To worry my son won't live up to his father's expectations

107 replies

anotherloadofwashingtodo · 09/05/2024 10:04

We always said we'd have 2 dc.
I had 2 daughters with dh and he has always been a hands on dad but he has always wanted a boy and kept saying we should try one more time so we did and it's a boy and he's over the moon.

Ds hasn't been born yet and he's already treating him differently, he's been out and bought him all new baby clothes which is something he never took an interest in with the girls who had mostly hand me downs and eBay bundles but he doesn't want that for ds.
While in the shops he was looking at table football like foosball and said this is why I wanted a boy, I can't wait to have someone to do all this with, even though the girls would love it too. He says it's not the same.

I'm starting to regret that we tried for another, I think I just felt that he was not going to be happy until we tried that last time and he kept on.

He seems to think this boy will be a mini him and his little mate, not only does that put huge pressure on ds to live up to this vision but it's clear the girls are not as special.

OP posts:

Takeaways · 09/05/2024 10:22

His son might not be interested in football. Maybe his daughter will be? I'd also worry for your DD here.

Original poster

anotherloadofwashingtodo · 09/05/2024 10:19

He wouldn't go to counselling, he doesn't see a problem.
We booked a private gender scan and when they said it was a boy he booked another one at a different clinic just to be 100% sure.
He then picked a name that would go with his surname, again he wasn't bothered before and let me choose the girls names.

OP posts:

Topseyt123 · 09/05/2024 10:18

Red flags all over this.

I'd be putting my foot down and telling him to pack it in now because otherwise he is going to favour your DS heavily.

Why does he seem to think that girls cannot like football (table football or other)?

What if your DS doesn't turn out to be interested in football or any of the things that your DH deems suitable for him? There is no law that says these must all be his interests, just a ridiculous gender stereotype.

This will all potentially breed resentment so DH needs a kick up the arse now.

Jamiedodgers · 09/05/2024 10:15

Gosh he reminds me of my old boss, a proper misogynist. He sent his boy to private school but his girl to the local comprehensive because she’s going to marry and have kids one day and doesn’t need the private education. Your daughters are going to notice the difference. I think you need to have a good chat with him about how his attitude is not ok and will impact on his relationship with his daughters.

YoureStuckOnMeLikeATattoohoohoo · 09/05/2024 10:13

My ex was like this, but he wanted girls.

He had 2 sons, then we had a son, then we had a daughter (then 2 more).

He always wanted to be a girl dad apparently.

Well my girls didn't live up to his image of being a girl dad and they haven't spoken in 6 years, I have one who's tattooed everywhere, one who randomly shaves her head and wears grungy clothes and one who has hobbies he just didn't even try to understand.

Your dh is sexist, and he's going to end up, at least losing his girls if he doesn't buck his ideas up a bit.

He's so busy concentrating on the potential of his son, merely due to the fact he is a boy, that he's failing to see the relationship he could have with his daughters.

Ypu have my sympathies op.

YeahNahWhal · 09/05/2024 10:13

Def need to think about counselling for your DH. What if the child identifies as gender diverse when they are old enough? Rigid gendered expectations of unborn children are terrible.

flightless55 · 09/05/2024 10:07

Oooo red flags everywhere

Would he be open to counselling? I think he needs to talk this through and absolutely change his behaviour before you baby's born because issues are going to arise and resentment between siblings too

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