To be jealous of people having babies outside of a COVID world

Also spare a thought for those were planning to have fertility treatment during Covid and it was delayed, so May now not have a baby because of it

Totally normal to feel like you do, must have been very stressful. But I’m not sure how carrying jealously for those having babies now helps, they’re not doing it to spite you - if the feelings are affecting your life you need to get counselling. You have a DD, focus on that and enjoying your time now. You can’t change the past.

OP, I really feel for you having such a bad time, I know I relied on my parents for so much support after my children were born, it must have been really tough, not having another person pop round to look at a rash you were worried about or play with the baby and be nice to you.

I think so many people had a crap time, I do feel for people who missed the last months/years of their loved ones lives due to isolation.
What helps me is remembering that everyone sacrificed so much, especially you, and we did it to protect older people and vulnerable people. It was a big sacrifice from you and lots of other people, but it was done to save the lives of others. I don’t know if that helps you, I don’t know
if you can frame it that way in your mind, can you see it as an incredibly difficult time you could be proud of where you gave up so much for the good of others?

Having your 4th is a completely different experience to having your first!

I had my second in lock down and I didn’t find it awful but because I had an older child to keep me occupied and had made friends with my first.

I always say it must have been soooo hard for first time mums, I relied so much on my friendship group with my first. I had no support from family so these friends really did help me. Having your first baby is hard with the not knowing / doubting but even harder when you can’t even talk to others.

All first time mums I know with lock down babies seem to have the same opinion that it was rubbish.

On the flip side, I am jealous of people who have family who come help when you had a baby, not because of lock down because my family is very hands off

This Tbh. The grass is always greener.

Also have a (later) Covid baby. All the hellish things my friends experienced didn’t exist. There were pros and cons.

Should say unsuccessful cycles are not in the same league as an IVF miscarriage and never will be so you wouldn't be able to emphasise with me on that one. Plus I actually had a sibling telling me at the time it was probably for the best due to COVID.

I have a July 2020 baby and a July 2022 baby and the difference in experience was huge.

Just being able to see people and talk to them, go out of the house to a shop or cafe without worrying, use groups to add some structure to the week so it was less like Groundhog Day made so much difference to my mental health the second time around.

My sister recently had her first and while I’m thrilled for her I did have a moment of feeling a bit sad for myself.

When I can afford it I think i need a few therapy sessions to talk it all out properly.

That sounds terribly hard op. I’m so sorry.
First babies are hard. Mine was born many years before lockdown, but I can relate to aspects of your experience. And to that jealousy too.

People put on a great show about babies, and some people do have easy experiences. But many people have hidden traumas. When I was open about my struggles, other mums shared theirs - and what stood out to me was that everyone thinks that their unique circumstances were what made it hard so they assume no one can understand or relate. But talking about it, is healing.

I hope you can find some solidarity and connection on this thread.

Actually I had no children at all, and at that point it was looking like I never might as I had discovered I had no tubes.

Obviously a toddler in lockdown was tough and I’m truly sorry for you and all the mums who dealt with that. But it wouldn’t be helpful nor empathetic for me to say “well at least you had a child!” Which is what you’re doing to the OP and totally minimising her different, but also rubbish, experience.

Yes you have over reacted. Go and take a chill pill. You also display a complete lack of empathy for my situation at the time. I couldn't try until middle of 2021 so you were lucky!

You know what? You have a happy healthy child. Try to more thankful and stop comparing. You'll be happier.

When we compare we can also find people who've had a worse time than us.....My friend had a bad headache one day, went to Drs when it wouldn't go away & was sent to hospital to find out it was a brain tumour. She was gone in a week leaving her three gorgeous kids and darling husband.

Another mate has a DS with a failing kidney who needs a transplant.

So you missed some baby classes. Stop comparing, move on & enjoy your beautiful child now please.

I get you. My husband was in Afghanistan 2010. The worst year for British military deaths. I was pregnant and he missed the birth and I still think about it 14 years later. People can say that was his / our choice and people have it worse but it doesn't take away the experience.

I do sympathise actually but just trying to point out the positives. Plus I am sure many would have taken being stuck at home with a newborn over a two year old with endless energy and we don't have a garden don't you think?

My clinic was also shut. All IVF clinics were. I my first unsuccessful round in very early 2020 and wasn’t able to start again until late 2020. Do you have a point to make?

Id imagine you feel robbed of an experience most (not all) new mums have. It’s ok to have moments of sadness. Jealousy and struggling right. I’ve, I’d say you are probably trying not to feel it so it’s growing. Don’t bottle it, let it out and move on.

@Porridgeislife my clinic was shut as was many others. We weren't able to have any treatment. You were quite lucky to get the chance.

You’re the only one playing top trumps here with your complete and utter lack of empathy.

I didn't say I didn't recognise how hard it was although it was a damn sight harder having a two year at home with no garden so nowhere for her to play and no nursery if you want to play top trumps.

I had DD2 in lockdown. I can see where you’re coming from, although DD1 was a preemie and spent weeks in hospital, so there’s parts of both experiences I’d love to change. I’d love to get the ‘normal’ experience of taking my baby home within days and all the visitors etc, but for us it wasn’t to be. Theyre both thriving now, so I’ll just have to be thankful and always wonder 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP I really feel for you and other mums who had their first during 2020.

We had our first finally at the very tail end of Covid in 2022 and had a very tricky baby. We needed lots of bf support, osteo etc and for my sanity I signed up for every class & group going as otherwise we both sat around the house crying!

I wouldn’t have coped at all in lockdown with them, I certainly wouldn’t have managed breastfeeding. New mums (amongst other vulnerable groups) got such a raw deal at that time.

Oh grow up. I spent ALL of Covid having miserable unsuccessful IVF treatment and I can still recognise that having your first baby in the first lockdown must have been so, so hard.

I had a lockdown baby and I can't listen to friends who had babies recently talk about their maternity experiences. Yes I probably should have therapy to deal with it but with an almost 4 year and full time work there is no time or money for it!

I often come off the phone with friends crying. And no there will be no baby #2 to heal my hurt as many of the nursery mums I know have done. I actually cannot face it as the experience was too awful the first time. It all totally ruined my transition to motherhood and generally how I feel about parenting.

Some people won't understand, plenty of replies on here show that. I was actually scared to read the thread as I knew it would open an emotional can of worms for me but I didn't want to leave you with replies from those who do not understand. I understand your jealousy, I understand your pain.

Another Lockdown baby born here, thinking back now (which I don't like to do often!) it really was awful, not just the lack of visitors / support after but my care during the Hospital stay. I remember there being next to no communication from the Medical team following DCs birth. I was on a packed ward and the bell was ringing constantly all through the day and night - but there didn't seem to be anyone around to help us. My discharge from Hospital was a total shambles, ended up marching out of the Ward with brand new Baby, car seat and my bags following a C-Section. I've never been so happy to see DH waiting outside those double doors. For Me though the hardest part of a Lockdown birth was all the appointments leading up to it, having to go alone to Scans and meetings, making important decisions alone. That was tough and took away so much of the usual excitement