To give up on breastfeeding?

If it makes you feel any better it doesn't sound like you've given up. You've tried everything you can and it unfortunately hasn't worked. It's not your fault. Breastfeeding is very hormonal. I felt so guilty and emotional stopping even though I'd planned to stop at that point anyway. Once I'd stopped and the hormones died down I wondered why I was so bothered. You might find if you do stop you quickly feel less strongly about it as your hormones regulate a bit.

Have you tried the 'flipple' for little ones struggling to latch and used to bottle teats?

You don’t need to justify giving up pumping op. Like you said, it is literally double the work. If my DH hadn’t been wfh all lockdown during my first mat leave, i wouldn’t have been able to pump. I needed help. I did it for 5 long months and now i’m like why the actual fuck did that i do that to myself.

This!

i am usually such a pusher for breastfeeding but it sounds like you’ve done absolutely everything and I cant stand pumping it’s such a load of work/painful etc so I think you’re well within your rights to congratulate yourself for amazing effort and move on.

it’s also generally much harder to establish BF after a c section so be proud of yourself for trying. This is not your fault

It's a very personal and individual decision that only you can make. If you choose to FF then of course he will know you're his mum! Feeding him can absolutely still be a really lovely close, bonding time for you both. And if you do decide you want to continue BF then I will echo a PP by saying that 3 weeks in is still very, very early days. Mine hadn't worked out how to latch by then. Eventually worked out how to do it using nipple shields, then a bit later on I weaned him off those and went on to BF for 2 years. Never would have thought it when I was crying my eyes out over it all 3 weeks in. We had a good BF supporter who helped to work out a structured plan (involved lots of skin to skin, laid back feeding, patiently trying to BF at the start of every feed, then if that didn't work moving on to trying with nipple shields, then if that still didn't work, giving a bottle). Rinse and repeat. They do get stronger as they get bigger and that helps.

This. Take it from a mum of healthy 23 and 16 year olds - formula is fine, and a rested, happy mum is far better than a stressed, exhausted bf mum.

Then fuck that.

It's never unreasonable to stop breastfeeding. If you did want to keep at it, there's some good tips on here and you'd be totally reasonable to carry on. If you've had enough, crack open the formula and have at it.

And of course the baby will know who you are! The majority of babies in the UK aren't breastfed very long, and we aren't a society full of kids wandering round not knowing who their mums are. You'd have noticed if we were!

i second renting a hospital grade pump from medela, massively reduces the time, increases the milk pumped and makes it all so much easier! I triple fed for three months before I finally got back to EBF and it was hell but for me it was worth it, you have to do what is right for you xxx

I have to say I had a horrific time with Dd when was tiny and I was desperately trying to bf.

I stuck with it and bf for 3 years, and honestly so thankful I never gave up. But it was horrific in the beginning. She never latched so I was pumping constantly and felt like I didn’t have time to love my baby. But after week 6 it all just clicked. She fed enough from me that I got rid of the pump and from then it was smoothish sailing.

If you truly want to bf, just stick it out a tiny bit longer. Especially if you feel you’ll beat yourself up about it at a later date (as I did!).

If not, just get some Kendamil in and enjoy it! No need for guilt, your baby doesn’t care as long as you’re happy and healthy and you love them.

I did the whole bfing, pumping 8 x a day and then topping up with formula for DD1 and it totally broke me. I'm convinced it hugely contributed to the PND i had.

I've just been advised to do it again for DD2 and I've said no. For now, i put her on the breast for 20mins - what she gets, she gets, and then i give her formula. Yes, im sad ive never had the EBF experience with either of them, but my mental health feels way better already.

If you want to carry on topping up or move solely to formula, then absolutely feel free to do so. Equally, if you do decide to express, i recommend renting a medela symphony. Its only £50 a month so you dont have to spend a big outlay if in a months time you dont want to commit to expressing anymore.

YANBU to stop, and YANBU to carry on.

He will absolutely know you’re his mum even if he never ever had any breastmilk! You’ve been through a lot, it’s okay to want to stop and it’s okay to want to carry on. It’s very emotive! Pumping is time consuming - if you want to carry on, could you invest in wearable pumps so you can hold baby etc while you do it, I’ve had friends who’ve done it while out for a walk or unloading the dishwasher or whatever! And then perhaps one or two pulls a day from a hospital grade pump (ideally an evening one and an early morning one?)

All that to say if you want to stop, you can. Of course! You matter too.

Not at all and I say this as someone who has BF, it doesn't always work and it's not the end of the world. Formula is really not evil and your baby will do just fine on it.
Only if you feel you can carry on expressing and giving expressed milk and formula but if you can't then don't feel bad and carry on with the formula.

Honestly pet, you've done so much to try and sort it, I think you need to put yourself first now, so you can actually enjoy your baby.

If it's any comfort, I tried to BF all four of mine, the first two ended up FF, the second two almost exclusively BF.

There is absolutely no difference between them, and they're now in their late twenties/early thirties.

