I need my brother-in-law out of my house but it will impact on his children

I think you’ve received consistent advice here OP. You need to make some hard decisions because the status quo is untenable. The sooner you make those decisions the better the outcome for you.

By the way - I think you have a partner problem as well as a partners brother problem. These things should be handled as a team and they haven’t been.

His brother is never going to leave. You need to sit your DH down and tell him that if he doesn’t tell his brother to leave then you are leaving, he can’t expect you to live like this.

I ticked your being unreasonable to of allowed this to go on for 7 months .
He's not paid anything to food or bills either
How are you expected to sleep in the day with toddlers there .
Absolutely no one has your back here .
Your bf clearly has no intention of telling the brother to leave .
This will continue for as long as the brothers want it to.
In your shoes I'd leave ,get a house share ,pull out of the new house sale

Here is what you need to tell your bil
Turn up at the local council (usually later in the day) and tell them he is homeless with 2 small children
They will place him in emergency housing and then support him to find a job, apply for support etc
This is not your responsibility! He needs to step up

Seven months? Jesus wept. If your partner says 'he will ask him to leave but never does' then he obviously agrees with you, even if he doesn't follow through. So tell him again that BIL needs to go and then do the dirty work yourself. It won't be easy, but you cannot continue with the current situation.
However, this would probably be the end of the relationship for me anyway. A future with somebody who just does not have your back is a pretty bleak one.

So you say you have already bought the new house together but aren’t expected to move in yet. Can you move into the new house already on your own and leave your DP to sort his brother and children out ? Or maybe it’s not built yet.

The most crucial factor for you here, is the fact that you can’t sleep during the day which, if you are working night shifts, is totally unacceptable. You must protect your health at all costs in order to be able to continue to work.

If your DP can’t sort his brother out by encouraging him to look for alternative accommodation, I would leave the house altogether and find somewhere else for your own health. Go back to your parents, or lodge with a friend, or rent a bed sit. But get out before your health deteriorates.

Your DP has to ensure that his brother is at least paying his way, looking for employment and seeking benefits. If your brother wishes to house him and fund him out of pity, then so be it. But his pity is mis-placed and unhelpful; you mustn’t support him financially to do that.

A drastic intervention is needed here and it sounds to me that the two brothers are far too casual about this situation and not at all pro- active. (The children are also suffering which is intolerable.)

It’s therefore down to you to save yourself from the pair of them.
Don’t be afraid to put yourself first OP. Think of your own future.

To be honest if your DH tells him to go its only your BiL who will be homeless his kids live with thier mum so dont feel guilty your not putting his kids out on the street. He has made his own bed he will have to lie in it. Tell your DH he has to go before you move. Fir gid sake put your foot down hard. Get the key back too.

Why are you allowing yourself to be miserable for the sake of people who don't give a shit about you?

You need to give your DP an ultimatum. He doesn't have your back.

Get your arse into gear and move out. Soon.
Partner thinks more of his brother than he does of you.

Op the impact of having no sleep is so dangerous.
You can not continue as you are. You are going to have to put your foot down and give the BIL to the end of the week to move out. I don’t know why you are worried about resentment, why isn’t anyone bothered about the resentment this is casing you? Or your heaith? Well being? Why isn’t your dp looking out for your needs?

This is a major red flag.

Hw won’t be made homeless op, he can become a lodger very easily with someone else. You have done more than enough already.

If BIL is looking after his children at yours while his wife is working why can't he look after them in their own home?

He needs to go to council and declare himself homeless.

