Should I send this text? Or is it desperate?

OP, having read all your posts...don't worry, you didn't put him off. Just sending a text wouldn't have put him off - if he liked you he would have been pleased.

I dated in my 30s and God, so many crap, avoidant English men. Then I found a guy who was just straightforward. I messaged him first (online dating), I suggested meeting up. He kissed me at the end of the first date. I think I messaged him the next day, he messaged me back....it was SO EASY.

Honestly, these men exist. You did NOTHING WRONG. Just keep being your normal, straightforward self. Don't play games and you'll find someone else who doesn't play games. It'll happen!

@Sugarandmoresugar10
I really don't think its as simple as you initiated a text therefore he knew you were interested and that's boring!
Some men really enjoy knowing that a woman is interested and attracted to them.
Some obviously don't.
So don't worry about this one, it didn't work out but I doubt that is a reflection of your singular text!
I do agree with others that you sound quite anxious about the whole thing. Try to relax and not overanalyse every interaction you have with potential partners in the future. It probably doesn't come across as very natural. I do understand though, as I have quite severe social anxiety at times so I know the over thinking is hard to get out of.
But bizarrely I rarely had it with men. Mainly because I had such shit experiences with them in my youth that I couldn't be bothered with any uncertainty in future relationships.
Which led me to my husband who found it absolutely delightful that I was honest about being attracted to him and wanting to spend time together as he'd had experiences with women who would wait at least twice as long to reply to a text as he did so as not to seem to keen and he hated the games.
When he suggested we move to another city together after only dating 6 months I sat him down to talk about our desires for the future including marriage, kids, country (we met abroad), as I was honest that I didn't see it being worth committing to the relationship further by moving somewhere together if we didn't feel we had a similar vision for the future.
We've moved countries together, been married 7 years and are planning our second child.
There is basically zero mystery in our relationship or traditional tv style romance. But we love each other and are happy.

Agree the advice is rubbish, but it's not the sort of thing Matthew Hussey ever says! He doesn't propound any 'Mars and Venus theory'.

OP, Matthew Hussey is actually a really sound coach on how to date and how to deal with these specific types of situations. He advocates for boundaries and authenticity. Have personally found his advice really helpful in dating.

Agreed. This is the sort of rubbish trotted out by dating coaches like Matthew Hussey who propounds the Mars and Venus theory.

That’s not a nice thing to call someone who is asking for advice, especially if they’re shy or only just entering the dating game. It’s like learning to drive - when you start off you’re anxious and you have an instructor to help. The more you drive, the more comfortable you get. The more you date, the more comfortable to get. Nobody likes rejection and it’s natural to feel anxious and doubt yourself. That doesn’t mean the guy has dodged a bullet; it also doesn’t mean she’s obsessive. If anything, I’d worry that people will see this poster’s weakness and take advantage of it.

I hope you send the text, my partner has never “chased women or made the first move” if I hadn’t made the first move 11 years ago then who knows what would have happened.

so long as you don’t come across needy or desperate for too much too soon, if he’s put off by you being a grown woman and basically saying “I like you, can I see you again” then he’s not for you, best to know sooner

Why are you so sure it was a no all together just because he couldn’t do when you suggested?!

Why on earth would anyone want to be with someone who saw them as a 'challenge' to be overcome?! Grim. I can guarantee that men who think like that don't want a relationship, they want a shag.

If someone likes you, actually likes you, not the 'challenge' you present, they will be delighted at you suggesting to meet up. If someone isn't delighted, then it's because they are just not that in to you. Raise your standards and look for the men who will be delighted to hear from you. Put out of your mind the ones who aren't, they're not good enough.

No - he just wasn't interested after the date - sending or not sending the text has no effect! Any man who is truly interested would not be put off by the woman initiating the next date!

I'd focus on being glad he has been straight up with you and hasn't strung you along like loads of blokes would as a "friends with benefit" scenario. I've lost years to "situationships" like that some which were a head melting waste of time!!

Gosh, this level of overthinking bordering in obsession and they are not even a couple yet!
Looks like this guy dodged a bullet.

Nor me.

If you want to see him again, ask him out. I'm not sure I would want to go out with someone who was put off by my asking.

It sounds like you've read for too many dating books.

Look OP, if he fancied you, your eagerness would have been a turn on. He'd be all over it wanting to snog in the back of a cinema.

He obviously likes you as a person but doesn't want to pursue it romantically, that's it, nothing more to it. Absolutely normal and common. It's nothing to do with your text or a fly away comment about owing a drink. You're reading wayyyy to much into it.

A good relationship doesn't start with anxiety and game playing. Worrying over what text you send. A good relationship is easy. You get along, you both want it to develop, you're compatible in your wants and communication style. You don't need to worry about it, it's all flowing well. Hold out for that, OP, the relationship will be much more genuine and meaningful.

Pages and pages of women telling you that he wasn't interested and you sending the text or not sending it wouldn't have changed that. He simply wasn't feeling it.

@Sugarandmoresugar10 if this helps you at all (because I feel like you’re thinking there’s something fundamentally wrong with YOU as a person which caused him to not want a second date, but there isn’t) People choose not to pursue a date for a myriad of reasons, and ultimately that reason is their issue, we can’t control what other people value or how others behave, it does not detract from your value at all.

Hell, some people can go about thinking they want to be liked and want a relationship, but they are so psychologically damaged that the mere hint their interest is reciprocated puts them off because they have such a low opinion of themselves that they believe that no normal person could possibly like them.

He could be getting over an ex, he could have thought you were too good for him. There are literally hundreds of possibilities, none of which are indicative of your worthiness, he just didn’t appreciate it at the time and maybe one day he will realise when it’s too late!

You need to work on your self esteem though because I get the impression that you were more concerned about him liking you than you liking him because you needed that external validation. It’s really not about you, you don’t need another person’s approval to be worthy. You’ll meet someone one day.

are you serious? if someone has that attitude they are not worth it at all

also if he was genuinely interested, he would have jumped at you asking him to go see a movie. when there is a real connection the communication just works

she did. Several hours ago 😂

Send the text. Life is too short. Let us know how it goes 😊

I could have predicted this from the opening text. And I’ve been there too so it’s not criticizing…. But its not just that you sent a text but your whole energy.. it feels way too intense. You shouldn’t be this anxious. Work on your self esteem and pick folk who pick you. I believe in equality but also masculine and feminine energy. And chasing is more masculine.

But attachment styles are also an important factor.. you might be slightly anxious in your style and you might be picking avoidant types. A great book is on this is called attached - it will help you recognise secure and similar people.
Good luck!

Is this a joke?

Do not call him. (I’m sure you won’t but still).

Who told you that nonsense?!
No one wants to be nagged, but one text saying ‘oh just seen an advert for that film we were talking about, shall we go?’
then leave it, don’t text again till he responds…. That’s just the art of conversation….. chasing would be texting him 3 times without having a response.

This texting can be dangerous. Make sure he actually ment it the way it arrived at you. Maybe he really has no time because he has a lot of stuff going on.
Call him now to find out, try to keep him on the phone as long as possible . As it would be a date on the phone.

That makes no sense at all.

Maybe he says no, because he thinks she only text him because she
Doesn't like to go to the cinema alone.

Seriously??