Do Italians hate the English or is it the language barrier?

There is this too

They don’t hate the English or anyone else.

Having been to Italy a lot and being from an Italian background, I would say they tend not to respect you if you don’t speak Italian (mine isn’t great but it’s something). They don’t accept the “everyone must now speak English” new normal, and quite reasonably (or at least it’s a POV) think people should speak a bit of the language of the country they are in.

They also try to run rings around tourists who don’t speak the language to make a bit money as that’s just the cultural norm.

• Having children really sweetens the way you are treated - there is definitely a more child-inclusive culture than here, so I have probably experienced much more friendliness than a couple with no kids would be.

Really!

I've never experienced that sort of treatment but I notice you say you've had...

Receipts 'thrown' at you.

Key's 'thrown' at you.

Menus 'thrown' at you.

Are you sure this is the case? Do you think it might just be your perception when the staff are just busy?

It's unusual if it keeps happening.

Hi OP, I read that you are autistic so I wonder if there is some social niceties which you are missing because you haven’t learned the ‘rules’ of social etiquette in Italy.

I don’t think I’ve been to Italy since Brexit, so unless that made the Italians suddenly hate us, I don’t think it is a lack of Italian spoken which is causing this rudeness, because I didn’t feel it targeted at me at all.

Here is my experience of Italy:

• Having children really sweetens the way you are treated - there is definitely a more child-inclusive culture than here, so I have probably experienced much more friendliness than a couple with no kids would be.
• The customer service is often rude - terrible. You often get the feeling employees resent their jobs and resent customers and can be overly proprietorial and brusk - prioritising their own needs over customers. I have often been aghast at how they’ll rudely usher customers out 5 minutes before closing time, or something like that, not allowing you to buy what’s in your basket, just so they can get off. There’s definitely none of that sense that ‘the customer is always right’. Once I heard the air hostess on the way home saying to a colleague “thank God we can get back to people have some manners!”.
• Restaurant owners really hate customers who see eating pasta as the main meal and clog up the tables taking ages over eating it. The pasta course is not supposed to be instead of the expensive meat and fish mains. It wouldn’t surprise me if Brits are the worst for doing this.
• Greetings in Italy are very warms and elaborate, if you are shown around by an Italian local they always treat staff with an almost flirtatious “Ciao” as though they are best friends. Maybe they take autistic social caution as coldness?
• The other thing that could be possible is this. German travellers are the ones who are most exacting and most likely to complain and to focus on the details, giving bad reviews (I think Americans come in second behind them). They are also likely to do things by the book and learn the language, etc. I get the sense that as a result of German complaints, standards are being slowly raised internationally by German tourists complaining. Service providers know from bitter experience that they should be on their best behaviour with German customers. My family and I were once taken for German tourists once and once the staff realised we were actually English, they immediately relaxed and looked so relieved. Maybe you could be mistaken for German tourists because of your appearance of a kind of methodical approach? I can imagine that poring over the menu in an overly methodical way, or examining the premises to see where you’d be most comfortable and quiet, could look as though you are being snooty and judgemental about their hospitality, on the look out for things to complain about? Just a thought.

It's true that there are xenophobes in all countries, but not true that everyone is xenophobic. It tends to be the less intelligent.

Been to Italy many many times and never experienced this. The only thing I can think of is maybe it’s you and you’ve been rude to them.

OP, this post stood out for me- that you're autistic and struggle with eye contact. If you're speaking to people in English and not making eye contact or smiling at them, to the locals you probably are coming across as quite rude and arrogant, unfortunately.

I would suggest you are eating in tourist traps where they know you wont be returning Italians generally are very friendly and never have an issue with Brits
I think you've just been unlucky

Never been to Italy but if I did go there and found people that rude, I certainly wouldn't be returning. Why are you contemplating going back and hand wringing about learning the language to appease some pissed off waiters? Go somewhere else where the people are nicer and your custom is welcome?

