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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this universal credit situation unfair

240 replies

happypickle · 09/05/2024 08:41

Myself and DH have 1 child and pay the equivalent of a 2nd mortgage on nursery. We are talking about having a 2nd child but we have to wait to be at a point where our first would be on their way into school as we could not afford to pay for 2 nursery places.

In laws who are in universal credit, have no such constraints and are in a position to try and conceive before us as SIL does not work and is a SAHM to 6 month old. They get a fortune in UC and have their rent paid and actually have more disposable income than us in professional jobs.

Don't know what I want from this post but just feel it's so unfair that we are constrained by finances but those on benefits are free to plan their family exactly as they want and they will have the ideal 2 years age gap which we would have loved to have done.

OP posts:
shepherdsangeldelight · 09/05/2024 08:50

But in 2.5 years time your SIL's youngest will be 3 and she'll have to look for work after 5(?) years out of the workforce.

And you'll have 5 years of experience, pension contributions etc and be in a much more financially secure position.

Many parents in your position plan to take a year's maternity leave with 2nd child so they can take their child out of nursery for this time, and then their oldest is eligible for "free" hours, so they aren't ever paying 2 sets of nursery fees at the same time.

vodkaredbullgirl · 09/05/2024 08:50

🤐

Greyheronsarethebest · 09/05/2024 08:49

happypickle · 09/05/2024 08:46

You've avoided my question, do you agree it's not fair?

sell up, rent and become a sahm. You currently compare apples with pears. I don't understand your point. Your circumstances aren't remotely comparable. but if it's so easy to have the life of Riley on benefits - well, the in laws gave you the blue print. Just follow.

Allthesea · 09/05/2024 08:49

YABU and the blatant pre-election benefit bashing threads on here are getting boring.

We know what you want, you want a bun fight, but we can’t be bothered so hop along, do.

AlltheFs · 09/05/2024 08:48

It’s not unfair. Hope that helps

We had 1 child because we couldn’t afford 2 in childcare and too old for a bigger gap. It is what it is. We have a good income and a high standard of living now.

I wouldn’t be a low earner, renting, on UC willingly. It’s not a life I’d want.

EatCrow · 09/05/2024 08:48

Have it out with your in laws, face to face, instead of doing it behind their back on a forum.

Isitisit · 09/05/2024 08:48

Do you want to be a SAHM? Presumably you prefer having a mortgage and a job to not buy if you don’t you can change it.

Original poster
happypickle · 09/05/2024 08:47

Nonametonight · 09/05/2024 08:46

Have you actually checked if with two children in childcare you'd be entitled to any universal credit?
Otherwise, yes, you're being unreasonable. You could make lifestyle sacrifices to have a second child sooner, but you've decided that isn't your priority. Your sil has chosen differently.

No not entitled, we only get the tax feee childcare.

OP posts:
Pigeonqueen · 09/05/2024 08:47

Elebag · 09/05/2024 08:45

You have the benefit of a mortgage and they don't.

Exactly. Long term you’ll be better off.

Marblessolveeverything · 09/05/2024 08:47

It isn't unfair because the choice is available to you.,🤷‍♀️

Nonametonight · 09/05/2024 08:46

Have you actually checked if with two children in childcare you'd be entitled to any universal credit?
Otherwise, yes, you're being unreasonable. You could make lifestyle sacrifices to have a second child sooner, but you've decided that isn't your priority. Your sil has chosen differently.

Original poster
happypickle · 09/05/2024 08:46

You've avoided my question, do you agree it's not fair?

OP posts:
Elebag · 09/05/2024 08:45

You have the benefit of a mortgage and they don't.

Greyheronsarethebest · 09/05/2024 08:44

hand in your notice, become a sahm and have more babies! HTH!

crumbpet · 09/05/2024 08:44

Right your childcare years will be the most expensive. You'll get through it. Stop comparing apples and pears.