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AIBU?

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Original poster

Why do people swear sooo much and why does it bother me?

59 replies

lightsandtunnels · 09/05/2024 20:35

Obviously no one can say why something bothers another person but bear with me for this one!
Today DH and I went out to a lovely country pub for a drink after work and sat by a beautiful quiet river in the sunshine. Two tables were close to us. One with two guys around early 30s. Talking to each other and using fing (variations of) as a constant adjective, verb or whatever in their conversation. The other table was a smaller group of men and women age between early 40s and late 60s I'd say. They were worse. Talking loudly but just general conversation with each other, not arguments or anything but fing constantly being used again and again as an adjective, exclamation, verb or whatever.

This really really bothered me! I hate hearing language like this and so audibly. I find it offensive and rude and at best it's just lazy. We actually left earlier than we had planned to and I had to stop myself from saying something to both groups (for those of you about to tell me I should just leave the situation.) I don't really know why it bothers me so much as it's just a word and I tried to have an internal dialogue with myself to just chill but I found it really horrible to hear. I've had this several times usually in pubs or restaurants and I hate it.

fwiw I do swear myself, in certain situations, like being scared suddenly or annoyed but not in general conversation in public.

Is it just me? AIBU?

YABU - get a f*king grip lights it's perfectly fine
YANBU - I hate it too

OP posts:
allthelittleangelsriseupriseup · 09/05/2024 21:32

I'm afraid I have to use this wonderful quote by B Connolly.

Why do people swear sooo much and why does it bother me?
Pigeonqueen · 09/05/2024 21:32

qwertyqwertyqwertyqwerty · 09/05/2024 21:12

I think it makes people sound really stupid, like they don’t have a good vocabulary. It makes people sound rough, I really hate it. This a judgement.

People who are clever, with a good vocab and who are not 'rough' also swear.

I do judge. It’s unnecessary and horrid.

RichPetunia · 09/05/2024 21:32

I really dislike it. Changes any conversation into numpty-speak. I think swearing reflects badly on the person who is doing the swearing and also makes me think their parents didn't bring them up to know any better. That's not to be inflammatory, but I always knew that if I swore there'd be slippered backside for punishment.

henlake7 · 09/05/2024 21:28

I'm with the OP on this one....I hate 'conversational' swearing. I don't mind it used for emphasis or as an exclamation, it makes sense then.
It's those people who can't have a normal conversation without every other word being a swear word. I always wonder what do they say when they actually have a good reason to swear!?

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 09/05/2024 21:27

Cel77 · 09/05/2024 21:07

I hate swearing. Why use those words? Unnecessary,crass and often a reflection of someone's intellect unfortunately.

This is so far from correct it's funny, you're simply attempting to put people down to justify your opinion on something, not cool or remotely intelligent.

Gwenhwyfar · 09/05/2024 21:27

It bothers me if it's aggressive too. I suppose I feel threatened when people start trading insults. I suppose you come from a family where swearing wasn't allowed.

CatamaranViper · 09/05/2024 21:16

Cel77 · 09/05/2024 21:07

I hate swearing. Why use those words? Unnecessary,crass and often a reflection of someone's intellect unfortunately.

It really, really doesn't. Those that think it does often live an incredibly sheltered life and need to get out more.

qwertyqwertyqwertyqwerty · 09/05/2024 21:12

I think it makes people sound really stupid, like they don’t have a good vocabulary. It makes people sound rough, I really hate it. This a judgement.

People who are clever, with a good vocab and who are not 'rough' also swear.

MaryFuckingFerguson · 09/05/2024 21:10

In the past someone would remind the people swearing that they were in company ( think ‘ladies present’)

If someone patronisingly said ‘ladies present’ in front of me, I’d give them an ear bashing and tell them to fuck right off. 😂

Original poster
lightsandtunnels · 09/05/2024 21:08

MaryFuckingFerguson · 09/05/2024 21:06

I’m known for my verbosity and as a wordsmith, but I bloody love swearing. I think it enhances conversation in the right context. I would never use it aggressively.

I think if you’re twitching over casual ‘fucks’ being bandied about, you need to get over it or avoid public places.

haha, well I quite like going out so I think a bit of therapy may be in order!

OP posts:
user2207 · 09/05/2024 21:07

I really get annoyed at this. I do not see why is it impossible to express your thoughts without an offesive language in public - where other people can hear you (in private everyone can say what they want). I also would prefer if kids did not hear such vocabulary and it did not become normalised. There are plenty of words in the english language.
I also do not see the need for swearing in films and tv programmes.

