Slim friend eats minuscule amounts and talks a lot about it

There are some people who it just isn't fun to go eating with (like there are some people who it isn't fun to go out drinking with ... and that probably has nothing to do with how much they drink).

I have a friend who has allergies, is quite abrupt/rude with waiting staff, and looks judgy and comments on how large a portion of chips may be. Outside of an eating situation - like hiking - she's a joy.

A friend who looks sulky if I'd rather order a starter than a pudding...we talked about that and that's fine.

But other friends who are skinny/fat and order what they want and we catch up and there's no judginess and it's fun to eat with them.

I cannot abide this competitive under-eating business some women do, I certainly don't want to eat with them as it takes all the pleasure away.
If you said anything I think it would be denied, just have non food based meet ups in future. Then at least you can keep an eye on her etc etc

'she also mentioned her petiteness several times' and OP, you later say that you noticed she had lost weight...was she expecting you to mention or comment or congratulate her on her weight loss do you think? And when you didn't say 'ooo XXX you've lost weight/you look amazing blah blah', she felt the need to bring it into the conversation several times?

Perhaps, for some reason, she was looking for validation and was hoping to get some comment from you about 'how well she had done'. (Some people can be like that, especially with weight loss)

If you didn't enjoy eating out with her, maybe give it a swerve next time and just suggest a catch up over coffee (or water in her case?).

No way could I be around someone like this.
Competitive undereating is irritating and makes you look like a twat.
I have a colleague who delights in saying she only has a digestive biscuit before work (and we work shifts so weird, long hours) then in the break if the queue is long for the cafe ‘I am ok, I have a satsuma in my bag’. While I am dead on my feet.

Anyone who comments on what someone else is eating is being rude, and anyone who talks about her own eating habits, other than in answer to a direct question, is being a bore.

That’s what I was thinking ! Or any of the mothers mentioned above !

There's nothing you can do to help. Just don't feed it, as in talk about it. Ignore her comments about food/not eating, and talk about other things. I wouldn't eat out with her either, arrange walks together or grabbing coffee.

Strange isn't it how posters are allowed to speculate about extreme thin people and their supposed earing disorders yet mention morbid obesity and anyone who states the obvious, like stop being such a greedy so and so, gets shut down immediately

When I had an eating disorder I wouldn't have eaten bread.

She sounds dull though going on about being petite. How do you shoe horn that in?

I'm laughing @WittiestUsernameEver and her Christmas steamed carrot.
I can't spend time with undereaters, it's too miserable. But I do love a good tomato salad.

Can she just eat the salad and not make a big deal of only ordering a salad though? It’s not about having to eat loads to keep the OP happy. It’s about not boring on about he dainty appetite.

You are a loss to the medical profession ; fuck 7 years of medical school,

Potty mouth, seriously? The faux indignation is quite amusing considering your post to me inclded this delight👆

There was no humour in your post at all. It wasn’t clever, it wasn’t funny and it wasn’t sarcastic.

Going off like a firework is also a bit rich after your massive overreaction. You do realise that quite a few other people have all said the same reaction to the friend’s need to discuss her dainty appetite and food shame the OP.

I’m sorry if you’ve made undereating your personality and recognise a few conversational titbits from your own repertoire in my post. Don’t feel personally attacked, I didn’t even know you existed.

I think it sounds suspiciously like an ED too. She sounds a bit like she’s put herself in a competition with you (and other women) that you haven’t knowingly entered into. Is her hair looking thin? Does her skin tone look less radiant than normal? If she was a good friend of mine I would check in on her, and ask questions about her life, etc, but not discuss food or eating. If she has an ED she will do anything to hide this. There could also be another underlying physical or mental health issue at play as well.

Well, she can order what she wants really, but it would annoy me if she was drawing attention to how little she was eating.

@Pieceofpurplesky
"I imagine her bowels to be on point"
😆😆

If you genuinely considered your ‘friend’ to have an eating disorder then you wouldn’t feel as annoyed as you do, it doesn’t sound like you care about her very much. She shouldn’t have to eat loads to keep you happy. Her company should be enough.

Something I've noticed about naturally slim/petite people is they never really bang on about it or how little they eat.

OTOH, those with eating disorders ......

Yeah itst shit eating out with people who, well, don't eat

Or the endless I'm so thin spiel

She sounds like a massive bore. Don't meet her for food again would be my advice.

That's a fine outlook to have and one I'm working on having myself.

And it's OK to show up to a meal out and not order much, for whatever reason. But the OP said that her friend went on about it, which a) is boring and b) can feel accusatory.

Oh god, she sounds like my MIL. Whenever we go out she eats like a bird, and has to go on about how much food we've eaten and what we have already eaten that day. She may proceed to talk about how much we ate for the rest of her visit. It takes all the joy out of eating out.

Eat to live rather than live to eat.

Exactly!

OP for me food is life - don’t bother going out to eat with the friend again!

With a small child and work I rarely eat out

This stood out to me, do you know if your friend eats out regularly?

When eating out has been a rarity for me, I found “I went to town” when I had the opportunity & made the most of it i.e. ordering multiple courses, sides & drinks because it was a one off & more of an “occasion”. On the flip side though, during the times in my life where I ate out regularly, I adapted to eating more in line with what I would on a normal day i.e. a salad & bread would have been a really good lunch option for me.

I’m wondering if it’s just a case of mismatched expectations.