Oh man, @MebraZebra—
I’ve read the full thread and you’re really up shit creek in a chickenwire canoe, aren’t you.
Freddie the freeloader and his brother Lennie the limpwrist are not being very kind to you.
I’d suggest having a serious Come to Jesus chat with your husband and lay out just how ridiculous this has gotten and how stressed you truly are and that if he doesn’t get Freddie the Freeloader OUT OF YOUR HOUSE within the next 30 days, you are going to (fill in the measures here, like divorce him, pull out of the sale, whatever you deem reasonable).
I’d also remind him that he’s been completely ignoring what you’ve been going through and prioritizing Freddie the freeloader.
And DO NOT let him gaslight you with “but the kids…” The kids are not yours. The kids are Freddie & his wife’s kids.
This has been a 7-month in the making problem, and your husband has got about 7 hours to get Freddie to get his arse out of your house in the next 30 days.
If he your husband can’t manage that — or if Freddie can’t manage that — well, then the shit — YOUR SHIT — is gonna hit the fan.
I’m so sorry. This is all so unnecessary and people who take advantage of other’s kindness and hospitality just suck.
You hang tough and make sure to find your inner Wonder Woman for your little Come to Jesus chat.
You’ll be grand. ❤️

Surely, the Council will have to house your brother in law as the children cannot be homeless. Your BIL needs to go the Council and declare the need. They might need to live in B&B for a while. I love children. However, this is not sustainable long term and the sooner a permanent solution is found the better.

You want it to be a joint decision but your DH is not able to lay the law down. As a result your options are to put up and shut up or take action.

if these things are too difficult for him to say in person, start a WhatsApp group with all three of you in. State the eviction date and direct him to present himself as homeless to the county council now in preparation

Serve him notice. Do it in writing in email and CC your DH. Give him a months notice.

Separately tell him he needs to immediatly present himself as homeless to the council who will work to accommodate him and the children. Explain the sleep deprivation, the bills, the lack of privacy have reached the limit and you need your house back after supporting his family for 7 months.

on his eviction date call the police if refuses leave.

change locks

I would call a family meeting and say “Your brother has something to tell you.” Then stare pointedly at DH until he cracks. If he doesn’t tell him, then he has had more than his chance. I would then state that “My DH hasn’t got the balls to tell you himself, so I will. You have been taking the piss for too long. You are to get you and your shit out of my home by (X date) and in that time I will be deciding if I am moving out with my DH or alone.”
I would have these statements up my sleeve too.
“We are not responsible for your decisions and have been dealing with the consequences for too long.”
”You are an adult and we are not your parents.”
”You need to man up.”
”How long did you expect that we would find you and your children? None of you are our responsibility.”
”I find it very difficult to believe that after your marriage breakup, that this is the first time you have been told that you are a parasite.”
”You have already broken up your own marriage, do you want to be the reason you brother gets divorced too?”
”Stop being a manipulative parasite and sort yourself out.”

kids arent there 3 days of a week just dicuss it then

Why would you want to tie yourself to a spineless wet lettuce of a man who doesnt respect you or your boundaries??

As for the brother, kick his selfish arse out!

I wanted to be a joint decision. That he would support me so there would be no resentment
I doubt he will support you, his brother has him by the balls, you need to get him by the balls and squeeze harder (ie give him an ultimatum)
Unless you can change your mindset here I think you are trapped.

Your ‘D’P is going to always default to making YOU the bad guy.

hes not going to do anything about this.

you may as well wade in now, kids or no kids and say that you’re not going to be offering him a place to stay any longer and it’s time he needs to find some thing else

or put it in writing. Give it to him and then all you need to say is, this is your notice and give him a month or whatever to leave your house.

If you haven’t exchanged on the new house yet, this is what I’d do. I’d rather live in a one-bedroom flat on my own than with a partner who doesn’t respect me, plus his relatives.

Get the money from selling your place and look into buying a smaller place. You don’t need this man and his brother and the brother’s kids using up your money. They are sponging off of you. Step away from this and into your new life without these losers. They can’t afford to live without you and look how they are treating you.

Your partner sucks frankly.

Sadly you are going to have to do the dirty work and tell him to go.

This is horrible. Does your partner think his brother can live with you forever?

I know you can't afford to live on your own but I'd tell him you want to split. You can sell the new place and look for a one bedroom. You can't survive like this forever. I'm so sorry. This would be my nightmare.