Original poster
lightsandtunnels · 09/05/2024 21:07

Restinggoddess · 09/05/2024 20:45

I agree with you - don’t mind the odd swear word in a small group / at home / middle
of nowhere but when out in public it seems to be rife and it’s a sign of our continued lower standards. In the past someone would remind the people swearing that they were in company ( think ‘ladies present’)
As for Scotland the c word is used as a term of endearment- almost every other sentence in our local pub. It gets on my wick frankly. I am no shy retiring wall flower but we have lost our way.

I agree. I think we have lost our way with what is and isn't acceptable in many ways!

OP posts:
Cel77 · 09/05/2024 21:07

I hate swearing. Why use those words? Unnecessary,crass and often a reflection of someone's intellect unfortunately.

MaryFuckingFerguson · 09/05/2024 21:06

I’m known for my verbosity and as a wordsmith, but I bloody love swearing. I think it enhances conversation in the right context. I would never use it aggressively.

I think if you’re twitching over casual ‘fucks’ being bandied about, you need to get over it or avoid public places.

Original poster
lightsandtunnels · 09/05/2024 21:05

Medschoolmum · 09/05/2024 20:47

I couldn't care less if people swear, as long as they're not doing so to express aggression. They're just words, and they only have the power to offend if you choose to give them that power.

Yes this is kind of my dilemma really! I'm usually quite good at dealing with difficult things/people/situations and not giving them the time in my head/heart to hurt or bother me. But this swearing does bother me.

The Scottish swearing others have mentioned did make me laugh as I am half Scottish myself. Oddly enough, swearing in a Scottish accent doesn't sound quite so bad!
'Get tae fuck' being a good example of not having the same level of offence to me at all! 😅

OP posts:
Calamitycassie · 09/05/2024 21:00

Bushmillsbabe · 09/05/2024 20:53

I'm definitely not a fan of swearing, I find it really aggressive. But equally I get its how some people apparently let off steam - or so I'm told.

When it really bothers me is when I have my young children with me, in a local restaurant in the daytime, or in a supermarket etc, and people are loudly swearing and then my girls go 'mummy what does that mean'. Its like smoking, don't do it with children nearby

Oh for fucks sake. Hardly the same as smoking, they can’t fucking get ill from passive swearing

I remember when I was younger at work I unknowingly swore within earshot of a child, the mother came running over explaining how offensive it was to her child’s ears. I told her that child will get a short sharp shock when they start school and see the real world.

2chocolateoranges · 09/05/2024 20:58

Medschoolmum · 09/05/2024 20:47

I couldn't care less if people swear, as long as they're not doing so to express aggression. They're just words, and they only have the power to offend if you choose to give them that power.

Totally agree, they are just words, some choose to use them , others don’t.

I hate the c*t and bas**d words but other than that I don’t mind people swearing, but then again there is a time and a place.

i wouldn’t swear in front of families or my mum! 😂😂

DoAWheelie · 09/05/2024 20:57

Swearing is only an issue when it's directed at someone. "The fucking phone wont work" is fine. "Fuck you" is not.

I won't swear when talking directly to kids but I'm not going to change how I speak just in case a random passing child might overhear me.

FredsRoses · 09/05/2024 20:56

I swear, but often think it comes down to the people you're with, for example, at work everyone f's and blinds, so I find myself doing it too, but then when with my parents or whatever I never do.

Bushmillsbabe · 09/05/2024 20:53

I'm definitely not a fan of swearing, I find it really aggressive. But equally I get its how some people apparently let off steam - or so I'm told.

When it really bothers me is when I have my young children with me, in a local restaurant in the daytime, or in a supermarket etc, and people are loudly swearing and then my girls go 'mummy what does that mean'. Its like smoking, don't do it with children nearby

Overtheatlantic · 09/05/2024 20:53

Actually I swore at my cat this morning. She sneezed in my face and I gently whispered “fuck off my love.”

Calamitycassie · 09/05/2024 20:51

I wish I swore less. It becomes such a habit once you start and it’s something I’ve become very aware of lately.

I F and blind like no tomorrow but I KNOW it doesn’t “suit me” it’s just so fluent. But when DP does it especially in public I do cringe and I don’t know why.

I think I say fuck fucking shit bastard cunt twat tit prick knob arsed etc in conversation wayyyyyy too much but it sort of switches off when I’m say at shops for example. Although not at work. It’s really frustrating 😂

Iamacatslave · 09/05/2024 20:48

Fuck if I know.

Pigeonqueen · 09/05/2024 20:47

I agree with you. I think it makes people sound really stupid, like they don’t have a good vocabulary. It makes people sound rough, I really hate it.

MenoBabe · 09/05/2024 20:47

Terrribletwos · 09/05/2024 20:43

Doesn't really bother me, it's just words when you think about it, unless it's used in an aggressive way?

Very common in Ireland, it didn't bother me at all. I'd probably be a bit mindful around children, but that's it. For me the issue is that they were loud, that's the real problem.

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