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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be jealous of people having babies outside of a COVID world

182 replies

Shaveacave · 09/05/2024 21:10

My daughter was born literally the day we went into lockdown, 23rd March 2020. Not one person held her other than DH or me until she was nearly 10 weeks old. DH was a key worker so worked throughout so from 2 weeks on DD and I sat at home all day, every day. I had a very difficult birth resulting in an emergency cesarean which seemed to take forever to heal and I wasn't well enough to even get out for our allocated one hour walk a day until DD was 6 weeks old. There was only one 'group' I could eventually attend which was an outside only walk together in a park but everything I had hoped to do; baby massage, baby sign, stay and play, not one of them existed.
We had 3 lockdowns that year, when the third one was announced I sobbed and arranged to go back to work 2 months ahead of schedule because I couldn't cope anymore.

We're obviously fine now. DD is a wonderful, funny, bright 4 year old and I love her more than anything. But I was the first of my friends to have a baby and a few have started their families now and most recently my sister-in-law just had her first baby. And I feel like I'm seething with jealousy at the experience they all get to have that I didn't. My in-laws are going to stay with sister-in-law as her husband is going back to work tomorrow so she won't have to be alone. I couldn't leave my bed the first day on my own and I just sobbed all day. I remember the next day my husband planting food all over the house for me to make sure wherever I found myself I ate something because I literally didn't eat that first day until he got home; the idea of having my Mum there with me to help those first few days on my own would have meant the world to me. And I just feel so sad about it. I work full time, I was always going to go back to work full time, we can't afford for me not to. And now it's just 4 months until DD is in school anyway so that's it, these early years are pretty much behind me and I'm suddenly feeling very sad about it.

I don't really have an AIBU, just ranting I suppose!
I'm so happy for all my friends, I'm beyond thrilled to be an Auntie for the first time!! Truly I am and I don't wish any of them anything but wonderful things. But I just feel a bit sad for me and DD tonight.

OP posts:
Welovecrumpets · 09/05/2024 21:26

Matilda1981 · 09/05/2024 21:23

I had my 4th on 30th March 2020 and it was brilliant being in lockdown! Absolutely no pressure to host any visitors, I could look like shit and no one saw me, no pressure to actually get to baby groups on time, let’s face it, that’s not easy the first few weeks! Being in hospital was a better experience as there weren’t noisy visitors and the mums all chatted to each other and supported each other.
Honestly, you need to stop being jealous of new mums now as you have no idea really what it would have been like to have a baby not in lockdown so you can’t really compare!

It was your 4th. No offence but having had the ‘standard’ experience 3 times previously, do you not think your response is utterly glib and lacking in self awareness?

Welovecrumpets · 09/05/2024 21:24

Sending hugs. Don’t listen to ‘I just got on with it pre-pandemic, me’ wankers.

The early days are a bit like dating. You feel nerve wracked taking them out of the house and to new places, but it’s how you bond and grow your confidence looking after them in the world. It’s lovely to show off a new baby, take them for walks, go to groups and meet new mums, and basically just do the new mum thing because that’s what you are! It’s the sunny side to the hard side which is the stitches, pain, learning to breastfeed, up and down emotions. When you’re deprived of the nice things you’re just left with the hard stuff.

Plus not all of us were lucky enough to live in lovely spacious houses with nice gardens and local walks to enjoy. We lived in a flat in the middle of a housing estate in a city. Because of the unforeseen wfh, DP was working in the living room (which was open plan to the kitchen) so we had zero space to even do play stuff, especially once she was walking.

All the banana bread and ‘getting on with things’ wankers can just fuck off

Matilda1981 · 09/05/2024 21:23

I had my 4th on 30th March 2020 and it was brilliant being in lockdown! Absolutely no pressure to host any visitors, I could look like shit and no one saw me, no pressure to actually get to baby groups on time, let’s face it, that’s not easy the first few weeks! Being in hospital was a better experience as there weren’t noisy visitors and the mums all chatted to each other and supported each other.
Honestly, you need to stop being jealous of new mums now as you have no idea really what it would have been like to have a baby not in lockdown so you can’t really compare!

FictionalCharacter · 09/05/2024 21:18

I think it’s unreasonable to think this way, yes.
Plenty of people who had their baby in more “normal” times don’t have the advantages you’re describing. I didn’t when I had mine, I had no help from parents, in-laws, nobody coming to stay, nothing. The birth was traumatic, the babies had health problems and the early years were very hard.

thehistorymum · 09/05/2024 21:15

I am sending you massive hugs, from one Covid mum to another. My little boy was born on 31st March 2020 and recognised so much of what you wrote as my own experience.

DeliberatelyDefiant · 09/05/2024 21:14

I am so sorry. Mine were teens when COVID hit, and yet I thought of those with babies. I don't know how I would have coped, the fact you have and your DD is thriving is a credit to you.

It was shit for all ages, it seems like a nightmare

Shelinaa · 09/05/2024 21:13

I hear you.

DD1 was a covid baby. I thought I was a crap mum with a difficult baby and possibly PND.

I’ve now had DD2, and it turns out that it’s not me (or my babies), it was lockdown.

So, so awful. And it sucks that we can’t get the time back. Rant away.

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