Do Italians hate the English or is it the language barrier?

I do think it’s a thing in Italy. An Italian friend got her English friend to order coffee and the staff gave a huge price. My friend tackled them and they apologised profusely saying they didn’t realise she was Italian.

In Sicily they are lovely.

I learnt French as we went on holiday there a few times. When we spoke (bad) French and make the children speak other people in shops would join and clap and say well done to the children.

Some places the staff would pretend we couldn’t understand a word we were saying 🤷🏼‍♀️

Sorry you're having this experience, it sounds like you're doing your best to be polite and respectful. I love Italy too and have visited many times, and I have an Italian partner/in-laws!

I don't speak much Italian but I can get through the initial phrases (good morning/evening, thank you, please, how are you etc). Maybe that helps. Communication is about a lot more than words, though, and non verbal communication does a lot. Being open in your body language, direct in your eye contact, warm and what to Brits feels quite effusive is standard body language in Italy so it's possible there is something going on there too, especially with your autism as you say.

Generally I find in all things in life that a sunny, confident attitude gets you the same back, there is no reason you can't charm people and make them enjoy your presence/company even with a language barrier. But that is easier for me to say/do as a neurotypical person.

Oh do they aye.

The German thing is regional. In some parts of Italy they learn German at school rather than English (Germany and Austria being just up the road). Or at least that used to be the case. Not surprising really- same reason we first learn French and not something more useful, like Spanish or Mandarin.

I spent a month going all over Italy and never encountered this. Everyone I encountered was really friendly, even in places like Naples. I did make an effort with the language though, and the person I was with spoke Italian pretty well, so maybe that's it.

Are you greeting them? Many countries find it extremely rude if you launch straight into business without exchanging a greeting. I think that's why some Brits find the French rude - from the French perspective they started it.

Our shitty education system is what the problem is. Our 🫠. Nearly every other country in Europe teach their children other languages from a young age. It's embarrassing 😳

I agree with @Justyouwaitandseeagain, my son lives in Italy so we visit regularly and he was saying that the Italians dislike being hurried when serving in restaurants. They particularly dislike tourists who sit down at the table and expect to be served immediately. They are much more laid back and do things at their pace! They don't understand the need to rush everything!

We've been to Lake Garda lots of times and never had this.

We've had lots of friendly service and banter/laughs with hospitality staff!

Are you making the effort to say hello/good evening/please and thank you in Italian?

And don't order cappuccino after 11am 😁

Had a similar experience once in Italy, op, so its not just you.

Mind you we were a group of 20 somethings so maybe they didn't like students.

Then a member of staff recognised somebody in the group and the place did a 180 - couldn't have been warmer & funnier

I agree, learn the language as much as you can (don't just rely in duolingo, get a phrase book & dictionary!), dress appropriately / make an effort to learn & recognise local customs

I was born in the UK, brought up in France and regularly travel to Singapore for work. I don’t think any complete race gates another. That said, the attitude of some might be reflected by their personal experiences. There is still a lot of “they don’t do it the same as home” attitude by visitors from the UK.

Alcohol (and l love a glass or 2 of wine) has often become a problem with Brits abroad and it can be reflected with local attitudes. Embrace the culture, when they are not busy(so not a waiter in a busy restaurant at dinner), maybe ask them questions about their town/language. Then l think you will find a different response.

Japanese isn't really a tonal language in the way that Chinese and others are. Japanese people are also very very polite by default and would never laugh at a "gaijin" having a bash at their language. DH lived there for 9 months, he spoke conversational Japanese but never tried reading or writing.

Why would you keep going back to a country where people are being rude to you? That is bizarre behaviour on your part when there are plenty of beautiful countries with pleasant and welcoming locals.

We went to Italy last summer and found everyone absolutely lovely despite us speaking very little Italian.
However, we were in a part where English tourists are not very common AND everyone thought we were German (but they were still nice once they found out we weren't)

We had a mixed experience in Livorno, one pizza takeaway who brought out all the Italian orders before mine (I was pregnant and tearful ) but all the other restaurants were so welcoming to our then-toddler and I got by with google translate and some basics.
I hate not speaking Italian so I need to learn some basics before we go next, too! I used to be good at languages before kids (fluent French, ok German/spanish, basic Russian) and now my memory is shocking for learning new things

😂Hopefully my obviously non-Japanese appearance will make them understanding of any linguistic mishaps!

If your DH is wearing shorts to restaurants in early May then yes some Italians will consider that too causal / stereotypically touristy. It's judgy, but they do.

Other than this, I have no idea why you have received poor service. I agree with you that you should keep making an effort to speak Italian.

That's cool, I'm nervous of tonal languages, so easy to ask your way to the bank and find you've insulted someone's mother instead. 😬

We are off to Italy in about 10 days. Reading this thread I am glad of my 86 day streak on Duolingo, even if I can only say "where is the station" and "my boyfriend can't sleep in this scary room".

I was just going to post that the only place we've ever received rude service in Italy is Lake Garda. Everyone seemed so grumpy, but it was August - extremely hot and absolutely heaving, so I thought that was a factor.

We have Italians in the family and visit every year and they don’t hate the English ~ nonsense. Have never been treated with anything other than warmth ~ we bond over food, wine and football.

I will say we were in Garda once with friends and one of the group was rather posh and arrogant and that went down very badly. I think they hate bad manners and being ordered about ~ they have a very strong sense of their own self worth. I’m not saying that’s you OP but in a busy restaurant you have to be realistic too especially if you’re in the tourist trail.

I’ve had much more perfunctory service in the UK!

Are you rushing service etc along rather than taking time for small talk / niceties? In my experience Italians are generally very laid back and place importance on greetings and niceties. It is common to order drinks first before food (even in England) but they might react badly if they feel you are hurrying them up rather than going along with a slower pace of service?