Would you expect your spouse to say something?

B should feel embarrassed to even think he could ask anyone else to cough up for his kids. How does he not feel like a money grabber??

This.

So, which are you, OP? A or B?

B’s children have their own set of grandparents, B can ask them to chip in.
imho it’s perfectly reasonable for grandparents to focus on their blood related grandchildren while still being kind to the others.

It's not treating the kids like shit to accept that in blended families, children have different relatives.

These dc do have their own set of grandparents that A's children don't have.

Eh?

How are they being made to seem like shit? They are being welcomed on the holiday that A's parents have arranged?

Or maybe B is ranting and raving at home in front of them. In which case B is being an arse and unnecessarily upsetting his(?) children.

B shouldn't have gotten involved with A in the first place. I bet this isn't the first time B's children have been made to feel like shit.

What's the point of it all?

God I feel sorry for stepchildren.

I really think all you see on here are people doing their best to minimise any relationship with them and treating them differently.

I think it’s unfair.

in our family, everyone is part of the family regardless of being technically a half or step or foster or by marriage etc. Everyone is treated the same and in this situation all kids in that family would be equal.

Definitely Team A. Unless the SDC live full time with A, why does A or her parents have to pay for them?

Those kids have 2 parents and presumably 2 sets of GP.

It's good that you have separate finances, A is smart and should go on the trip with her kids.

Yes, B should say something. B should say, if they want their kids to go, how do I go about paying for my own kids to go? Is it part of a package

I don't see why A is expected to treat her step dc equally to her own. Her step dc have 2 fully involved parents - neither of which is A! Her responsibility is to be kind and welcoming to her step dc but not to financially support them or refuse opportunities for her own dc because they come from her children's own relatives.

This is not a blended set up where A has agreed to take on step children as her own, or raised them from a very young age. This is a blended set up where step dc have their own other parent besides B and where A and B have separate finances.

I think A's parents are being very generous with their money in offering a fully paid for trip for their child, grandchildren AND B.

Additionally I think A's parents are being very generous with their leisure time in also welcoming B's children to holiday with them. A's parents could well have said 'actually we don't want to share our holiday with two teens who aren't related to us.' But they haven't.

B should be bloody grateful frankly.

<gavel>

Yes, that is a huge issue.

I wouldn't expect A to say anything to their parents but would expect the money for the stepDC to come from joint finances or for A to pay half. That seems fair, then everyone benefits from an almost free holiday.

If the stepDC wouldn't particularly enjoy the holiday or they would feel in any way spare parts then, if I was B, I'd spend the money doing a separate holiday and see it as a good opportunity to do that.

A and B have separate finances - why is B expecting more of their spouses parents than what happens within their own relationship?

Wow! This actually sums it up perfectly. If B knows A won't contribute to a holiday for the stepchildren why on earth would they think A's parents should?

Ask for a contribution to the holiday from the other (2 sets) of grandparents and parent, then everything fair. If B won't ask they're own parents to contribute it's unfair to ask A's parents to do so.

I do think the key thing here is that the gps don't even really know these kids well - they don't feel like grandparents to them and that's fair enough. It's different in families where the step dc have been raised as the child of the step parent, not in contact with own bio family etc.

I feel quite sorry for the gps - they can't do a nice thing for their own child and grandchildren, without some over entitled bugger making an issue of it!

A and B have separate finances - why is B expecting more of their spouses parents than what happens within their own relationship?

Is B also going to expect their older dc to inherit from step grandparents?

I think in general it's unfair to expect grandparents to pay to take children on holidays who they're not related not. Not close to and who have their own sets of grandparents who they have a relationship with.
Of course It would be lovely to offer but I'd feel very cheeky asking .

I don't see anything wrong with that scenario. If anything spouse B is a shit stirrer for wanting to meddle in A's parents gift. It is not for B to say in what the money should be spent on.
I am siding with A here. So B, if you are reading this, quit being a shit stirrer.

Are you going to tell us if you’re A or B, OP?

If you don’t, I’ll assume you’re B

If finances are separate then this should be no different.

B pays if they want their older DC to come.

A goes with joint DC’s and DGP’s if not.

In no instance would you ask the DGP’s for pay for the SDC

Blended families happen and the parents of the children should all treat them as equal but no where it says grandparents other family have too

I hate these situations.

I read on another thread yesterday someone said its not necessarily the issue at the time, its the fact that most blended families see themselves as one, where as a lot of the time, everyone else looks at them as 'blended families' and that's where it becomes a shock.

I can see this from both sides. I grew up with my dad having a wife, who was always lovely but her parents literally never took an interest in me. I met them when I was 9 and tbf, dad was a weekend Dad so I didn't spend much time with them. I was very much 'his' child and she was never my step mum or them my 'Grandparents'

I had a child before I met my now husband, who's never had any contact with her biological dad. My husband met her at the age of 2 and she's treated very equally among the rest of the children. We also have a child together. My MIL/FIL have recently taken us away for a weekend and paid for us all, not three of us. All 4 of us.

I can't imagine singling one ( or multiple ) children out on something like this.

I think the only thing you can do is accept the 'gift' as money towards a holiday for you all and put the rest yourselves between you and your husband, this way its not 'GP's have paid for X and Y and we've paid for A and B' ... GP's have just paid money towards the whole holiday.

I agree with parent A. Assuming grandparents are not millionaires then I think it's fine for them to only pay for joint DC, it's not like they're not inviting Step children at all and it's still a cheaper holiday if you're only paying for 2 kids.
Also this holiday might bring you all closer?