up all your annual leave to cover 1-day per week.

You'll regret not having holidays with him before he goes to school - you'll be stuck with expensive school holiday prices. Go now outside of term times and enjoy the time and cheaper holidays!

He wont remember that you were there on a Wednesday but he will remember holidays you went on.

My 2.5 year old went 4 days a week from 1 yr old and has been 5 days a week since she was 2. She loves it and is thriving! She shares really well, plays with kids really well, has lots of friends and doesn't struggle to get through the week. She loves nursery and gets so much from it. I do make sure to take breaks throughout the year so we go to Scotland for a week or away for a few days as a family to get some down time. I felt guilty to start but I don't now, she is happy and thriving and I enjoy working full time

I'm a single parent and DD went to nursery full time from 10 months and then at school she had wrap around care from 7.30-6pm every day. So from where I'm sitting you're doing really well!

The main thing is he loves it. He's thriving and happy. Don't beat yourself up. You have to do what you have to do.

There are benefits to being raised in a household with long term financial stability. Yes, you are making trade-offs, that can’t be denied, but those trade-offs will have demonstrated benefits for your son, not just downsides.

he also is in one place with an established routine which is going to be much better than stringing together assorted childcare.

Mine have all done a mix from 3 days - full time. All adults / nearly adults now and don’t remember any of it, but they were fine. If you can manage part time for a couple of years then go for it, but if he does 4 days equally it’s absolutely fine

We have done a mix of 3 and 4 days at various times with ours. Them loving nursery has never been an issue - they just do! What has been an issue was tiredness - 5 days could be quite exhausting for your DC so just keep an eye on that. Both me and DH worked from home so had a little bit of flex to make sure we picked up as early as we could (e.g. always by 5 and never leaving them there until past 6)? Do you have that flexibility? It depends on your career and sector but I actually find I have more flexibility working full time. Compressed hours can mean you're obliged to be at your desk v early or late, whereas I can do the school run sometimes and still be at my desk by 9am. When I take annual leave, I can also occasionally take a day where DC are in school/childcare 😁.

Yes agreed. Exactly my point. No need to pick on the rest of the message to pick a fight and distract from the same point we are making. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Use this time to invest in your career as u will regret it otherwise.

I wish we could have a supportive conversation about this without judging other parents. You don't know that OP will regret it, just because you did.

Most of my friends' kids are in full time nursery and are happy and thriving. My kid is in very part-time childcare and mostly at home with me. Also happy and thriving.

There isn't necessarily a "best" way. It's about what works for your, your family and your circumstances.

My DC were in full time childcare by the time they were 1 year old. I work full time, so does DH. I opted for a childminder before they were 3 and then opted for some nursery days too to get them used to a group setting. It’s worked really well, their childminder provides a fantastic homely setting and absolutely adores the kids and they’re happy with her. Not once (since the first couple of weeks) have either of them shed a tear or been reluctant to go to her. They both thrived at nursery too.