Should I send this text? Or is it desperate?

If a guy hasn't got the interest/initiative/impetus to set up a date off his own bat, then how will he deal with initiating anything in the future?

Passive man never change.

They expect you to organise everything.

" but apparently women should never ask men out in the early stages or even text first, from what I've read :("

That's absolute rubbish - why ever not?

I rang my now-DH the day after our first very drunken get together, and here we are 23 years and 2 kids later.....

I wouldn’t have sent a thing. If a man is interested, he’ll do the chasing.

It’s this bullshit that ends in a #metoo movement.

I asked my husband out on almost every date, because that’s what I wanted so I communicated that to him. I have no doubt that he loves me as much as (and maybe more) than I do him.

I wouldn’t want to be with someone who wants games and chasing and cryptic communications and so if he wasn’t into my communication style then I wasn’t into him.

In your shoes, I’d say “it’d be great to see X movie together. Shall we try and get something in the diary?”

Me woman you man, you have to pursue little me.

OP, I wonder if he's sitting at home thinking 'I really like her and I'd like to see her over the weekend, but she'll probably think I'm desperate if I contact her within a week, so I'll just let it go...' I imagine a lot of relationships fall apart because people think there are rules and women are told to be cool and let men do the asking. Sod that. Stop playing mind games.

Send a text saying 'I want to see XXXXX on Sunday do you want to come?' If he says he can't make Sunday but could do Tuesday, do Tuesday. If he says he can't make Sunday and leaves it there, you say 'I could do Tuesday if that's easier for you'. Value yourself as someone it would be good to go and see a film with. If he says no and doesn't set up another date, you'll have your answer — he's just not that into you. Nothing will have been broken or ruined, you'll just know where you stand.

I'd give it a week, then send it.

It's not a male/female stereotypes thing, it's an economic thing. The (apparently) scarcer the commodity, the more desirable it becomes!

Really? I’ve asked men out on several occasions (albeit some time ago). I would leave it a couple more days then send a lighthearted text with a movie suggestion.

This is derailing OPs thread so please feel free to bring your comments to the other thread. I've already explained why I would question the MN stats. It would be strange not to question stats.

Same!

Dear lord some of these views!

OP I am nearly 40 and have had three proper relationships in my life, including current DH. In all three cases I did the initial asking out and in all three cases they were mega flattered and happy about it (I was already pretty sure they liked me at that point!).

Just for avoidance of doubt those are the only three guys I've asked out! I'm not some predator going around asking out every half decent looking man I come across 😆

Forget the outdated stereotypes and go for it!. Good luck 😊

I would send the message. Your response after the date was very friend zoney, he probably suspects you don't fancy him. I agree in principle generally men should do more of the chasing, but they don't want to go out with someone who doesn't want to go out with them.

NB if your post date text had been more enthusiastic I would have said to leave it.

I personally think you should hold off messaging him. If a man is interested in you, you would know about it and not be questioning it.

*body = post!

I'm not sure why you're bothering, you said in your first body that you weren't sure if you were attracted to him. I'd be pissed off if a guy chased me for dates only to admit further down the line that he was never attracted to me.

if you've been messaging daily anyway it would be out of the norm not to, if there's a film out you discussed seeing check the times and ask him. Stop playing games, he will not think you're desperate.

The worst that can happen is he ghosts you/says no. Presumably you're in the early stages of getting to know one another, so it would make sense to know sooner rather than later whether you're wasting your time. The type of guy who's put off by a girl he likes asking her out is emotionally immature and not long term relationship material imo. He's more likely to fuck about in relationships.

So many things don’t go anywhere because of hesitation of both parties. There is nothing to lose, just send the thing and suggest a few possible dates when you are available.

I agree.

Personally, I wouldn't chase a man.

Let him do the 'heavy lifting'.

If he's interested and genuine he'll be pleased you suggested something. If he's not interested, he'll tell you/fob you off, and at least you'll know. If he is interested only if you play silly games and pretend not to be, or because you're a challenge, he'll be put off, and that's a good thing, as why would you want a man like that?

I don't get this. You've already messaged afterwards so the ball's in his court now. You'd seem desperate to me.

Do you know much about reading data, particularly about questioning how robust the "evidence" is?

Dense is an interesting word to throw about.