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Original poster

Should I send this text? Or is it desperate?

463 replies

Sugarandmoresugar10 · 09/05/2024 22:09

I had a first date with someone yesterday after work, it's someone I've already met as a friend of a friend, and we've always got on very well/I felt chemistry.
The date was about 2 hours, a drink and very quick bite to eat. Conversation flowed super well, we had a good laugh. I wasn't sure if I felt attracted to him if I'm honest, but I have felt that attraction previously so I'm willing to give it a try.

So he made comments about wanting to do it again, I agreed, and I sent a casual, good to see you, hope you got back ok. The convo naturally ended .

Wondering if I should hint at meeting him again? There are a ton of films coming out that we were both talking about that are out this month.
Should I text something like 'It'd be cool to see one of those films we talked about soon'

So to imply I want to see him, but it still lets him arrange details?
Or is that chasing/desperate?
I'm pretty paranoid now tbh, but I'm also paranoid that he got a vibe I didn't find him that attractive, even if I do like him.

OP posts:
SleepPrettyDarling · 09/05/2024 22:34

I’d be fairly direct with a question and a suggestion. ‘Would you like to meet again? We could catch a film.’

If he says no, then you know. If he says yes, then suggest a or b. ‘We could see X on Sunday, or Y next weekend.’

countbackfromten · 09/05/2024 22:33

Send the text. If a man is that insecure that he is put off by a woman initiating a date then he isn’t worth your time and effort!!

Original poster
Sugarandmoresugar10 · 09/05/2024 22:31

MistyGreenAndBlue · 09/05/2024 22:31

Suggesting you see a film to a bloke who's already made noises about seeing you again is NOT "chasing".
Tch. These young people today. I dunno. 😂🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

🤣

OP posts:
ItsSerious · 09/05/2024 22:31

Start as you mean to go on. If you want clear, direct communication in a relationship, don't start with games. Communicate honestly and openly and the relationship will be so much less scary and painful.

Original poster
Sugarandmoresugar10 · 09/05/2024 22:31

Yea good point, is it different because we already know each other?

OP posts:
Universalsnail · 09/05/2024 22:31

Why not be more direct and just ask him if he wants to go somewhere on an actual date? Instead of just "would be nice to go out again"

MistyGreenAndBlue · 09/05/2024 22:31

Sugarandmoresugar10 · 09/05/2024 22:24

I don't mind if he's not interested in general, I just mind if he's not interested because I chased, if that makes sense.

Suggesting you see a film to a bloke who's already made noises about seeing you again is NOT "chasing".
Tch. These young people today. I dunno. 😂🤷‍♀️

Ace56 · 09/05/2024 22:30

I think you should text, but only because he’s someone you already know/have met before/already have a bit of a relationship with. Now it needs to get to the next stage so either one of you needs to get it there. He might be feeling a bit unsure about how to do so or doesn’t want to rock the boat!

If you’d met him online and this was the first time you’d met in person, I would’ve said he needs to text first, otherwise he’s not that interested.

Original poster
Sugarandmoresugar10 · 09/05/2024 22:30

It's just weird how it'd be seen as desperate if I sent that, but not as desperate if he sent it?

OP posts:
BronteH · 09/05/2024 22:30

If he likes you, he will text you. Men are quite simple straight forward that way. They also get scared by anything they see as desperation. Even though that’s not what it is.

SanFranBear · 09/05/2024 22:29

Oh, and last time I did that, the man was significantly younger (30s whereas I'm mid 40s) and said it was refreshing not to be played with! It didn't work out but it made everything easier and comfortable!

SanFranBear · 09/05/2024 22:26

I'm to old to beat around the bushes these days and I've found being open and honest pays dividends. If you like him, find him attractive and want to see him again, tell him that! You'll soon know where you stand.

LeaveTheClocksAlone · 09/05/2024 22:26

sunflowrsngunpowdr · 09/05/2024 22:23

I wouldn't text. If he wants you he will come to you. If you text and he doesn't respond then you lose power and will feel like shit. Don't do it is my advice.

👆

TheChosenTwo · 09/05/2024 22:24

Send the text. What have you got to lose?
You send it, he does want to see the film with you, you go together.
You send it, he doesn’t want to see the film with you, you don’t go, you don’t see him again. No harm done and you know where you stand.

Original poster
Sugarandmoresugar10 · 09/05/2024 22:24

I don't mind if he's not interested in general, I just mind if he's not interested because I chased, if that makes sense.

OP posts:
sunflowrsngunpowdr · 09/05/2024 22:23

I wouldn't text. If he wants you he will come to you. If you text and he doesn't respond then you lose power and will feel like shit. Don't do it is my advice.

CrazyTrain5 · 09/05/2024 22:23

I’d have to send the text rather than forever waiting, life’s too short.

LightSpeeds · 09/05/2024 22:21

Sugarandmoresugar10 · 09/05/2024 22:14

Thank you. There's just so much on here about men loving the chase, and I'm scared this is making it too easy.

Any man that's playing 'games' isn't worth bothering about.

Fargo79 · 09/05/2024 22:20

Life's too short for game playing. Obviously nobody wants to appear desperate or chase someone who isn't interested, but if you can't say "I had a great time last night. Let me know if you fancy catching a film soon, there are a few coming out that look really good" without fear of him being scared off or feeling like you've lost some kind of power in the dynamic, he's not the one. I wouldn't want a relationship with someone that featured that kind of silliness and immaturity.

MistyGreenAndBlue · 09/05/2024 22:19

Hoglet70 · 09/05/2024 22:12

Bollocks. I wouldn't be married now if that were true!

Haha me neither

Fiery30 · 09/05/2024 22:17

Sugarandmoresugar10 · 09/05/2024 22:11

You're right. I mean he seemed like he wanted to meet again, but apparently women should never ask men out in the early stages or even text first, from what I've read :(

Show quote history

That is a rubbish and stupid stereotype. If you like someone and want to see them again, just ask him clearly, without beating around the bush. He could be equally nervous too. Just go for it.

Original poster
Sugarandmoresugar10 · 09/05/2024 22:17

I admit I was fully expecting everyone to tell me not to send anything 🤣

OP posts:
BusyMintCrab · 09/05/2024 22:16

It’s 2024 - if you want to see him again, tell him!

If he doesn’t reciprocate, too bad, on to the next one.

YoureALizardHarry11 · 09/05/2024 22:15

Sugarandmoresugar10 · 09/05/2024 22:12

How come? Just out of interest. Do you think it'll put him off ?

Show quote history

No, not necessarily. I think it’s personal to each person what puts them off and what doesn’t. In my experience though if a man’s interested you’ll know. I know it’s social conditioning and not necessarily fair, but if he’s keen he will message you. Give it some time and see x

FlabMonsterIsDietingAgain · 09/05/2024 22:15

The people who make dating rules, are the people who go on lots of dates. They go on lots of dates because they're not in a relationship. If you want a relationship be who you are and do what feels right to you, if he likes you for you that's good.

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