To give up on breastfeeding?

This is as good a time as any to learn that what matters for your child is that they're fed, clean, breathing and have you in the best condition you can be to respond to them. What ideas you had in your head before delivery are irrelevant. Your personal feelings of achievement or failure are meaningless. Your baby knows nothing about them and doesn't care. They got out into the world in one piece, you've done all you could do at every stage, and they're content. The only potential risk factor in this scenario is the pressure you're putting yourself under. Be happy. Be adequate. It's not a competition. Your baby isn't secretly evaluating your performance. I FF all my babies (had to) and they're healthy, clever and beautiful despite my constant mediocrity as a mother. The things I wish I'd done more is make sure I was ok.

Totally an individual decision. A friend of mine exclusively pumped for 6 months, using a really effective breast pump machine she loaned from the hospital. I was in awe of her efforts and determination. For some it would be too much. Only you can decide, and its OK whatever you choose.

Push through and stick with it - honestly it's so much cheaper and more convenient than arsing around warming and cleaning bottles.

This is nearly exactly my experience and I'm in the same place right now. LO likes nipple shields but tbh only really uses me as a dummy. I'd say is 80% formula fed and I feel like I've done him a disservice by not persevering but had to see these comments to stop being so hard on myself. Whichever choice you make I'm sure it'll be best for you and baby. They will still thrive on formula.

Do what feels best for you 💐

Small babies lack the strength and muscle tone to breastfeed. If you pump and feed via bottle so he can put some weight on then you may find he can suddenly do it (this happened with my DD when she was about 5 weeks old - she was born a little over 6lb and a few weeks early and was really tired and frail). But it’s up to you obviously

The first few weeks breastfeeding are the hardest without all of the other factors with your ds and the birth! However, if you think you will be really disappointed why don't you give yourself a time limit and if it hasn't improved by then switch over? I absolutely hate pumping so I get it but you can get hands free ones that sit in your bra. And if you do decide to switch you have tried your hardest and shouldn't feel guilty at all

Someone shared this advice with me when I was in a similar position with DC1, so I’m sharing it with you…

It is absolutely, 100%, completely fine to move away from BF if that’s what works best for you and baby right now.

At the moment, I know that it feels like a really big deal, but I assure you in a few years you won’t be able to spot the EBF babies from those who were formula fed from day 1. The importance of this really does diminish with time.

You are a caring loving mother. You’re doing a great job.

Always put your sanity first and if stopping helps with this, then stop.

I FF DC1 and BF DC2. It was worked best for my DCs and me.

Not unreasonable. I battled on until about 12 weeks with barely any milk and honestly it was hell. I think about how stupid it all was now. I spent my life sat in a darkened room, crying, doing skin to skin, breastfeeding and pumping. Really bad times. The problem with breastfeeding is once you start it’s very difficult to give up on because there’s actually a lot of emotional investment that goes into it and it is lovely to be close to your baby.

You’re not unreasonable to call it a day, OP. Remove the stress and expectations and start enjoying life with your baby.

I had very small but full term twins (5lb) who sound identical to your DS. They were almost permanently asleep, would latch very briefly and then fall asleep - on repeat for hours a day, for two months. I also expressed for 2 months which sucked all my life, energy and happiness.

I threw it all out and FF. Haven’t looked back since and my now 6yr olds are brilliant, healthy, intelligent and perfect. I regret wasting 2 months being a shell of a mother.

Yanbu, fed is best. I also struggled with my oldest and the utter pain of pumping around the clock, eating specific things only to rule out this and that issue, being the only one to feed my baby and then doing combi feeding in any case, I gave up. My MH improved and I felt only after that did I actually bond more with my baby.
With my second I went straight to FF and it really was a much better experience. Fed is best.

Sound like so much effort and it's making you stress jn the early days of motherhood and probably affecting your experience. I would say just go to formular but there's no reason you can't pump still and feed some expressed milk or try breastfeeding again but without the pressure. You haven't failed at all! It's doesn't work for a lot of people and there's no shame in that. You have had alot of things against you and no wonder its not been easy. Also you need to come to terms with the bad birth experience as it sound like you are taking the trauma with you and again, it's probably ruining your experience of motherhood. C section is absolutely not a failed birth, it's a way to get your baby out safely and quickly when things haven't worked. Our lifestyles now mean that birth isn't simple like it used to be and sometimes c sections are necessary. I got to the pushing stage with my.baby and he just couldn't come down so needed a c section. Didn't mean I had failed, it meant I didn't die and my baby was born safely. Look into your maternity units birth counselling (mine is called birth reflections) it will help you to understand why your birth went the way it did. C sections make up over a third of births now and are completely.neccessay. I hope you come to terms with that soon and work out the feeding and enjoy your precious first months with your baby.

No not unreasonable at all
I made a similar choice with both mine at 3 weeks where expressing and bottle feeding just wasn't sustainable.
They thrived on formula and were very healthy children.
Think of the bigger picture. Breast feeding at the cost of an exhausted mum and no real pattern is not helpful xx

I hired a hospital grade pump and bottle fed premature twins with expressed milk as neither would latch.

I then stopped at 10 weeks and switched to formula but massively regretted it as pumping was so much easier than faffing with formula.

The high street shop pump was rubbish!

Not unreasonable at all to call time on BF, and of course your DS will know you're his mum. Feeding is just a part of mothering.
It's clear from your post that you've tried lots of things. I can't make up my mind though whether you're really looking for permission to stop BF, or whether you want to be persuaded to keep trying!
Have you considered exclusive pumping? This means stopping all attempts at latching, but continuing to pump and give by bottle. Some women are able to produce enough milk after a while of building supply to stop formula altogether.
It's time consuming as you know to pump 8 times a day but I found once I stopped latching attempts, I was much less stressed and upset and so was my baby. I realised the thing limiting my supply was spending so long attempting to get baby to nurse and I was better off spending 30 mins 7-8 times a day pumping. Once I cracked pumping and feeding simultaneously, it all became pretty straightforward. Have to say I rarely managed 8 times a day but still was able to stop formula by 7 weeks, and reduced pump sessions as baby got older.

Absolutely not. I had a very similar experience with DS1. I was so much better physically and mentally once I stopped pumping and trying and pumping and trying. You’ve given it a lot of effort. The choice is ultimately yours but if I had my time again I wouldn’t have struggled so long. Xx