Would this bother you?

So this is something that blows my mind.

I’m bi-sexual. Am I not allowed to have any friends at all?

And where do you meet friends? Most of my friends are colleagues and ex-colleagues, building on things we have in common from outside work. Because surely that’s how people meet?

If your husband has given you no cause for concern and there’s been transparency, then I don’t really see what the problem is.

My husband went to a football match with a woman at work because he had a spare ticket and she was a fan of the same team.

They are married now! I'd never had any worries about him cheating and trusted him totally.

It wouldn’t bother me at all.
I’ve been to a gig with a colleague that I don’t otherwise socialise with, and I’ve also been to a gig with a friends husband. Both times it was just a shared love of the band and keeping each other company rather than go alone. Though I’ve also gone to a few gigs alone too.

I wonder how people would manage in a same sex/bi-sexual relationship if they wouldn't let their partner be friends with people from the sex they are attracted to.
I think YABU.

Completely unreasonable. My hubby regularly does dog walks and stuff with a younger female friend, he knows its not my thing and they both enjoy it. Nothing untoward at all. Let them enjoy the gig your paranoia won't be helped on here.

If you want to be Cool Partner that’s fine. However this would not sit well with me, nor would my partner be ok with it if it was reversed.

Concert's probably over now. This was posted in May.

Nothing worse than a clingy partner. Let him go with her without tagging along to keep an eye on them. Keep things in perspective....nothing ruins a relationship more that insecurity and/or jealousy.

I do not think that it is necessary at all to be suspicious. If they have discovered a shared love of certain musicians, it can be an instant bond. I had a shared love of Blondie with ex boss.

We went to a gig together. We bought the shirts. We went to another a couple of years later, this time with his teenage daughter. She loved it! We had nice clean boundaries, our partners were entirely in the picture. It was all lovely actually!

😆 It's so sweet that you believe that.

@TheEnglishPatent Hard NO. No way would I be OK with this. Tell him YOU will go with him.

I 100% trusted my ex husband to go out with female friends to club nights which I didn't enjoy. He ended up going off with one of them. I never thought he would do this to us but he did. I would not be happy with this.

so it’s perfectly possible he’d have gone with any colleague who was a fan of the band, surely.

^

Nope. It really isn't

Once again they make friends with the twenty year old female, rather than the old hack from Accounts, and the same taste in music!!! What a coincidence.

Is she pretty, op?

This wouldn’t bother me at all. My partner is into very different music to me and I neither know nor care who he goes to gigs with. If he chose to cheat on me that’s entirely his problem, I don’t think he would, but policing his friendships wouldn’t stop him if he had the desire. I socialise with whoever I want and wouldn’t appreciate him questioning it so he’s entitled to do the same.

See you don’t need to defend your 30 years or happiness to me – I fully believe it if you say so, regardless of whatever friendships you have. Because that’s you and your partner – fab.

It’s odd that you don’t afford other people the same and instead feel the need to judge the genuineness of others’ feelings simply because YOU don’t feel that way.

I do trust my DH implicitly and I know he utterly adores me. My marriage is the most wonderful thing about my life. He feels exactly the same.

It’s a shame you so readily apply ‘sad and mistrustful’ to something you clearly don’t understand at all.

Wishing you well.

Never been in this scenario but I don't think I'd have an issue with it. He's been upfront, he could have gone alone and bumped into her anyway if it's a local venue.

Probably wouldn't be happy if it was a venue a longer distance away and needed an overnight stay. That's a bit different.

Now I'm really curious which band it is 🤣 although many big bands have avid followers who often pitch up on their own.

Well, mine has endured 30 happy years with neither of us policing one another’s opposite-sex friendships and no one falling onto one another’s genitals.. I’m not ‘misunderstanding’ yours. I know only what you’ve said on here about your marriage. It just sounds rather sad and mistrustful.

My advice is to blow this wide open and say something like “You do realise that if you have sex with her, I will leave you”.

People pussy foot around all this sort of stuff too much, pretending they’re cool while suffering in silence or conversely getting heavy handed about the wrong thing instead of being honest about the real thing.

Once you’ve exposed the unspoken reality that sex is a possibility, he can’t continue to be naive or pretend naive, whichever he is being.

If he’s going to shag her, you stopping him going to an event with her might postpone that but won’t stop it.

Again – complete misunderstanding of the boundary, which is mutual and mutually respected. I don’t restrict his social life and he doesn’t restrict mine. He simply wouldn’t entertain it and I wouldn’t entertain it – for each other and for ourselves.

It isn’t a requirement of our strong marriage in that any rules have to be actively adhered to. The boundary is just who we are and how we conduct ourselves in a relationship.

I couldn’t care less what others do in their relationship and I don’t analyse what it may or may not mean for them. Mutual and genuine happiness is the only indicator of a successful relationship, not behaviour or expectations. So I suggest you stop analysing other people’s marriages.

He was planning to go by himself before the colleague suggested they go together, so it’s perfectly possible he’d have gone with any colleague who was a fan of the band, surely.

And yet this 100% trust and ‘incredibly strong’ marriage requires you to normalise restricting your husband’s social life?

She's young and attractive, I bet.

If it was 59 year old and 15 stone Mildred from Accounts he would not be going.

I couldn’t bring myself to go to a gig as my husband’s cockblocker.

Either you trust him or you don’t.

This whole thing is just so depressing.

Woman talks to male colleague at work and finds they like same thing.

What are her "motives"? Are your spidey senses tingling? Where is her respect?

Because obviously every woman is trying to get your man

FFS this place can be so disappointing

I was on the fence about this one so I've just asked my DH. He's a similar age to yours, OP and also a fan of live music. In fact he's very similar right down the looking younger than he is, being quite trendy and being oblivious to women flirting with him...maybe they should just go to the gig together! 😅

Anyway, he said if he was your DH he wouldn't feel comfortable with the situation. He said he would be worried about people at work thinking there was something going on. He said he'd be particularly wary if she was junior to him, but that even if they were at the same level "it doesn't look good" due to her being younger. He said if there was a group of them it would be fine though.

Even if you trust your DH 100% there is always the possibility that this girl has a crush on him and he could end up in an embarrassing situation that makes things awkward for both of them at work.