FWIW most Europeans in tourist areas speak some English as English tends to be the common denominator language that everyone speaks plus is widely taught in schools and is the language of social media. Like it or not.

Was going to say exactly that, you are looking for it so will see it.

I can’t imagine being white or slim makes much difference. I am neither and generally have great experiences in Italy (and have been there at least a dozen times in the last decade, have lost count).

I’ve been to Italy a few times and not found this. Historically in France I did, but ages ago…I got impression with rise of international tourists particularly Chinese, English is the common language and everyone accepts that. I can’t help wondering if you guys are being rude/weird in some way. Sitting before invited to for example? Beckoning waiters when they’ll get to you in their own time.

We stayed at a family-friendly hotel in Crete, with dd, Sil and baby Gdd, shortly before the Brexit vote. The hotel owner was seriously worried that a ‘leave’ vote would mean Brits - a lot of his guests were from the U.K. - wouldn’t come any more.

He said he found us generally so polite and ‘easy’!

We did hasten to reassure him!

TBH though, it wasn’t the sort of hotel where you get a lot of heavily tattooed blokes in singlets, bent on getting pissed for much of the day. (If that makes me a snob, so be it.)

Unlike a pp, we’ve always found the Greeks very pleasant and friendly - we have visited many times. We do both speak a little Greek, dh rather more than I do, but I doubt that it’s made any difference - they’re nearly always amazed that we speak any at all.

I've managed to get around Italy many times with just enough of the language to greet people and convey what I'd like.

Went to Rome, Sorrento, Amalfi coast recently
and didn't find this at all.

There is a lot of "throwing" going on in your post which makes me think, you are actually exaggerating and misinterpreting what is happening. I am not saying you are doing it for dramatic effect, it's just once you get an idea that people hate you, you start putting negative emphasis on every gesture.
Having said that, nobody likes Brits nowadays. You may have been polite and wearing nice clothes but there would have been millions of Brits visiting who behave appallingly. The stereotype sticks.
I have property in Spain and there is a massive drive to limit British tourism. Brits don't spend money like other European tourists, apparently.

I'm convinced there's not an English person alive over the age of 35 who doesn't know "dos cervezas por favor" for visiting Spain 😂

I was in Pisa a couple of weeks ago and everyone seemed incredibly friendly. We felt bad for not really speaking Italian much beyond the basics but literally everyone in shops/restaurants/tourist hot spots spoke English without hesitation. We obviously gave off British vibes haha. But yeah I found that language didn't seem to be an issue, like I said, most people voluntarily spoke English with us, there was never really a problem.

I think as with most places, you get rude people who are just rude, not because you've done anything wrong. We had a rude waiter one night but I didn't assume he hated us, just maybe his job!

It may be different because I'm Scottish (I've heard it makes a difference in France anyway haha) but I found the people in Italy lovely, very friendly- we stayed in a small village near Sorrento- travelled into Sorrento and also to Rome. We did have our daughter with us who was only 2 at the time and she got a lot of attention but honestly everywhere we went people were so lovely.

Apologies if this has been asked already OP:

• Are you white?
• Are you slim?

Have been to Italy quite a few times and never experienced anything remotely like you have, and only have a few phrases/ words of Italian (though not very accented as I'm European).

You mention money/change being handled abruptly, one thing in Italy is to always put money in the little tray or saucer on the shop counter. The change will also be put there too. It can be considered impolite (possibly unhygienic?) to put it directly into the hand of the shop assistant.

Although perhaps this is less of an issue now with contactless payments.

You're trying to find a way to blame yourself for the extremely poor/rude customer service you've experienced. You've just experienced rudeness and poor customer service. If I treated a non English speaking customer that way, it wouldn't be their fault, it would be mine. I wouldn't and don't though. Because I'm not rude and xenophobic

When I went to Paris when I was in my early 20s, I made sure I knew how to ask for a beer!