To find this universal credit situation unfair

You must be on a canny whack to not get UC help with childcare for 2 children.

Can you say what you would consider fair @happypickle

Do you want the government to pay your mortgage?

It's not comparable, you have the choice to rent, not work, have more DC's.

it may feel unfair to you but stop thinking about it.

Or pack in your jobs, sell your house and claim UC. With all the uncertainty that brings (pressure to get a job, paying bills, insecure tenancy)

How will.they change ? We get quite a bit in UC despite my dh being in full time work because I'm a care for our severely disabled child
But I remember feeling the same as the Op when my oldest was a baby I went back to work when he was five months old
And seeing parents,who were on tax credits having an if not better life comparable life to me this was in 2007 under labour
Labour were far more generous to people living solely or mainly on benefits ,then Conservative, single mothers were not required to look for work until their youngest child was 16 .

OP I don't know how old your DC is but my DD timed having her 2 DC so elder DC at nursery she went back to work after 6 months then saved up for having a second DC. She got pregnant with second DC when first DC was 18 months. When she was on mat leave she reduced nursery hours for elderly DC and gave him lots of attention taking him to petting farms etc. Then she kept elder DS home 3 days a week after she had younger DS so elder son got free hours and she hardly had to pay anything for him. She stayed home for a year. She only had about 1/2 term of double fees because she took off accrued holiday before both DS's went to nursery then after 1/2 term elder son started school. You could do this. Stop focusing on in-laws and enjoy your own lives. Your family will ultimately be far better off once all DC in school.

In the long run you’ll be better off, it’s worth it OP even if it feels unfair at the moment.

But in 2.5 years time your SIL's youngest will be 3 and she'll have to look for work after 5(?) years out of the workforce.

And you'll have 5 years of experience, pension contributions etc and be in a much more financially secure position.

^ THIS. Don't underestimate the value of a private pension. Plus you'll have a financial asset (your house) to pass to your kids potentially giving them future financial security.

Check you are using all the childcare vouchers you are entitled to. It's painful but it's not for long.

20% obvs

The benefit system seems to be a minefield. I don't like that people on benefit can often seem to be better off than those working full time and making it a lifestyle choice. On the other hand I'm not sure other tax payers should subsidise child care any more than currently, having children is also a lifestyle choice. In an ideal world everyone would have enough income to support them in reasonable comfort, but it's a hugely difficult balancing act. Different people prioritise different aspects of life. If you want another DC I would consider being a SAHM for a few years if you reckon the finances would work out better that way.

You could become a single parent - as a single parent to 3 (then aged 10ths, 7 and 9) UC paid 80% of my childcare bills

i mean I still paid 30% plus all the bills, mortgage, school dinners, fed and clothed them and worked but it was so worth it having childcare paid for! 🙄

I mean have another child, rent a house and give up work so you can have an easy life or leave your husband - you have such tempting options

Sell your house, resign from your job, have another child. Sorted.

Yawn

Has your sil said they trying for another baby?

It’s also not raining, ☔️ that’s life. She won’t have any career progression, won’t be able to earn more when uc says she needs to work, likely they’ll have less money, and less stable finances than you will, and no home of their own.

I had my first 2 sons 4.5 years apart for this reason, I was a student still with ds1 and quite young, we did have our own house and got some tax credits I think and paid for a childminder for me to finished uni then I had ds2 just before my eldest went to school. I went back to work (first job) as a nurse when he was 13 months. My ex had a really good job though but still not enough for 2 nursery bills together even v expensive then, (23&19 now) you need to worry less about what others are doing and more about you and your own life, life often isn’t fair but maybe there is a way you can make it work but a bigger age gap was fine, they got on and still do. It was nice to be able to have the time with my older son before he was a big brother too. then with ds2 whilst his ds was at school.

I understand why you feel as you do @happypickle but it's important to retain perspective.

When my small children were both in nursery/with a CM I became a single parent. I too had a mortgage. To keep my job and my house I had to sell quite a lot of things to top up my income because of crippling childcare fees. There were many times when I went without food because I was so skint. I definitely would have been better off on benefits. I did. The calculations and had some single parent friends on benefits and in social housing who had way more disposable income than me.

However, fast forward a few years and the situation is very different. Because I kept working my career progressed. I kept my house. Childcare costs eventually stopped. My income and my confidence now is way higher than my friends who didn't work because sadly we live in a society where occupational status and income seem to be valued far more than the essential job of raising the next generation. I also have a fair amount of equity in my home in a market where many couldn't even hope to get on the property ladder any more. By choosing to stay at home initially you have the reward of spending more time with your DC and giving up the stress of working but my goodness society doesn't half make women pay for it in terms of long-term financial stability.

I actually wish being a SAHM was better valued and given more financial protection. Until that happens I am glad I made the choices I did. I'd recommend you try to adopt the same perspective.

Welcome to the world with a social welfare system. Nothing is fair unless you are the recipient of benefits. Those who have never claimed any kind of benefit (UC, PIP, unemployment, whatever) have paid through various taxes, for those who do.
Some abuse the system, and then there are those who cannot seem to make any headway with it at all (generally those who need it the most).
You may see it as 'unfair', but that depends on your morals and ethics. if you believe your in-laws have somehow worked the system, or are in a better position than you, rail at them (or indeed, ask them how they managed this luxurious lifestyle) rather than the system itself. Alternatively, you could ban everyone from having any help if that would be fairer to you.
I think you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and count your mortgage and one child blessings - many would think it is unfair that they do not have such things

I really hate benefit bashing threads. I grew up in poverty with a mum on benefits, it was awful. Everyone thought we lived the life of riley with getting " a fortune" on benefits, in reality we could barely afford to eat or clothe ourselves and god forbid if something broke like a washing machine. I now work and earn too much to claim benefits.. there isn't a single ounce of jealousy in my soul for paying childcare when others get it for free. Your in laws won't get as much as you think they do and it won't last either as SIL will have to start work I think by the time the child is 2 with the new rules (could be wrong on the age but still). It's ridiculous to be so envious of someone less fortunate than yourself. and you know what they say.. the grass is always greener right.

Ah, the daily benefit bashing thread.

No, I do not agree that it's not fair. UC is paid to people who do not earn enough to live on. If you are not entitled to it, then you do not need it. Bore off with your benefits bashing, it's tiresome. Or quit your job and claim UC if you think it's great.

YABVVU @happypickle
Were you hoping for a benefit bashing party? No such luck.
Stop comparing and live your life.

What do you want people to say I mean you could get a childminder reduce your/his working hours you could also be getting a "fortune" in benefits. I mean I'm assuming most working mothers would be "sahm" to 6 month olds due to maternity leave . You are choosing to be constrained this isn't the issue that you are making it out to be.

@EatCrow
Surely being able to vent on an anonymous forum is the point of MN? Or are you trying to police what topics are allowed to be discussed?
I feel sorry for you OP. Things will change under Labour, hopefully for a fairer society.

If you want another child, and that is your priority, then choose that and make it work, either by being a SAHM or however.

I am a single parent, and worked full time, and went without food to pay childcare.

20 years later, my mortgage is paid, I can afford to work part time in a job I like, my daughter can live with me rent free as she saves up for her own deposit, and between us we have enough disposable income to enjoy life, she has a car and drives me around, I have regular trips away, life is good.

TBF, life was good when we were skint as well! We were still happy

To be honest bringing more children into an overpopulated world is irresponsible.

'DH has one child' 👍🏽
'Myself has one child' 👎🏽