Would you expect your spouse to say something?

I'm on As side 🤷

They're not their grandparents, the SC have grandparents on their side to fill that role. I think it's nice of the grandparents to say that the SC can come if A&B pay for it, rather than just saying they'd like to keep it to their actual grandchildren only.

I can't see a reason for B to be offended tbh - the option is open for the SC to be included, they just need to pay for it.

I think B wants to find offence in the situation and is therefore not acting sensibly.

There is no logical reason why B should expect the grandparents to pay for unrelated children; but it is rational to look at it as if 2/3 (4 out of 6 people) of the holiday has been paid, so we have to find the additional 1/3.

Stepchildren presumably do ‘stuff’ with the other side of the family. Does A kick off that shared children are not included?

i guess it's a fact of blended family life? TBH i think it's a nice offer, at least they didn't say "only the A's children and the others can't come at all"

Which are you, OP?

Is it over-simplifying to see this as the grandparents giving money towards a family holiday? The GPs have broken it down as paying the costs for A, B and their shared children but in reality it's just a sum of money that will mean less overall has to be spent by A and B on taking the whole family away.

Do A and B like each other at all?

This depends on set up finances. If the family have joint family finances, surely the cost of the older children would come out of that?

But I thi k it's perfectly fine for A to go without B.

It's never going to be totally equal. Does B expect As other grandparents to buy presents? Thought not.

So it's never going to be equal.

Does B get annoyed if their oldest kids get more given as they have 2 households, grandparents AND step grandparents?

I agree with parent A…

this is also fine. SC have 2 sets of GPs too

A has also said if B doesn't want to go/can't afford to then A will go by themselves with joint children and B can stay home. A doesn't want children to miss out on a holiday with their grandparents.

Don't take the money if it's bothering you. It would be grubby to beg for more.

This is fine.

B should have considered things like this when bringing existing DC into a new family.

I disagree. I think it does make a difference to reframing it to the Op. And it's not that on its own that would change my opinion. Its all the details woven together.

There's many different set ups of blended families. But often where the step kids have good relationships with both parents they find themselves included In any activity on both sides.

My kids go on holiday every year with me and then with their dad. Me and dp don't have kids together, but if we did our joint kids would get less holidays. So if dps family wanted to treat mine and dps hypothetical kids to extra things I would be perfectly fine with it.

If this is the case in the Ops family, the parent who is annoyed can easily regrade it that their kids get extra things from their other biological family and that's all that's happening in this situation. Often makes it feel more equal.

But also if the step kids have no relationship their own parents and tbe couple have been together a long time and both consider all their kids as joint kids, I would want to know more about the dynamic as to why the grandparents don't consider them all the same.
A few of my cousins are step kids and the step parent has brought them up as their own. In our family it would be pretty shocking if they were treated differently. But I don't think it's always wrong, it depends on the situation.

It's not just about contact with the parent, it's about the whole set up and dynamics.

This.

Have you posted this before?

Well like on other threads B has to decide if this is new 'family rules' and be aware that they must decline anything from Bs family that is only for the B family DC should they not?

I think that's fine. Enjoy a cheaper holiday.

Bit different.

But go and get all angry on behalf of the first family as always

Not long ago there was a post on here calling a stepdad a CF because he asked for his child to be included in their stepmum’s birthday meal, paid for by her parents.

A lot of these women begrudge a child a plate of food and a Coke. Don’t expect much sympathy asking for SGP to pay for a holiday.

The grand parents are fine to offer this deal.

B is grabby.

I think their offer is reasonable. They’re still paying for 4 (?) people, so the family is getting a holiday for 6 (?) for the price of two. It might be better to think of it as the grandparents making a contribution towards a holiday for all of you. If the grandparents don’t really know the step children then I don’t know why they should be expected to foot the bill for a holiday for them.

No, your husband doesn’t have to bring up with his parents. It’s a generous gesture already, you need to pay for your teens if you want them to come with you.

If you can afford the cost of the step children coming too that's great everyone included if you can't the holiday should be declined for everyone because it's one thing to not pay for step siblings it's another to exclude them by default