Has your motherhood journey been what you wanted/expected?

I know what you mean. DS was 1 year 4 months in lockdown and I was made redundant the Friday before we locked down on the Monday. He wasn't napping and was getting mobile so I was actually quite grateful that I didn't have to try and work from home!

Yes and no, but we are now entering teen years so been riding this roller coaster for a while.

Early doors was hard, my eldest had colic, it was hell. I had literally no instinct about why she cried, but I found a great book and realised I had it all wrong. That book was a life saver! I also was not ready to deal with being called X's mummy.....I have a name!!!! I was pretty glad to go back to work after maternity and recover my identity.

Baby and toddler years were relentless, but I do kind of miss them sometimes. I miss the innocence and the cuddles. I do not miss the stuff you had to carry about, the tantrums, the sleepless nights.

Primary school was pretty good, although after school care caused me a near breakdown....until I got an afterschool babysitter who I still have even though one is in high school! She does the ballet runs and random drop offs an picks ups.

Now we are into hormones, boys, social media and general teen stuff. I'm mostly enjoying it, this is the bit of motherhood I think I'm best at and the bit I was looking forward to. Not always a bed of roses, and I'm very lucky to have two very easy going, charming, mostly lovely girls who touch wood haven't hit any major issues with their mental health, they don't chase drama and who are wildly sensible (unlike me at that age).

Motherhood is so much more than just the baby years. I think it's hard to remember that when you are in the thick of it. COVID was hard for everyone, I think, and I don't doubt having a baby during it was tough, you could think of the flip side of, at least you were off work and could fully focus on being present for your children. That actually is a wonderful thing if you look at it that way. In our case, dh was working trying to keep our family business afloat and I was stuck at home all day every day working FT while also home schooling a 7 year old and keeping a 2 year old plopped in from of the tv with junk food so I could work. It was hard. But life goes on and things are different now.

I'm not sure what I expected of being a parent, but I would say that it's been hard and more boring than I thought at times, but also more emotional, more rewarding, more fun, more demanding than I thought. I think I'm doing a better job than my parents did (and I think dh could say the same) and I think our kids are happy and well adjusted.

Definitely didnt have 'the luxury of a normal experience' with baby 1. She was born prematurely, very unwell, rushed to hospital 3 times by ambulance unconscious in first few weeks of her life, had to be tube fed, I needed surgery to repair damage during the delivery ended up in hospital with an infection and had severe PND and was suicidal. But still had all the relatives coming round and trying to put on a brave face despite being in physical and mental agony.

I just said I personally found it easier with my 2nd during lockdown as less pressure from the outside world. That is not commenting on how easy or hard anyone else's experience was

No.

I thought I'd be a lot more fun, carefree Miss Honey from matilda type of mum but I've found the juggle of working, housework and SEND incredibly hard. Some days it feels like I'm constantly doing all the back stage work and stretched thin. I also find the guilt, worry and stress all consuming. I do love my children though, and I love the small snippets of time I get to spend with them .Absolutely loved fleeting moments of having babies and pregnancy - it just went to quick.

No. Both my children are autistic and life is different from my expectations.

They’re brilliant and I love them both more than anything but it’s not what I’d thought and I constantly worry for their future.

I'm not sure if I want kids anyway but this thread is quite eye-opening, so many bad birth experiences and children with complex needs, as well as single motherhood (which I don't imagine is easy) am wondering if I could cope with any of that.

No and no. Up until my boys were about 10 i loved motherhood , now they are teens and one is now diagnosed autistic , family life has been brutally hard, marriage is hanging on by a thread, and although i wouldnt want to live if something happened to them, i miss my life so much and wonder if they will even bother keeping in touch when they leave home one day. It makes me incredibly sad.

🤣🤣🤣

@PurpleBugz big hug, it's crap isn't it x

It's not what I expected.
I was left with a birth injury after my first and when I finally felt semi normal lockdown hit. I still feel angry I was robbed of my mat leave and more angry I followed the bloody rules and had my own mother looking at her DGC through a window for the first lockdown, whilst Boris and co were drinking in Westminster.

Second time around I enjoyed the baby days but they went so fast.
I had two miscarriages last year and I feel like a worse mother because of it. I'm shouty and short tempered and it makes me cry just thinking about how snappy I am. I was never this person.

I absolutely love the bones of my kids but it's hard. Much harder than I thought. I feel like my marriage is rocky at best and honestly? I'd just like a fucking lie in 😂

Agree. Very difficult time with eldest son due to his disabilities and with the younger two I just worry what sort of world we’ve brought them into. Absolutely no way I’d have kids if I could have my time again. Both my daughters have said they won’t have children. Ones only 18 but the other is 33 and showing no signs of changing her mind. I honestly don’t blame her.

Ooh, I don't know - have you ever driven in Milton Keynes?!

It's been pleasingly easy so far (touch wood). I was prepared for a rebellious mini me which would have been hell, thankfully they are more like DH.

A journey implies starting in one place and moving to another. Not going round and round in circles slowly going mad.

Don’t worry about it, I think some people like to take their unhappiness or bad day out on mumsnet posts.

I thought this would just be a chatty thread to hear others experiences. I momentarily forgot that any mumsnet thread can end up in a row. 😅

@Citygirlrurallife
Don't I can't bear it!
Sometimes the only thing that gets me up in the morning is the look of love on DC's face.
If that goes, I'm screwed!

Oh jeez leave OP alone. Who cares she called it a journey why are people crying over it. Mumsnet is so weird

It absolutely isn't...its way better.

I could never see myself as a SAHM, then he arrived and it just suddenly felt like that was it..and my life changed and I absolutely loved it.
I Still do love it, he is 6 now and he is going through a little stage of knowing best, which is exhausting and repetitive - but in between that, he is hilarious, I am proud every day of how well mannered and kind he is (and I don't get bored of being told all those nice things about him).

I love that I thought being a parent would take a part of my character or life away from me and on reality it is just added to me and my life.

I was trying to be very nice until I got that sad attempt at a “gotcha” back at me

How is this 'revisionism'? People have been describing life as a journey for hundreds and hundreds of years. 'In the middle of the journey of our life, I came to myself in a dark wood, where the straight way was lost'? Is that canonical enough? The fecking Bible uses metaphors of life as a journey, too.

I find 'motherhood journey' a bit twee personally - because I too easily associate that phrase with hyper-positive instagrammers hashtagging 'blessed' and so on. But that's probably on me, really. It certainly isn't fair to pretend it's a new piece of language.