Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I send this text? Or is it desperate?

463 replies

Sugarandmoresugar10 · 09/05/2024 22:09

I had a first date with someone yesterday after work, it's someone I've already met as a friend of a friend, and we've always got on very well/I felt chemistry.
The date was about 2 hours, a drink and very quick bite to eat. Conversation flowed super well, we had a good laugh. I wasn't sure if I felt attracted to him if I'm honest, but I have felt that attraction previously so I'm willing to give it a try.

So he made comments about wanting to do it again, I agreed, and I sent a casual, good to see you, hope you got back ok. The convo naturally ended .

Wondering if I should hint at meeting him again? There are a ton of films coming out that we were both talking about that are out this month.
Should I text something like 'It'd be cool to see one of those films we talked about soon'

So to imply I want to see him, but it still lets him arrange details?
Or is that chasing/desperate?
I'm pretty paranoid now tbh, but I'm also paranoid that he got a vibe I didn't find him that attractive, even if I do like him.

OP posts:
Theredjellybean · 09/05/2024 23:14

If you are worried he is getting "friend" zone vibes from you then send a clear text saying " I'd like to see you again, what about seeing 'insert film' next week together ".

He will pick up , you remembered the films you both talked about...and I think if he is wondering also what the situation maybe..this is a clear date offer

FinallyHere · 09/05/2024 23:08

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Original poster
Sugarandmoresugar10 · 09/05/2024 23:05

I just feel he won't value me as much because he'll see I like him and hasn't had to work as such for me. I know that sounds grim .

OP posts:
Zonder · 09/05/2024 23:03

You're really overthinking this and turning it into a game, instead of two people getting to know each other better
Whatever book you're reading giving you this view needs binning.

Original poster
Sugarandmoresugar10 · 09/05/2024 22:59

Yes he replied and we had a general chat and said we'd meet up again soon.
But I'm a bit paranoid that he thinks I'm not attracted to him, which is partly my motivation for sending this text too.

OP posts:
Teabelly71 · 09/05/2024 22:58

Just out of interest - did he reply when you texted that you’d had a nice evening? Has he texted you since the date?

re the next date - go for it and ask him. I did with my partner, we’ve been together for nine years now. He would have waited but I think life is too short lol! I liked him, I wanted to see him again. Maybe it’s because I’m older and this is a relationship after a failed 20 year marriage? I just didn’t want to play games and my communication with my partner from the start has been honest and direct. It’s exhausting playing those mind games, and nobody is a mind reader. If he doesn’t want to go, then at least you know where you stand.

Original poster
Sugarandmoresugar10 · 09/05/2024 22:55

Alright let's suppose I send it tomorrow, would it be ok for me to say 'one day after Tuesday?' like I think saying 'tomorrow' is very short notice, but saying I'm busy the next few days is better maybe?

OP posts:
LauderSyme · 09/05/2024 22:52

'The chase' makes it sound like men are hunters and women are prey 😕

I don't think it would be desperate to suggest meeting up again. I'd leave it a while longer though, personally.

ACynicalDad · 09/05/2024 22:50

Don't play games. Yes he may work harder or he may take it at face value and never contact you again when you would have liked him to, make it clear one way or the other. I would hope that as consent and stuff becomes a bigger and bigger thing, a decent man would take the hint if you're not interested, so don't tell him you aren't if you are.

HawkersEast · 09/05/2024 22:45

Don't play games, if you like him just text him. It's really simple. If he responds and reciprocates great. If he doesn't, at least you know, without having to worry/stress over it.

MariaVT65 · 09/05/2024 22:44

It’s late now anyway. So wait until tomorrow.

TokyoSushi · 09/05/2024 22:43

Send the text, but if nothing comes of it, do NOT send any more! Grin

WhyArePiratesCalledPiratessss · 09/05/2024 22:42

Don't do it.
In my experience, if you have to ask then they aren't that interested.
Hiding to nothing.

Original poster
Sugarandmoresugar10 · 09/05/2024 22:42

Btw, if he says no, for me that means no. I won't be asking again.
But apparently if a woman says no, that's attractive to men and will make them work harder? :/

OP posts:
YoureALizardHarry11 · 09/05/2024 22:41

Sasqwatch · 09/05/2024 22:36

Thankfully it’s not the 1950’s 🙄

Show quote history

It’s nothing to do with him being put off or not if she does, it’s personal choice, and in my experience, if a man’s interested you bloody well know about it. I don’t know why you felt the need to eye roll at me 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Original poster
Sugarandmoresugar10 · 09/05/2024 22:41

We were talking every day prior to the first meet up, not sure if that makes any difference?
True, though I worry most men would be like this :(

OP posts:
StormingNorman · 09/05/2024 22:41

Hi X, That film we spoke about is coming out next week. Do you fancy going?

I’m not a natural chaser so I’d keep it light.

Planesmistakenforstars · 09/05/2024 22:40

Why would you want to date someone who would be put off by you asking to see a film with him?

MariaVT65 · 09/05/2024 22:40

Text him if you want but I wouldn’t immediately if your date was only yesterday. You may not be into the ‘texting every day’ territory yet.

Text him but give it a couple of days.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 09/05/2024 22:39

I'd definitely text him.
I think it's easier as you already know him, so you wouldn't appear desperate at all
Something like.. " I've just had a look at the cinema listings and I'd quite like to see( whatever). Would you like to come with me?"

Crankyaboutfood · 09/05/2024 22:36

i don’t know, you texted him once already. When you did he answered? If so then your text if fine. Otherwise I would wait

Sasqwatch · 09/05/2024 22:36

YoureALizardHarry11 · 09/05/2024 22:11

I personally wouldn’t. If he’s interested he will contact you I think.

Thankfully it’s not the 1950’s 🙄

BirthdayRainbow · 09/05/2024 22:35

It would be cool... would put me off.

x film is on on Tuesday at seven. Would you like to go with me? Is far more grown up a direct.

countbackfromten · 09/05/2024 22:34

One of the things that made me fall for my partner really quickly was just how open and honest we could be, even after the first date. It was a great start and refreshing after so many years of terrible dates and second guessing myself!

Iloveshihtzus · 09/05/2024 22:34

Just text him and ask him on a date to see the movie you want to see. Don’t go with ‘it would be nice to see a movie’. Be direct but pleasant - men hate games.
I made the first move with DH, we’ve been married 24 years!

Swipe left for the next trending thread