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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I send this text? Or is it desperate?

463 replies

Sugarandmoresugar10 · 09/05/2024 22:09

I had a first date with someone yesterday after work, it's someone I've already met as a friend of a friend, and we've always got on very well/I felt chemistry.
The date was about 2 hours, a drink and very quick bite to eat. Conversation flowed super well, we had a good laugh. I wasn't sure if I felt attracted to him if I'm honest, but I have felt that attraction previously so I'm willing to give it a try.

So he made comments about wanting to do it again, I agreed, and I sent a casual, good to see you, hope you got back ok. The convo naturally ended .

Wondering if I should hint at meeting him again? There are a ton of films coming out that we were both talking about that are out this month.
Should I text something like 'It'd be cool to see one of those films we talked about soon'

So to imply I want to see him, but it still lets him arrange details?
Or is that chasing/desperate?
I'm pretty paranoid now tbh, but I'm also paranoid that he got a vibe I didn't find him that attractive, even if I do like him.

OP posts:
Toptops · 11/05/2024 20:46

Don't let him know you went on Mumsnet to ask

Toptops · 11/05/2024 20:45

Send the text. Take the initiative. It's 2024!

Matronic6 · 11/05/2024 20:38

Don't be disappointed OP. Sending the text would not have put him off. You have simply saved yourself a lot of time and a lot of wondering by cutting to the chase.

Austrocock · 11/05/2024 20:36

It's taken me years (I'm now late 40s) to get to the stage where I don't fuck around waiting for someone to text me or overthinking. If I like someone I text them and that's the end of it. It isn't always successful but it prevents me getting into a tizz and wasting precious time and energy on all the does he like me or not stuff. If someone doesn't like being asked by me and is put off by that then the whole thing is on a hiding to nothing.

Well done for asking him. Yes, it's disappointing, but now you know, so you can move on from it.

HappyMe6 · 11/05/2024 20:32

If I liked someone I’d be sending that text it’s hardly desperate you go girl

Monkeynoodles · 11/05/2024 20:32

Everyone commenting on this thread now and saying 'send it', can you not see the date this thread was created?

There's also a function on Mumsnet where you can read all OPs updates.

Monkeynoodles · 11/05/2024 20:31

Sugarandmoresugar10 · 11/05/2024 18:00

Yeah I'm now feeling like I messed up with the good to see you text :(

I'm sorry OP but are you a teenager?

You keep saying how you being nice or sending a polite text etc etc messed things up. As an adult, you would surely understand these sort of things shouldn't be messing 'budding off relationships' up?

Sparsely · 11/05/2024 20:30

I did exactly this 30 years ago ( well it was a phone call not a text). And yes, it worked out well for me. Very well. Go for it!

Jeannie88 · 11/05/2024 19:42

I don't see a problem with this at all. You will know one way or another by his response. He may well be thinking the same? Good luck! Xx

Mumoftwoandcats · 11/05/2024 19:41

If you want to see him again, send the text. Lot of nonsense waiting for the guy to make contact, that’s so old fashioned. As long as you’re not declaring undying love after 1st date, definitely make contact. Good luck!

DreamingofManderley · 11/05/2024 19:13

Sugarandmoresugar10 · 09/05/2024 22:11

You're right. I mean he seemed like he wanted to meet again, but apparently women should never ask men out in the early stages or even text first, from what I've read :(

Why shouldn’t a woman text first? I’d send it, you’re not asking him to marry you. Just giving him the option of going to the cinema if he wants to.

DiduAye · 11/05/2024 19:11

Send the text on Monday that doesn't look desperate

milley · 11/05/2024 18:56

Send it. Why not. We worry over trivia! Just do it🌈

Delatron · 11/05/2024 18:51

FinallyHere · 11/05/2024 18:33

He might not be telepathic, but if he doesn't bite in the first text, don't flog a dead donkey.

Exactly.

taylorswift1989 · 11/05/2024 18:45

It's not a hard and fast rule that I'd never text first or never ask someone out. But if I'm thinking 'should I or shouldn't I' that's a clear sign not to text. When you really like someone and it's mutual, there's an excitement about getting in touch and being in touch. You arrange the second date while you're still on the first date. You message 'shall we go and see a film' and they message, 'I was just about to ask you!' It's easy and natural.

Whereas sitting and stressing about whether or not a text will be well received, when you don't like the guy that much in the first place and the date was okay but no excitement to meet again - nope.

Dating can be a lot of fun, but not if you're stressing about whether they like you or not. I agree with pp - date multiple men at the same time, meet up quickly, and don't pursue them.

FinallyHere · 11/05/2024 18:33

He might not be telepathic, but if he doesn't bite in the first text, don't flog a dead donkey.

PotatoPudding · 11/05/2024 18:32

Hoglet70 · 09/05/2024 22:11

He's not telepathic, send the text.

Nail hits head.

newtoallthisshizzle · 11/05/2024 18:29

I’ve now read the full post and can see it was a no. Never mind, you know now. Good on you for going for it though. Next time/next one will be easier. Good luck x

newtoallthisshizzle · 11/05/2024 18:26

“Hey, you mentioned wanting to see the new xyz film with wotsisname in it. I’ve just seen that it’s on at the Roxy/Vue/picturehouse/wherever on Thursday and Friday. I was going to go see it; if you’re interested, we could maybe go together?”

Ilovecleaning · 11/05/2024 18:20

No. Definitely don’t text.

Whyamiherenow · 11/05/2024 18:17

My and DH similar. Knew each other as friends since we were 11. I text first. He arranged the first date. Similar sort of first date. I got home and text him about meeting up again soon. He took the hint. The rest as they say is history. Bite the bullet. Send the text.

Muddyevil82 · 11/05/2024 18:13

Apologies I didn't read all the updates, but at least you know where you stand. No harm no foul

Muddyevil82 · 11/05/2024 18:12

If I never made the first move I would never have met my hubby face to face, never mind marry him! I don't believe in all these 'dating rules' and I was even the one who proposed to my hubby (not on a leap year either).en aren't psychic, and who is to say he isn't having the same do I text her, don't I? Going on in his head. If he's interested he'll agree to meet, if not, at least you've tried and you know where you stand.

Delatron · 11/05/2024 18:09

I would just move on. Don’t overthink it.

Sugarandmoresugar10 · 11/05/2024 18:08

K37529 · 11/05/2024 18:06

If a man likes you he’s not going to be put off by you texting him to say it was good to see him, did he message you back after you sent that message? If not I wouldn’t have sent the second message. Also he hasn’t said no he maybe is genuinely busy and needs to check work schedule or something, who knows, try not to feel bad anyways plenty more out there

Thank you, yes he did message back right away saying the same, but I guess it was just friendly not flirty, and at that point I should've got the hint.

OP posts:
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