Would you expect your spouse to say something?

I'd see it as a much cheaper holiday if the GPs are paying for AB and joint kids. They only have to pay for the SCs.

Better than no holiday.

Arc?!! That should be DC

I’d always prefer all the arc in a family to be treated equally, but the DGP clearly don’t see the need to do so here, so there’s not much you can do.

Option A - pay for the two older DC and have a great holiday - at least the DGP didn’t say they only wanted their bio DGC there. I would try to do this, but would make it clear that ice creams etc are bought for all or none.

Option B - if there’s no money to pay for the SDC, then politely decline. It could be very hard if the SDC do t get an equivalent trip with their birth family - especially if this is something like Disney.

No one should be bringing it up with them. They've made their offer and been clear what that includes. A & B need to decide whether to pay for the older DC, decline altogether if that's not affordable, or leave the older DC at home. Personally it would be a choice from the first two, as it would be very hypocritical to expect the parents to pay and not be prepared to stump up themselves. For what it's worth, I think the parents were wrong to specify who they were paying for as its almost making a point and i dislike that attitude in blended families. They could have just given a sum equivalent to 4 people towards the holiday for 6.

Step grandparents?

Do they holiday with their own grandparents?

It seems mean that A’s parents won’t pay for B’s children but it shouldn’t be down to whether B can afford to take the children, it should be down to A and B to pay for them. They all go or maybe A’s parents take the joint children but A should then not go.

And none of the children should know anything about this.

The Grandparents are under no obligation to pay for the step children to go on this holiday. Wrap it up any way you like, they are not their biological grandchildren, they aren’t as close to them and I bet the stepchildren who are now teens don’t even think twice about them and would groan at the suggestion of having to pay them a visit.

It's very awkward, but I can see both sides.

A lot depends on whether the children live predominantly with B or not. If they do and As parents see them on a regular basis, then it would be mean to exclude them, but they have included them but don't want to pay for them. Maybe this is because they don't want to, maybe this is because they can't afford to. Perhaps they should have said they would like to go away with all of you and could cover most of the costs, if you could pick up the rest. Same end result, but more inclusive.

But if the children spend less than 50% of their time with B and get treated by their own family (which I assume doesn't include the shared children) then this is a similar situation.

If B is annoyed, then maybe B should have made more of an effort with As parents. But also, maybe A should have stepped up and reminded their parents about the step childrens birthdays etc., and generally fostered a relationship. I am not part of a blended family, but it looks to require effort on all parties to make it work successfully.

So in this instance I would accept the A's parents offer to fund a large part of a family holiday and enjoy it and use it to strengthen family bonds all round.

I feel like a & b should pay together for b’s children here.

Every single day there's a thread about these sort of blended family set ups, the whole "fairness" thing - what a mess.

No OP, you cannot expect two people to be all over children who are not biologically related to them, who they do not have a relationship with, and when these children have proper grandparents to fill that role.

I seriously think people who go from relationship to relationship having babies need to read some of these threads and see that their tangled network of relationships, children, step children, half-siblings is more often than not a recipe for disaster.

I think it would be inappropriate to pay for step-children. You cannot impose step children on grandparents.

No. It would be totally inappropriate to ask them to pay for the step kids too. Either accept their gift or decline it

And no, I wouldn't expect my spouse to say something. If someone is offering you a gift then you shouldn't go back asking for more. It's rude. You either accept the gift as given or you decline.

If A wants to go with the children and B isn't happy, then A goes with the children and B stays at home with the others.

Dc B will have their own grandparents. I think this is totally reasonable for grandparents to want to treat their grandchildren. It’s nice if they can include step grandchildren but don’t turn a nice offer into something sour.

Why can't B pay for their kid's holiday? I don't think it is fair to expect grandparents to pay for children they have no relationship with, especially as they have other involved grandparents in the picture. I don't see why they expect the grandparents to pay when the parent doesn't want to pay themselves!