Do what is best for you and your baby, and don't feel a failure. A happy, healthy baby is what you want, whether they're BF or FF.

No point pushing through when it doesn’t work. Some babies just don’t latch. Mine never ever did. Tried for 8 weeks.

ABSOLUTELY GIVE UP.

Sounds EXACTLY what I went through with DC1 op. I had EMCS, also have flatish nipples and large breasts, and my son never ever latched. This was despite all the advice and spealists we could get.

I actually included the advice to pump 8-12 times a day as part of my formal complaint to PALS. When the actual fuck are we meant to rest?

Even with pumping 8 times a day, I could only ever get out 40% of what was needed. And it was double the work. I felt so much better when I gave up. Experience was so bad that I made the decision (apart from a tiny bit of colostrum) to not even bother trying with DC2.

Please take care of yourself and stop it now. X

I realise I was lucky to be able to breastfeed all 3 of my DC. Had I had the experience you had I wouldn't think twice about FF. Honestly, nobody really cares about how they were fed when they get older - It just seems so very important at the time. Congratulations on your baby.

This is extremely similar to my story, I was induced at 39 weeks, but had to have an emergency CS, they knew she was growth restricted, and she was 5lb when born.. I thought breastfeeding would be quite easy, but she would never really latch properly, it was only after 2 days in the hospital of getting very upset that someone came to see me and say the reason she couldn't feed effectively is because she was so small, and to keep at it, it seemed to make sense so we persevered, got outside help etc once out of hospital, but in the end I ended up exclusively pumping and bottle feeding her, it worked for us though as we were both at home so I could pump while DH fed her.

I managed to do it for 6 months and then my supply dropped and I just couldn't keep up with demand so we switched to formula, I wished at the time that we'd have done it sooner and saved a lot of faff to be honest, but in my mind at that time I was a failure if I couldn't do it.. it's really weird how it affects you at the time, I think post-baby hormones have a lot to answer for, so I can say with all honesty do what is best for you as a family.

Try not to get to caught up in what you 'should' and 'shouldn't' be doing as ultimately it doesn't matter in the end, if you think you may regret stopping then you could give pumping a try, or keep trying with latching, but honestly, as long as baby is fed, that's all that matters.

It wasn’t more convenient for me. I’ve breastfed for a total of 15 months and bottle fed for 6. I have no agenda but bottle feeding meant I had more freedom, if I went out for a couple of hours and the bus home was late then there wasn’t a screaming hungry baby waiting for me. I also hated planning breastfeeding clothes - you can’t wear long dresses, or playsuits, or anything remotely nice tbh. There’s only so many times you want to wear a strappy top up under a t shirt and cardigans. I often went out and realised my clothes wouldn’t permit feeding without massively exposing myself so would then have to traipse back to the car. Also meant I got more sleep as dad took on some night feeds. And messing around with pump parts etc is no fun either

I had a small baby 2nd time round (6 lbs), and she really struggled to latch at the start.

My lactation consultant said her mouth was too small and there was a "mouth nipple mismatch", bless her.

I was doing 50/50 formula and expressed but would try to BF a few times a day until she'd get too angry.

By about week 5 or 6 she was bigger and stronger and we turned a corner.

I'm glad we persevered as she's now EBF at 5 months and I find it way less of a faff (I hate cleaning bottles and prefer co-sleeping and breastfeeding) and obviously cheaper.

Having said this, do what feels right for you. It can be such a stressful time.

I'm a big advocate for breastfeeding but in your situation I'd definitely stop. It sounds really stressful!

You might be able to do it no issues with future children. I think the first few hours after birth are probably crucial to establishing a good breastfeeding journey.

My first was a difficult birth with my baby having to be taken away shortly after birth and it took a week to get her to latch. It just seemed impossible. My second was an easy natural birth and baby latched on without me doing anything to even encourage it 20 minutes after birth!

I'm sorry things haven't gone as you planned, but in 2 years it will all be forgotten and your baby will be absolutely fine. You've got this, mama.

Like yours, my firstborn would not latch on or even suck - just completely refused to. I had a very painful forceps delivery with a massive episiotomy and piles that could have appeared in the Guinness book of records.

The midwife came in one day and just said "Enough!" I FF from then on, but even that was a challenge as she would not suck.

I then went on to have 2 further girls who latched on a treat and fed till they were one.

There is no difference whatsoever in my relationship with them all. The method of feeding made no difference at all. I am definitely Mum to them all!

You have NOT failed in any way at all!!!

I’m usually a big advocate with persevering with BF, but pumping 8 times a day on top of caring for a newborn who may not even take to BF doesn’t feel sustainable. Formula feeding is absolutely fine, you can see yourself your DC is thriving on it.

In an ideal world you’d have established breastfeeding, but parenting isn’t in an ideal world and you have to do what’s best in the situation you end up

The first 6 weeks of breastfeeding are so hard even without all those other factors. Stop being so hard on yourself it sounds like your doing an amazing job, you gave it a go and stopping breastfeeding really isn’t a big deal, your baby will know that you’re their mum not matter how you feed them.