Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can't be bothered being nice to people anymore

32 replies

Seeyouinadarknight · 09/05/2024 11:54

Not saying I'm going to start being rude, nasty or aggressive as that's not the answer, but I just feel like being nice gets you nowhere.

I do feel that I am intelligent, interesting and have a good sense of humour too, and people generally like me, but I seem to give off some kind of vibe.

It sounds petty but I've decided I'm going to not feel I always have to reply to people, because I am very used to people stopping replying to me in the middle of a conversation, and to being the only one who contacts them first.
It sounds dramatic but I'm going to stop replying to something that requires an answer and see if it changes anything.

I'm happy to help at work- colleagues in my team usually look to me for help, it might be in part because I'm older, some of them this is their first ever job. However sometimes I feel a bit taken advantage of and that they do like me, think I'm nice etc. But wouldn't go out of their way to spend time with me or anything.

I would say I'm sociable, I try to arrange things and I have a laugh with people at work.
This probably does make me sound bitter and petty but I'm just a bit down. There really is something to be said for not giving a damn and not having to try.

I don't need to be so quick to help colleagues all the time, for instance. I shouldn't care if they like me or not.

OP posts:
Original poster
Seeyouinadarknight · 09/05/2024 12:20

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 09/05/2024 12:19

You're not coming off well in your OP tbh

It's all very "I think I'm wonderful but then people dont want to be around me"

It can be quite overwhelming to have to constantly reply to someone.

And you start being standoffish at work and you'll be the one who gets it in the neck tbh

Not in the slightest, but ok.

OP posts:
ButWhatAboutTheBees · 09/05/2024 12:19

You're not coming off well in your OP tbh

It's all very "I think I'm wonderful but then people dont want to be around me"

It can be quite overwhelming to have to constantly reply to someone.

And you start being standoffish at work and you'll be the one who gets it in the neck tbh

Original poster
Seeyouinadarknight · 09/05/2024 12:18

peacefull · 09/05/2024 12:11

Im a nice person or so i think but i speak my mind more now has ive got older and im blunt and very honest.
I will not sugar coat anything and i could not care less what others think.
Ive become simple with words straight to the point no faffing.
No build up before i say something i get STRAIGHT TO THE POINT.
If im asked if i want to go out with mates i either say yes where what time or no i cant be bothered.

I like this way of thinking and I wish more people were like that.
I find it hard at work because you don't always know how people will react, and if something is taken the wrong way then you still have to work with these people every day, and things might be awkward.

OP posts:
Original poster
Seeyouinadarknight · 09/05/2024 12:16

Re the colleague thing, we do spend time together outside of work.
I don't expect everyone there to want to be friends, as I'm not with everyone either.
It's just that sometimes they ask me things like where they're sitting, well when I say sometimes I mean most days.
They can't be bothered to check themselves and they know I'll do it for them.
It sounds petty, initially I didn't mind but I think I'm going to start ignoring it, there's nothing stopping them checking their own desk number.

OP posts:
Original poster
Seeyouinadarknight · 09/05/2024 12:15

ComtesseDeSpair · 09/05/2024 12:12

When you say people stop replying to you mid conversation, do you mean texting conversations? I’d take that as a hint that people don’t want to have long texting conversations or aren’t glued to their phones rather than a personal slight. If they keep replying to you and you keep asking more questions every time they do, where does it end?

I think it’s perfectly normal as a more senior colleague that junior colleagues look to you for help or advice with work without that meaning they should want to socialise with or spend time with you. Not everybody is interested in being friends with their colleagues, however sociable you are. You’re at work to get a job done, and collaboration is usually the best way to do that: deciding you’re not going to help or collaborate on work because your colleagues don’t want to spend time with you outside of work is a bit bonkers.

Being nice gets you everywhere. Being nice but expecting other people to repay your niceness on your terms and in a way you want it, doesn’t work.

Edited

Anything, social media, WhatsApp, Teams.
Can totally understand they don't wanna be glued to their devices, I don't either. Sometimes it's even them starting conversations, and I don't always reply immediately by any means..
I do get what you're saying about where does it end, sometimes our conversations do come to a natural end, and then it stops. Then eventually I might ask a question and they won't reply.

I know it's not the end of the world that they don't reply, but I don't know why I feel the need to always reply to their questions, in that case. I saw it as rude but honestly they don't care, nor should I.

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 09/05/2024 12:12

When you say people stop replying to you mid conversation, do you mean texting conversations? I’d take that as a hint that people don’t want to have long texting conversations or aren’t glued to their phones rather than a personal slight. If they keep replying to you and you keep asking more questions every time they do, where does it end?

I think it’s perfectly normal as a more senior colleague that junior colleagues look to you for help or advice with work without that meaning they should want to socialise with or spend time with you. Not everybody is interested in being friends with their colleagues, however sociable you are. You’re at work to get a job done, and collaboration is usually the best way to do that: deciding you’re not going to help or collaborate on work because your colleagues don’t want to spend time with you outside of work is a bit bonkers.

Being nice gets you everywhere. Being nice but expecting other people to repay your niceness on your terms and in a way you want it, doesn’t work.

peacefull · 09/05/2024 12:11

Im a nice person or so i think but i speak my mind more now has ive got older and im blunt and very honest.
I will not sugar coat anything and i could not care less what others think.
Ive become simple with words straight to the point no faffing.
No build up before i say something i get STRAIGHT TO THE POINT.
If im asked if i want to go out with mates i either say yes where what time or no i cant be bothered.

Swipe left for the next trending thread