I think it's fair enough. Both sets of children have 2 sets of active families and grandparents etc. I'm sure you don't expect the grandparents of the step children to also treat the other children. If those grandparents offered to bring their grandchildren away on holiday would you expect them to bring the others too?

They are offering a lovely gesture and giving you the opportunity to bring the other children along. If you can't afford it perhaps ask the other parent and grandparents to contribute.

In families where there is no involvement from another mum or dad and the dc are being raised exclusively within a step family set up, I'd say it's nice if extended family respect the relationship of the step parent effectively being the 'real' parent and behaving accordingly.

But where there is an involved other mum/dad and extended family on that side, it's perfectly fine for step mum/dad to be just that and for extended family not to view step kids as the same as their own grandchildren/nephews/nieces.

In short, so long as the kids are all getting similar treats and treatment from their own families then they are all having an equal childhood, which is the ideal.

Agree. Why would they?

To me it also depends on what "come into money" means, inherited £50k is quite different to won £5 million on the lottery. If the latter level, missing out the step grandkids is mean, not so much the former based on the fact they don't have much of a relationship and they have a relationship with the blood relatives (a bit different when dc don't have a relationship with one parent and relatives)

What is A’s relationship like with the children.

If it’s a situation where the children live with you, parent A has a very close ‘parent’ type relationship then I think the parents are being unreasonable but if it’s more of a, they get on well stay over one night a week’ kind of thing then the in-laws aren’t being unreasonable. B should have tried to facilitate more of a relationship with the in-laws if they wanted their kids to be included.

I have step parents myself - one I have a ‘dad’ relationship with and would have always been included but I have less of a relationship with my ‘step-mum’ so haven’t really ever been included in her family.

I’m actually B in this situation though my in laws sadly haven’t offered any money for any holiday. But if they did, and we could afford to pay for the older kids to come too then we would. We would either all go though or not. My husband would actually be more likely to be upset than me about the older ones being excluded and he would refuse to go away without them and tell his parents that we just couldn’t afford to pay for the teenage share but thank you for the offer.
The teenagers grandparents would never be expected to pay for their grandchildren’s half-siblings holidays… so I can see why the in-laws would similarly feel like that. But my husband was actually really upset when his parents gave money one Xmas and told him it was £40 each for the bio kids and £20 each for his step kids. I had to speak to him about how it was okay and they didn’t mind and had other GP too as he is pretty much the sole provider for them in Dad terms I think he just forgot other people wouldn’t be like that too.
In the OP situation I’d be annoyed at A saying B could stay home and miss out though- it’s a family holiday so the family should be going. Or no one go.

Do the children of B live with A and B or with their other parent predominantly?

i think most posters are assuming B is the dad, and the step children live with their mum (C?) most of the time, with every other weekend with A&B. But if the step children mainly live with A&B, this becomes a lot less acceptable.

(also, is it Disney? It usually is)

I think as long as the money for the SC to join will come out of shared family finances, then that's fine.

If A is expecting B to stump up the money personally then I would feel very put out, but again with A rather than their parents.

Precisely. However, I'm puzzled by this:

A has also said if B doesn't want to go/can't afford to then A will go by themselves with joint children and B can stay home

Which is it - do you not want to go, or you want to but cannot afford it unless the grandparents pay for your children? If the latter, does your husband expect you to pay for the entirety of your children's costs out of your own funds? Would he rather you and his stepchildren miss out altogether?

Does he always see funding his stepchildren as entirely your responsibility? In which case you may have a problem, but it's impossible to determine without knowing details of your family's finances and dynamics.

[NB: I hate all this A and B stuff plus scant details - why not be succinct...]

It's all fine.
The offer of financial help and encouragement to share a holiday is appropriate, kind and generous.

I can't see why B would be annoyed at all.
His older children have four loving grandparents and also sensible step-grandparents who do not over shadow the real grandparents.
His younger children have four loving and generous grandparents who leave it up to A and B as to how best to include the older SC.