To be concerned with how my boyfriend acted when I was ill?

I agree, carrying a grudge many years later because your then boyfriend didn't put your drink down on the table in the properly prescribed manner, and you had to reach for it (the horror!!!!), seems like the absolute epitome of making a hen out of a feather.

It appears to me that people are making a hen out of a feather!

I think you need to make up your own mind here OP as you were the one in the situation. As you grew up with abuse and neglect, it could be even more important to make sure you are with someone who ticks these boxes. There’s a lack of compatibility when it comes to illness as well as communication.

I didn’t suggest it was categorically because I am in my 40s and married, I proposed it was a possible reason.

Yes, possibly is regional thing or something else entirely! Who knows but appears to me to be very self - conscious if you are cringing over a word, no one I know would care as love and darling commonplace as is the use of names!

I call my dh darling! My son calls his wife darling too. Saying that, I a.so call delivery men darling😂.

FFS I wasn’t ‘madly impressed’. It was an example of how a small action can be a watershed for someone else. ‘darling’ has certainly pressed some people’s buttons. And did you not see my laughing emojis?
And ‘Right I’m off to the bar.Do you want another one, Callie?’ is perfectly ok.

I’m in my late 40s and also married and nobody I know calls their partners darling in seriousness, I’d also cringe, it sounds quite an old fashioned term of endearment.

Maybe it’s a regional thing, it’s really not common to me.

I’d also see nothing wrong whatsoever with, ‘I’m getting another round in, fancy one?’ or similar.

You are right to get worried. There is an absence of kindness. I think #team Boyfriend comments are ignoring that you felt helpless and wanted help from the one person who is supposed to be on your side. I think that says more about their values than your expectations.

Not at all, I’m genuinely asking!
Really? You’d cringe yourself ‘inside out’ if your partner used a term of affection in front of other people? I’m wondering if it is because I am in my 40s and married, maybe older than you as my DH refers to me as “love” all the time sometimes “Darling”, it is quite common amongst our friends though. My Dad is the same as is my brother. It is not this big gesture of affection though, it’s not performance affection as not all of them are thoughtful all of the time, they are not perfect men.

I'm starting to understand now why you're so madly impressed by a bloke calling his wife 'darling' in public.

Is this supposed to be some terribly clever gotcha or something? My partner would use my name. I'd cringe myself inside out if he called me 'darling' or 'love' in front of other people. He'd say something like 'Right, I'm off to the bar. Ready for another one, Callie?'

Oh my goodness. I am so sorry you grew up with abuse. IMO your bad, gut feeling triggered your post. Go with your gut.

lol 😂. Well done, Goldenbear 🤣

Back to the OP, he sounds more like his personality than the ‘way’ he treats women . Some men are proactive in this regard as they try to solve everything, they like solutions, my DH is like that. DH probably would have looked further for the drugs, the solution but he does value his sleep so would have been the same about that. Dinner, I think that is unusual but again I’m referencing DH who is very into cooking etc. so he worries perpetually about people in his family not eating properly - me, our teen DC. Again though it is how he brought up.

Is it the term of affection that you think is patronising or just overall consideration? For example, if he said, “eh up love do you want another?” Would you be alright with that?

I don’t know about ‘infantilising’ (there’s a lovely MN word). Maybe if a man got me drink then held it to my lips while I drank it…
🤣

I wouldn't ask my husband to go out for a cold remedy at that time of night and that's when we're at home! I was brought up to be stoic. I think you sound really needy. Your partner is on a work trip and you tagged along.

He was fine. It was many years ago but it stuck in my mind. It was the juxtaposition of a boor and a nice normal man.
I think the word ‘darling’ has pushed some people’s buttons. Maybe ‘Would you like another drink, love?’ would not have been so provocative 😊

@mandlerparr

No, I think he went down and asked someone, who knows who, and they fished it out of their bottle, and he didn't give two shits enough about her to ask what it was exactly and just gave it to her. It could be anything from pain meds to cold meds to allergy meds to someone's grandmas heart meds. The point is he didn't ask and she didn't know. I wouldn't have taken it and I don't even have allergies. could have been dug out the bottom of someone's pocket or purse.

You seriously believe this version you have made up and OP's differentversion? You really think he went out and got any old tablet from some random person, not asking what it was, and said nothing when he handed it to her? OP has omitted the conversation they would have obviously had, unless you think all this happened is silence. Of course she would have asked, wouldn't you? And he would have said something, not OP: "what is that tablet and where did you get it?" BF: "I don't know" [shrugs]. OR did the most likely and commonsense scenario happen where he went to Reception (where OP said he went), they gave him a painkiller (probably paracetamol) from the guest stock, taking it out of packaging in front of him which is typical, bring it back to her and tell her what had happened?

Everything the OP says you seem to believe is 100% accurate despite her gaps and inconsistencies, even making things up to fit your narrative, but anything he does is viewed totally negatively even accusing him of lying about having a sore foot.

I think there is a fair bit of projecting happening on this thread

He does sound a bit overly attentive though I'd wonder what he's really like out of public view

'Would you like another drink, darling? Anything else?' is hardly any better. Patronising, infantilising twit. Why so many women are impressed by this kind of behaviour is beyond me.

If you read my post he never actually said “Oh darling, oh darling, what can I get you, oh darling”
iIf he had actually said those words it would have been hideous and he would have sounded utterly ridiculous

To recap. You demanded lemsip for a cold. Paracetamol is the active ingredient and would definitely have helped you if lemsip helps. Although, tbh you'd probably find nurofen is better anyway if you have a sore throat with a cold, as it has anti inflammatory properties.

You had the entire day to get medicine for your cold, chose not to go out, asked your boyfriend to go out at almost 11pm at night, which he did - twice - despite him having to get up early for work in the morning and apparently having a sore foot.

You refused the paracetamol that would have helped you, refused dinner then felt offended that your boyfriend went for dinner and finally had a cup of tea and went to sleep.

He did nothing wrong.

OK, then you must have described it badly or unclearly, because that's exactly how it comes across to me. 'Oh darling, oh darling, what can I get you, oh darling?' Hideous!!!!

I have done that for my DH and he has done it for me as well. The OP stated that she can't take any other medicine. If it was me, I wouldn't even have to ask DH, he would try to help me feel better without asking. Moreover, OP's boyfriend got irritated when asked to help.

It depends on her limits, if that's her limit good for her. You really know someone when you're sick.