Should I send this text? Or is it desperate?

Please read the full thread!! It’s been two weeks since OP started the thread, sent a text and got a reply.

In your last text exchange if you were the last person to text then no, I wouldn’t be texting first.

I think we moved on over a week ago, the OP messaged the guy and got back to us to say he said no (not in so many words though).

Send the text. Fear is temporary, regret is permanent. Send a light non committal text asking if he'd like to see a movie. It's not the 1600's. Women can show they're interested without being cast as desperate or a slut. If he's not interested he just won't reply. If he is he'll be thrilled that you are too. Texting takes so much pressure off. Just do it.

Totally agree with this too.

Totally agree with this 100 per cent.

If a man is interested they will contact you. End of.

Also 'anything you chase in life runs away'.

Don't send it.

From my experience the environment you are in, when you meet someone you don't know for long, can have a crucial influence on the outcome.

I thought about going but was too lacy. However, I am sure I would have end up with a pint in the corner for two hours and no progress.

But you are right, I also could have called her the next day and ask if she has any plans yet, but because it was a "maybe" situation form both of us, I would not made an alternative offer straight away, because it would have made it to obvious.

However, like someone said earlier, it is not a good idea to overanalyse things; better to do what feels right.

Well exactly ‘would you like to go see live music?’

’No it’s not my thing but fancy drinks and dinner instead?’

Rather than a hard ‘no’! That means you don’t want to see her!

My experience has been that if guys don’t enjoy a particular activity but want to see you again, they generally come up with an alternative to do like dinner before/drink after etc

Fair enough, but expect to be treated like that (curt and brusk) then yourself also.

She was a maybe. Simple as that.

Fair enough. But, what was the context? Is this 'lady' (we're women fyi) a friend or someone you are dating, or someone trying to date you? If a friend, male or female, asked me to do something socially that I wasn't interested in then I'd do as you have done. If it was a man I fancied I would still say no but suggest that we did something different.

@XyzMan if you were really interested you would have gone anyway. Sorry to say you sound quite passive, maybe that's why you're on mumsnet. The men I like (and who like me) would have come to whatever I had suggested because they were interested in me. But hey,do whatever you want

Well, the other day I had a lady and asked

If I would like to go to a pub with life music on Friday night. And I said no because I just don't like live music.

Did he actually text now something, which definitely means he is not interested?

Finished ?

So many people responded to this, I "lost the needle in the haystack".

What did he say ?

That is why I don't like chasing. I guess some man may do it only to please their own ego. So it is not about her.

No means No and fine !

I don’t think him being suddenly busy has anything to do with you texting him!

IF he was into you he’d have said yes let’s do it, and set a date, he didn’t…. So I just think the date was nice but he’s friend zoned you!

Don’t read anymore into it than that.

Despite what people may say, men want women to be a bit keen, it’s flattering, just not overly keen…. For example if you left the date and text him 10 minutes later with the cinema times.. that looks too keen…. But if you waited 2-3 days then that’s just someone finding time to look up the times and sending a quick message saying ‘do you fancy it?’….

Don’t be put off by this experience and don’t be too stand offish with future dates…

Maybe work on your own self esteem before entering the world of dating … I think being so insecure makes you vulnerable to the wrong kind of men!

If the shag is the result of a bloke feeling he has succeeded in overcoming a 'challenge' to get there then no, I don't agree. Certainly not a good or lasting relationship.

@PercyJackson wrote:

"Why on earth would anyone want to be with that men who think like that don't want a relationship, they want a shag".

Shag or not quite frequently a shag ends up in a relationship . Don't you agree?

What it the status quo now?

I Tried to read throw all the messages but because there are so many I am sure I missed something important.

@XyzMan You'd feel flattered if a woman sent you 50 texts? Why? If she was sending 50 texts would that be because you'd not replied to any of them and she was harassing you? It really doesn't make sense. That's bombardment.

I am in not texting camp ...however if u did text and got a response then it is time to stop analysis- paralysis and move on.
There's no way of texting in a "right way" that would get this man interested if he already isn't.
And if he was interested then there would have been virtually no way of messing it via text.

Yes , and by the way . That she is not into him, I am sure he must have felt at the date; which means he very likely backing up himself and playing it cool. Let's see what happens sort of strategy .
She needs to make up her mind what she would like to get out of this for herself. Than he can decide if he actually wants that as well or is looking for something else.
And buy the way , if a woman would send me 50 texts I would feel flattered, because I would feel like VIP, not just another man.

But phoning is a better idea to find out what is going on in each other's head.

Jeepers, you're giving yourself such a hard time and over thinking it all.

You asked, it is perfectly OK to do that. You have your own mind. He said no. That's ok too.

Don't have a melt down because you think a text would put someone off. Of it did, they are the ones who really need to see a therapist.

Know your own mind, girl!