To worry my son won't live up to his father's expectations

Majority of these reply’s are bonkers , let him be excited have his moment , I’m sure he will calm down and everything will go back to normal and be just fine. Don’t create a problem before there Is one

Wow, this is horrible. There will be so much pressure on your son to live up to his dad's expectations, and meanwhile, your poor daughters will be second class citizens in their own homes. It's a terrible situation for all of your children.

I'm afraid you need to think hard about how you can protect them from their father going forwards, as this has the potential to be incredibly damaging for any one of them, or indeed all of them. Realistically, it sounds like his issues are deeply ingrained so you may not be able to do anything about him - it will be all about damage limitation at this point.

This and he doesn’t get to choose the names.

call him out now and insist on counselling

I'd be worried too. That is an immense amount of pressure to put on a baby who's not even born yet. And the poor girls are definitely going to feel like they aren't as important or as loved. He sounds very old fashioned and backwards in his thinking.

I'm the only girl in my family and have 3 brothers. I'd say I'm more like my dad than any of my brothers. I never felt like any of us were treated differently growing up. I certainly wasn't guided to be a girly girl or treated differently because I was a girl.

He'll have a bit of a shock in the first few years in particular, I expect. While my boys are very much 'boys', they've all favoured being with their mum. They love baking and crafting, as well as football etc. And they were all very much in the slightly Freudian 'in love with their mummy' stage for at least the first 6 years.

I guess all you can do is wait and see what happens and try to manage expectations. It sounds like it'll be on you to ensure your daughters don't feel left out, which isn't fair. But I suppose you're for-warned at least. Best of luck with it all - I'll keep everything crossed that it all settles down for you.

I think this will end up breaking up your family. If your son is like his dad your girls will notice he’s being favoured. If your son is a disappointment to his dad then your son will notice. Unless you can get him to change there’s only trouble ahead.

A child is their own person. It's dangerous when parents have children simply to imprint who they want them to be.

Have you read the OP?
It not just about having a preference is it? His behaviour is disgraceful.

I think it's fairly natural for men to want a son and so what if he has a preference.
I wanted a daughter and was very happy when I got one.
Does that make me a man hating misandrist?

Those poor girls. I know what it's like having a misogynistic father who regularly shows you that you are second class. Haven't seen mine for 30 years.

If you are not married don't give your son his last name in case you split. How you can bear to stay with a man who treats your daughters this way I can't understand it. He thinks because of their sex they are of less value. Less interesting. Less fun and clearly much much less deserving of love and resources. He thinks the same about you and has ignored your thoughts and opinions on this issue.

He's an arsehole that doesn't deserve kids.

Girls can't play foosball?

Fathers and sons often have a difficult relationship. If the son does not live up to the father’s expectations, he will often reject him. Daughters are often loved for simply who they are, while sons have to grow into someone he’d respect.

I am sorry, you will have to manage this situation best you can. At least you can love your son for what he is rather than what he can become.

I feel sorry for your unborn son, but even sorrier for your daughters. This would be an ultimatum from me, but I appreciate that's easy to say when I'm not the one pregnant with two small children.

But for the avoidance of all doubt, your husband is a misogynist, and he needs to sort himself out before he destroys his relationship with his daughters.

My DH was like this. We have 2 boys, a 5 year old and a newborn. Determined thinking they’d both be mini versions of him and the eldest is anything but. Hates football, no passion for it at all and would rather play in the park than kick a ball about despite DH desperately trying. He bought every kit for every season and DS usually says it’s ok I’ll ask mummy for clothes if he gets the kit out. Won’t even sit in the stadium he lasted 20 minutes. He can’t force it. Kids have their own interests and trying to force it makes them less and less likely to abide. Although DS is autistic he still is like an average 5 year old in most aspects, just disinterested in his dad’s passion. Which is fine. He’s hoping DS2 will like football but I’ve warned him not to try force it, or he’ll likely get the same outcome.

Although taking more interest in your pregnancy and buying for baby boy as opposed to his girls is outrageous. My DH would chop his right arm off for a little girl but I’m done having babies now. Tell him to rein it in or start having the same interest in his girls!

All you can do is make sure he does not grow up to be a mini version of him.

He doesn't see a problem so there is not much you can do. I think this will end in disaster. Your girls will feel left out, your husband will not be able to develop relationship with your son the moment the boy starts showing his personality and he still won't see it as a problem. I think this is heading for a lot of heartbreak for everyone and, eventually, a divorce.

I would try to find a hobby / toys your husband would enjoy playing with your girls. Encourage this now while you're pregnant and need the rest. My dad bought me a Scalextric set when I was four - my gran thought it was a strange present to buy a little girl, but I really enjoyed playing with my dad.

Christ this is going to damage both your girls and your boy.

I wouldn’t have had the 3rd tbh, it’s clear he only wanted another to “get his boy”. Ugh.

Ask him how he thinks all this extra attention on “his boy” is going to make his DDs feel.

Ask him about what happens if his boy hates football and loves drama.

Stop letting him decide everything.

He's a sexist and a misogynist. Your poor daughters.
There is absolutely no guarantee that a boy will like football etc.

You need to address this before he is born and you need to make it clear that his behaviour is not acceptable.

Why did you pander to that? There’s no way I would have gone for a second scan for that reason.

Sorry if I’m being harsh - but I had to jump on baby sex hopes/expectations, not from DH but from PIL, and I was very very firm about it(other way round in our case).

Your husband is being a massive dick and you need to call him out on his behaviour. Don't put up with it. This blatant favouritism will be a disaster for your family if allowed to continue. Your poor girls.

What do you think he would say if you sat him down and said 'how would you feel if DS isn't interested in the same things as you, if he's not sporty and is really arty instead, if he doesn't like 'lad' banter and has a different sense of humour etc?

I don't want to pile more worry on, but my dad was a bit like this, had very set expectations of what his male son would like, and got frustrated when he didn't, and looked bored when my brother tried to engage him, and they don't have a relationship because of it - this is partially due to him being rigid in other ways, like discipline - he thought that his way was the right way to parent (shouting, demanding respect, do as you are told) and despite his parenting techniques not actually working, escalating situations unnecessarily and driving a wedge between him and us, he wouldn't even entertain anyone gently suggesting different approaches, or even doing his own research - it was just our fault that we didn't respond well. He never understood that this style of discipline meant that we didn't want to get 'banter' off him either - you can have good natured ribbing if you have a healthy relationship otherwise, but he didn't get that in order to have that, your child needs to feel like you are on the same team elsewhere, including working through issues, and it wasn't like that. I mention all this because I wonder if your husband is the same, because lots of men who have these set ideas for boys seem to be similar.

This. And kick him very hard. You really should have called him out loudly and firmly on this already - the minute you spotted the different treatment re. clothes buying. Don’t hesitate - do it as soon as possible, because he needs to get his head around not having a mini- me as soon as possible.