Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think he’s expecting sex on the first date

114 replies

CherryBlossom97 · 09/05/2024 23:36

What might not even be a proper date now I’m thinking about it. I’ve been speaking to this guy for a few weeks. I’ve known him a while but not seen him for probably about 10 years.. he has turned recent conversations quite sexual and now he’s saying things like ‘This needs to happen sooner rather than later’ and now he says he’s free any day next week if I am with wink emojis so I think he’s now got an expectation. What would you do?

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 10/05/2024 10:47

Is what he wants the same as what you want?
If not then tell him.

Trulyme · 10/05/2024 10:43

If you are looking for a date and for something to potentially develop, then this isn’t the man for you.

He is looking for just sex.
Potentially a ONS or FWBs.

If you’re just looking for sex and you fancy him then carry on and there’s not wrong with that but it sounds like you’re not and so I would just be honest with him about what you’re looking for and what you’re not looking for.

SOxon · 10/05/2024 10:37

besides which, I can guarantee it will be rushed, selfish, disappointing

NowThatYoureGone · 10/05/2024 10:37

Do you want sex with this guy?
It could be a one off.
It could become a fwb.
Or it could become a ltr/marriage.
Only you can know what should do.
Personally I have been in your shoes, met the guy and regretted it.

randomusernam · 10/05/2024 10:37

Midnightponderer · 09/05/2024 23:39

Ick.

Just what I thought!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 10/05/2024 10:37

I wouldn’t have any more to do with someone who used phrases like “it needs to happen sooner rather than later”. It doesn’t need to anything, that’s what he would like.

And all this about wanting sex straight away, and trying to get it guaranteed in advance of any kind of date, just no.

I would bin him without meeting him.

category12 · 10/05/2024 10:35

CherryBlossom97 · 10/05/2024 09:47

Thanks for replies. I’ve flirted a bit on the messages but nothing too sexual but he just tries to make the conversation sexual most times or he’ll just bring up that’s he wants it and that he wishes I was in his bed etc. even if we’re just texting normally tostart with

If you don't like what he's saying and the assumptions he's making, then why keep talking to him?

He's making it very clear he wants to fast-forward to the fucking, so if you're looking for something else, just bin him off.

MILTOBE · 10/05/2024 10:35

Oh come on, OP, he's so sleazy. Why are you even talking to him?

I would have thought if neither of you had seen each other in ten years, there would be a hope of romance there, rather than a quick shag.

He's insulting.

Miracleasap · 10/05/2024 10:33

Block immediately. So there's been no talk of going to a restaurant of a meet up of coffee? Run OP.

GingerPirate · 10/05/2024 10:31

Ugh.
Possibly my age, but I really couldn't be bothered with this 💩 anymore.
🤢

SpeakinginTongues · 10/05/2024 10:26

Peonies12 · 10/05/2024 10:20

What do you want? I slept with my DH the night we met, not even a date, been together 13 years. if you want to, go for it. If not, tell him

So did I. I slept with everyone I’ve dated immediately because I wanted to check for compatibility. BUT I wouldn’t have gone in a date with OR slept with, someone who managed to be this unattractive via text message.

Getonwitit · 10/05/2024 10:25

He just wants sex, he will disappear after you sleep with him.

Peonies12 · 10/05/2024 10:20

What do you want? I slept with my DH the night we met, not even a date, been together 13 years. if you want to, go for it. If not, tell him

Zonder · 10/05/2024 10:10

At least you know what he's looking for. You get to decide what happens now. Just don't go to the date in the hope of a relationship starting.

TypeFace · 10/05/2024 10:10

Tell him sorry but your Vagina has sealed up because your mind has more respect for your body .

KimberleyClark · 10/05/2024 10:09

Onetiredbeing · 10/05/2024 08:25

I would be repulsed. I have boundaries and someone who implies this or speaks in such an ick manner puts them in the bin for me.

Me too

Welovecrumpets · 10/05/2024 10:09

CherryBlossom97 · 10/05/2024 09:47

Thanks for replies. I’ve flirted a bit on the messages but nothing too sexual but he just tries to make the conversation sexual most times or he’ll just bring up that’s he wants it and that he wishes I was in his bed etc. even if we’re just texting normally tostart with

He’s looking for FWB that will leave you feeling used and pissed off with yourself for allowing it. Just tell him you can’t meet up anymore and fade him.

Noseybookworm · 10/05/2024 10:08

Yeah, he's just after a hook up. He probably doesn't see it as a 'date' he just wants a shag. If it's not for you, tell him you're not interested and move on.

SpeakinginTongues · 10/05/2024 10:07

CherryBlossom97 · 10/05/2024 09:47

Thanks for replies. I’ve flirted a bit on the messages but nothing too sexual but he just tries to make the conversation sexual most times or he’ll just bring up that’s he wants it and that he wishes I was in his bed etc. even if we’re just texting normally tostart with

Say ‘Hang on, X. Have you not understood that a first date involves me auditioning you to see if I want to have another conversation with you? Your sexual audition is several dates/weeks/whatever down the line if you pass the first one.’

DustyMaiden · 10/05/2024 10:05

@Tripeandonions
“does he only have a few days left on earth?”

only if his DW catches him.

Viviennemary · 10/05/2024 10:00

Just seen your last post. He is a sleazy creep of the first degree. Dont bother.

Viviennemary · 10/05/2024 09:59

If I wanted to see him I'd make it quite clear that you will be meeting for a coffee or maybe a drink in a wine bar or pub. But no going back to anybody's house. If you feel pressurised or threatened even before you meet him it isnt good. So trust your insticts and perhaps dont meet him at all. I'd probably meet him and keep him at arms length.

LaurieFairyCake · 10/05/2024 09:54

I'd say directly what I WANT

"I'm looking for a relationship and not quick sex, if you're not on the same page let me know"

Sunnyandsilly · 10/05/2024 09:52

CherryBlossom97 · 10/05/2024 09:47

Thanks for replies. I’ve flirted a bit on the messages but nothing too sexual but he just tries to make the conversation sexual most times or he’ll just bring up that’s he wants it and that he wishes I was in his bed etc. even if we’re just texting normally tostart with

Just bin him off, he’s just looking for someone who will shag him. For free.

Original poster
CherryBlossom97 · 10/05/2024 09:47

Thanks for replies. I’ve flirted a bit on the messages but nothing too sexual but he just tries to make the conversation sexual most times or he’ll just bring up that’s he wants it and that he wishes I was in his bed etc. even if we’re just texting normally tostart with

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread